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AIBU at this comment....

(29 Posts)
Scootagal Sun 17-Mar-19 20:08:47

This is quite an old comment but something reminded me of it today and it got me riled again...

I was pregnant and out for lunch with my female work colleagues. One of them started saying she would probably never have kids because....'it would probably have Downs Syndrome, or die inside me'....

Nobody said anything but I was seething at how inconsiderate it was to say in front of someone who was pregnant and also just how ignorant and callous. And also that nobody thought to pipe up to say um that's maybe a bit inappropriate...

Am I being unreasonable in my anger about it or should I have been more thick skinned??

WorraLiberty Sun 17-Mar-19 20:12:04

Difficult to say without knowing why she said it.

Did no-one ask her?

She's probably a bit miffed that no-one bothered asking if there was something wrong.

EcclesThePeacock Sun 17-Mar-19 20:13:20

I'd imagine no one else said anything because they were dumbstruck, and/or couldn't beat their ears.

Not unreasonable to have been upset about it, but try to let it go now.

EcclesThePeacock Sun 17-Mar-19 20:13:52

Beat? confusedBelieve their ears.

WorraLiberty Sun 17-Mar-19 20:14:38

Yes but there must've been a reason behind her saying it. People don't just declare that sort of thing off the tops of their heads.

dragonsfire Sun 17-Mar-19 20:14:49

Is she older? Yes bit strange to say/bring up but maybe she was trying to share something and is upset no one asked?

Maybe but much to be angry about it but I understand you finding it innappropriate

Biancadelrioisback Sun 17-Mar-19 20:15:04

When did this happen?

WorraLiberty Sun 17-Mar-19 20:17:21

Not sure about the Down's Syndrome comment but the 'It would probably die inside me', might mean she's had miscarriages before?

StillCoughingandLaughing Sun 17-Mar-19 20:17:49

It’s a bizarre thing to say - but why couldn’t you have been the person to ‘pipe up’ that it was inappropriate?

ScreamingValenta Sun 17-Mar-19 20:19:01

My first thought was that she might have had previous miscarriages.

starzig Sun 17-Mar-19 20:21:46

Sorry, not getting the big offense. She was commenting on herself, no-one else.

Birdsgottafly Sun 17-Mar-19 20:23:10

If she was a generally nasty person then it's worth getting upset about.

But it might have been her sharing how she felt.

It was probably said without thinking.

Dippypippy1980 Sun 17-Mar-19 20:24:04

It’s a really odd and insensitive thing to say.

Does she think she is funny? Or is she very young and trying to show off by being controversial. Either way she is an idiot.

Hopefully she regretted her thoughtless words afterwards and is now embarrassed.

greenlynx Sun 17-Mar-19 20:31:45

It’s a very strange and stupid comment especially in front of someone who’s pregnant. I would think that she loves drama and avoid her a bit.

tangerine23 Sun 17-Mar-19 20:32:53

She sounds super trashy!!!

Crockof Sun 17-Mar-19 20:37:11

I'd agree with those saying she has lost ss baby. My good friend does this all the time, it's a kinda of protection for her, like if she makes the joke, says the unthinkable then she is protected. Very few people know the absolute shit she has been through.

mrwalkensir Sun 17-Mar-19 20:45:21

she was talking about her, not you. Why would you be seething?

Lizzie48 Sun 17-Mar-19 20:47:19

It was a very strange and inappropriate comment but it wasn't directed at you. I'm not clear why you're 'seething' about it.

nocoolnamesleft Sun 17-Mar-19 20:48:51

I suspect she's previously had pregnancy losses.

TheNavigator Sun 17-Mar-19 20:50:36

And also that nobody thought to pipe up to say um that's maybe a bit inappropriate...

That includes you - you didn't say anything so I am not sure why you are surprised no one else did. It sounds a crass remark, but no one said anything and the conversation moved on - let it go?

SlackerMum1 Sun 17-Mar-19 20:54:10

I’d be more concerned about why she would have said it than be ‘seething’. Doesn’t it seem more likely that she has a personal or family history that makes her think that? And perhaps finds it hard to deal with happily pregnant people? Rather than her having a bizarre dig at you.... in the circumstances it sounds a bit self centred to be ‘seething’ about it.

cadburyegg Sun 17-Mar-19 20:57:03


PurpleDaisies Sun 17-Mar-19 21:01:34

That’s such a weird comment, I doubt it’s come totally out of nowhere. That’s not to say she was right to say it but I bet there’s more under the surface

Lizzie48 Sun 17-Mar-19 21:04:34

@cadburyegg please say why you think the OP is U?

ItsAMooPoint Sun 17-Mar-19 21:16:14

I would say she's likely suffered in some way relating to pregnancy. Miscarriages sounds the most likely from what she's said.

It is and odd thing to say but it's the kind of thing I imagine there has to be a reason behind.

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