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AIBU?

Can't even believe I'm posting in here

144 replies

boddtm · 10/03/2019 23:15

Honestly, questioning myself.
So, I've known for some time a girl at DH work has a bit of a crush. Noticed it on the Christmas do 2 years ago, warned DH - nothing heavy - just a bit of a 'hey heads up be careful" ie don't encourage.
Ff 2 years and since then I've met her a few times over nicey nicey oooh haven't you bagged yourself a good one etc.
Not an issue as far as I'm concerned. I trusted DH and just laughed it off.
Last night he and the team went out. No spouses, not a big deal. I didn't wait up but heard chatting when he got in. She's phoned him from taxi at 2am for a 10 minute chat. He can't apparently remember what about. He's also hidden a photo in one of these photo booths with her and a couple of other team members where she's sitting on her knee.
I'm a bit ragey about this - AIBU?

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alwaysncxx · 10/03/2019 23:16

YANBU I would be totally pissed off at both of them.

boddtm · 10/03/2019 23:17

Omg thank you. So what do I do?

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nevernotstruggling · 10/03/2019 23:18

Sounds like her more than him

alwaysncxx · 10/03/2019 23:19

It does seem like it's more her than him but I would question hiding the photo, obviously because he knows her sitting on the knee would infuriate you

Mustgetonwithit · 10/03/2019 23:20

Might all be from her side possibly? You need more info really but odd to ring at 2am unless she'd had a few? Althou I wouldnt ring at that time tbh.

boddtm · 10/03/2019 23:20

Agreed. It's the hiding stuff I'm ragey about. He is in a senior position at work and to my mind has to be a bit standoffish knowing this is an issue.

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alwaysncxx · 10/03/2019 23:21

Also I don't see why she'd feel the need to ring a married man at 2am in the morning. I think it's inappropriate

boddtm · 10/03/2019 23:21

She was in a taxi with three other colleagues (girls) and as soon as they got out she rang him....

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alwaysncxx · 10/03/2019 23:23

@boddtm very sus it's not helping that your DH can't remember what she spoke about.

Perhaps talk to him (calmly if you can) and explain that you're not happy that she seems to be trying to instigate something and that he shouldn't be trying to conceal photos

boddtm · 10/03/2019 23:23

He admits to hiding. I'm not a hold it and wait kind of person. I tell him I'm pissed off and he's not seeing my point. He thinks IABU and since he has no idea what was said in phone call he can't comment! But assumes it wasn't inappropriate.

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boddtm · 10/03/2019 23:24

@alwaysncxx thanks lovely. You seem very head screwed on. I have done this but perhaps I'm not getting best out of him as he is STILL highly hungover.

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alwaysncxx · 10/03/2019 23:25

@boddtm there isn't really much you can do, has he explained why he hid the photo?

alwaysncxx · 10/03/2019 23:26

@boddtm if you trust him take his word that nothing inappropriate was said

I know it's difficult when all sorts of things are going through your mind! I've experienced the same.

Namechangeforthegamechange · 10/03/2019 23:26

She phoned a married man for a 2am chat, that makes it inappropriate, not the content per se.

BuildingBackUp · 10/03/2019 23:27

Sorry op but I’d say there’s something more going on here.

In your shoes, I would say nothing more now...but I would watch and wait. And i’d be looking at his phone the first chance I got.

alwaysncxx · 10/03/2019 23:28

Agree with PP her actions were inappropriate, no need to be calling him

Mustgetonwithit · 10/03/2019 23:28

I'd wait it out a bit. Maybe she like 'one of the lads' at work so they all piled in the phone booth and he thought you'd be peed off ( understandibly) as was sitting on him. Still think its her though. Another though-maybe she thought she would stir trouble by ringing? You can drive yrself mad sometimes when theres nothing going on. Ive done it myself so just saying. Id let it go until you have real proof. Hopefully its just her having an unforfilled crush.

everydaymum · 10/03/2019 23:29

Concealing the photo shows he knew it was wrong. Also, why keep the photo? I'm not saying he's done anything inappropriate, but maybe he's enjoying the attention.

boddtm · 10/03/2019 23:29

Exactly. Not much I can do. But I'd like him to see my point. He's so laid back he's almost horizontal and I'm rarely that ragey. But this has massive implications for work and also my trusting him with this photo thing. I feel he needs to maybe be a bit more marriage-y than oh it's harmless kind of thing. Maybe he's flattered? But he's also married

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RhymingRabbit · 10/03/2019 23:29

Very disrespectful and inappropriate. I would find or very hard to trust someone who hid things from me.

Professionally also very inappropriate.

alwaysncxx · 10/03/2019 23:30

Makes it more difficult as they work together. It's very unprofessional on her part and on his if there's anything more going on between them

boddtm · 10/03/2019 23:32

I should put here that had there been no issues before or even if there had and he'd told me about it I wouldn't have had an issue with a photo. There were 4 people and you have to squash in a booth.

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MyKingdomForBrie · 10/03/2019 23:32

'He's not seeing my point' - course he is, he's just not admitting it.

'He has no idea what was said in the phone call' - bullshit.

I would be going nuclear - I would make it clear that trust was gone, that I didn't believe him re the call and that the reason behind him hiding the photo was clearly because he had something to hide

He needs to a) give full disclosure and b) grovel.

Giving you attitude and pretending you're over reacting is not bloody on.

AdaColeman · 10/03/2019 23:32

Can't remember = doesn't want to tell you.

ReallyReallyNo · 10/03/2019 23:34

Turn the scenario around and ask him how he’d feel if the exact same thing happened with you and a male work colleague. What would he think/feel about it?

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