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My sister is faking her pregnancy.

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Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 17:57:20

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy hmm then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat sad

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

GreenTulips Mon 08-Apr-19 18:00:33

Does she have previous form for this type of thing?

All seems strange

LordNibbler Mon 08-Apr-19 18:01:27

What a truly vile and unkind thing to do. I don't think I could have anything to do with anyone who would do something so cruel.

DantesInferno Mon 08-Apr-19 18:03:52

Well that's just very odd

How many weeks does she claim to be?

PurpleDaisies Mon 08-Apr-19 18:03:59

Something very strange is going on there.

Could the girlfriend not know because the sister cheated with a man? Some women don’t show in the early months so it might not categorically be a lie

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Mon 08-Apr-19 18:04:07

Does she have a history of this behaviour, or a properly MH disorders?

Jessgalinda Mon 08-Apr-19 18:05:06

If you want to cut her off, cut her off.

B can make her choice about how she will proceed

There no need for you to have major disagreements with B. Dont try and convince her of anything.

To be fair A wouldn't 'be quite big' she is only, what 16 weeks?

palebluewalls Mon 08-Apr-19 18:05:25

That's crazy

OneStepSideways Mon 08-Apr-19 18:05:35

Your sister sounds like she may need professional help. How's her mental health usually? Could the fake pregnancy be a reaction to your other sister's tragedy, a way of processing grief?

I think you should get to the bottom of it before you cut her off. To fake a pregnancy in those circumstances suggests she's either delusional or in a very bad place.

Siameasy Mon 08-Apr-19 18:06:00

A sounds bonkers. What is she normally like?
So sorry to hear about your other sister’s loss, that is heartbreaking.
Obv A is family so only you know the dynamics but I’d want nothing at all to do with someone like that

Doje Mon 08-Apr-19 18:06:01

I think you have to try and understand why she's done this.

No one pretends they are pregnant, especially in this kind of situation, unless something is wrong. It'll be hard, but your sister needs your support.

SandyY2K Mon 08-Apr-19 18:06:39

Doee she have mental health issues? I can't imagine why a well balanced individual would make up something like this.

She sounds very much like an attention seeker, who was waiting to let you all know of her 'loss' and then her sympathy.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Mon 08-Apr-19 18:06:48

*properly diagnosed

ThatssomebadhatHarry Mon 08-Apr-19 18:07:21

Wow. How awful for your sister. I can only assume that sister A was jealous of the attention B was getting, which is majorly fucked up. Or at worse she was actively going out of her way to hurt your sister which is a whole other level of fucked up.
I would confront her and get an explanation for the sanity of your family.
flowers

teyem Mon 08-Apr-19 18:07:33

I'd be desperately worried about my sister if she was carrying on like this. It's absolutely bizarre.

Knittedfairies Mon 08-Apr-19 18:09:12

I wouldn't respond in any way, or do anything. No response is a response, and a powerful one at that. A knows you know; what B does is up to her.

KurriKurri Mon 08-Apr-19 18:09:55

I sympathise OP - I have a similar sister (she has a personality disorder and her behaviour is manipulative and cruel to a quite astonishing degree). She pulled a similar stunt when I lost a baby mid pregnancy - it was purely for attention, she was jealous because she perceived I was getting attention from our mother and it tipped her over the edge she always hovers on the brink of.

Nowadays I do as you are thinking about doing - I don't engage with crazy, I don't engage with her at all - I consider her a harmful person. I have a wonderful relationship with my other sister and we look after eahc other and protect each other from the lunacy thrown our way. I think that is what you and your nice sister should do - what sister A did is beyond cruel, it is seriously abnormal and rather sinister behaviour. Maybe sister A needs help (although I doubt she will agree that she does) and if she gets help then maybe youcan resume contact. Until then I would steer well clear.

theWarOnPeace Mon 08-Apr-19 18:10:53

I just feel so sorry for B. What an absolutely horrific thing to go through, followed by this. A is a either an absolute vile ghoul, or is having some kind of psychosis. Find out either way and then cut off or help her seek MH support. Again, poor B. Unimaginable what she’s having to deal with, can’t even have her grief for a minute without all this happening. Just completely horrendous.

Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 18:11:24

She doesn’t have form for lying specifically but she does for attention seeking, definitely.

Her attention seeking previously has been like showing off/ acting out rather than lying but she likes to be the ‘extreme’ one.

She claimed to have a bump from about 9 weeks which is one of the things which peaked B into thinking it wasn’t true. B showed very early (about 14 weeks).

From what we can work out, A was claiming to be about 18 weeks and another thing that made me suspect was that despite all the excitement, no one in the family ever saw a scan picture. The pregnancy has been all over group chats but no where on social media at all. Not unusual in itself but definitely u usual behaviour for A as she shares everything on FB.

A has no history of mental health issues but like I say, she can be quite extreme and has a hell of a temper so it’s possible there’s something underlying and the grief we’ve all felt has brought it out.

lordofthefries Mon 08-Apr-19 18:13:31

I wouldn’t respond to her st all, but I would be very concerned, this isn’t normal

Whatsername7 Mon 08-Apr-19 18:14:06

I think you need to ask her out right - are you pregnant? Why didnt your girlfriend know? Why would you make this up? Keep it simple. I feel so sorry for your other sister, she must be devestated.

cuppycakey Mon 08-Apr-19 18:14:23

I would take a huge step back and wait to see what develops.

BalloonSlayer Mon 08-Apr-19 18:15:52

Do you think that she is planning a "pregnancy loss" so she can get the same level of sympathy and attention that B received?

GregoryPeckingDuck Mon 08-Apr-19 18:16:57

I would call her girlfriend and ask her to encourage your sister to seek help.

44PumpLane Mon 08-Apr-19 18:17:05

Could A be preparing to share a loss in a similar way to B (although B's loss is obviously real).

Could A be seeking the attention and emotional support that B has received? Is she that attention seeking?

Whatever it is, I cannot possibly fathom the distress your sister B has been through and this is very very cruel if its purely attention seeking. Even if the pregnancy was real its incredibly insensitive to force it in B's face so here is clearly something not right with A as noone without some other issue would surely do this?! (other issues including MH issues or being generally vile or narsissistic etc)

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