To move and not tell the in-laws....(very lighthearted)(295 Posts)
Hi everyone...first time poster, long time stalker here. My life is pretty boring so never had anything of real substance to moan about on here but finally something I and ask you lovely people is IAMBU...
Now obviously I won't change the locks. I have a 4 year old and a 7 week old so it would be far too much of a bother (and mean I have to stop cuddling the kids to do it).
So...DH, MIL, SIL and her DH and 5 DC (yes 5) all live in a 5 mile radius of us. We moved from London 10 years ago and they all liked the area and to my horror have moved here. DH thinks it is great but as you can imagine I am distraught (feigning total trauma here).
3 days ago I went out on my own with my 2 DD, it was genuinely stressful due to discovering that my 4 year old had taken all the nappies out of the baby bag midway through a nappy change. Thankfully a mum was waiting outside and took pity on me and gave me spare nappy...angels do exist.
So frazzled and stressed I arrived home and opened the front door...to be met with 5 kids in the playroom that had been totally ransacked (oldest is 12 and was literally throwing things across the room). The utter shock must have been all over my face as when I walked in the living room all 4 of the adults started making excuses about the state of the house. oh they are just kids, they will tidy up, they are just excited...etc...etc.
I could feel my face getting red and then I look at my BIL and see he is eating the dinner I had put in the slow cooker and in the corner of the room a box of chocolates I had bought as a thank you to my neighbours had been opened and half eaten.
I am now very ashamed about what happened next but I somewhat exploded. I tried to restrain myself but found whilst asking 'Is that our dinner?' to my husband that my voice was rather loud and shrill...he looked sheepish and BIL smirked to which I then completely went bat shit crazy...
For context - today is my anniversary (8 years) I had prepared the meal at 6 this morning whilst the kids were still sleeping, our neighbour (who I have become very close to over the last 10 years and has basically been like a mum/gran to us) is having the girls for 2 hours so we can eat and just have a little celebration. (Hence the chocolates).
Anyway I told SIL to get in the playroom and tidy up. She looked shocked and said she was always going to tidy (a lie, she never does). Asked who opened the chocolates to which the MIL piped up and said she thought it would be nice for the kids...I told her it was not her place and was a thank you present. She stormed out. BIL slowly put his bowl down and went to help SIL.
They have now all gone - thank fully no-one tried to speak to me and I can hear DH cleaning and sorting out the house.
Have pretty much decided I am putting the house on the market tomorrow and moving.
Please tell me that I am not being a tit here...that was totally out of order right?
Few disclaimers - I have not spoken to DH so I am not sure if he offered the food or BIL just took it. Same with the chocolates. I also do not know if they were here before husband got home. MIL has a spare key for emergencies (which I am requesting back).
I have decided that DH can have the kids for the 2 hours tonight and I am off next door to have my dinner with Gladys. What is a reasonable amount of time I can go without having to look at him?
I would be apoplectic if I came home to that. Definitely boundaries crossed and in a big way. Hopefully your husband is a little more clued in going forward. It sounds like it should be your neighbour and not your MIL who has the spare key. I hope you follow through with getting it back. Happy Anniversary and I hope you enjoy your dinner.
You are all cheering me up...have lol'd a few times.
As I said it is lighthearted but it has been getting me down, especially as they know how hard the birth was with my 7 week old and how we have only just got her feeling well again after a serious infection.
Not once have they offered to cook us a meal, look after DD (4) or even help me with the baby, they just come around and expect to be waited on and pretty much destroy my house...
BUT NO MORE...I am taking a stand (ooh I feel all braveheart).
Secretly really chuffed I have finally posted on here. Feel a bit like Olivia Coleman he he he
OMG I think you were very restrained! I'd have fucked them out of it. Boundaries need to be set asap. I actually would change the locks as it wouldn't surprise me if your MIL had cut keys for everyone to have a copy. Do not apologise for giving out to them whatever you do. They are the ultimate CF's and you deserve a huge apology from them for trespassing while you and Dh were out. Dh also needs to grow a pair and realise that them being in your house uninvited is totally unacceptable. Keep them at arms length for a while.
Id be bringing the Chinese to Gladys house and leaving Dh with the kids.
@Weathermonger my lovely neighbour has a spare key but spends 4 evenings a week with her husband who is in a home. So rather than disturb her we thought it sensible to have MIL have one.
Gladys has just old me she is cutting me a key, so in future I can let myself in to hers and get our spare key. She really is a fairy godmother. I have no family and she is literally the best.
The fucking nerve of them!!
It's all been said by everyone else - good work @Wantmyflipflops, enjoy the chinese xx
@toastonbean OMG I never thought of that, she probably gave SIL once as well...yes locks will be changed.
She sounds a lovely neighbour. They were totally out of order.
Oooh I am feeding baby and just seen my phone on charge in the corner of the room flash, I can make out a whatsapp from MIL...
DUM DUM DUM...What do we reckon...an apology or her being disappointed in me...AGAIN!
What dreadful in-laws you have. How dare they let themselves into your house and help themselves to your dinner and chocolates. I think you should also change the locks. And not invite them round again until all of them have apologised to you.
YANBU! Sell up and move as far away as possible. I found 45 minutes away was the magic number that the In laws stopped coming round at the drop of a hat.
My breaking point was when I came home from work and saw MIL walking down the street with BIL (teen at the time). Suddenly realised he was wearing one of DH’s jumpers. She’d let herself into the house while we were out, rummaged through the drawers to find a jumper for BIL. WTAF! I changed the locks the next day and we moved about 8 months later
You are my hero! How fantastic to give them all an earful like that rather than being all nicey and nicey and then crying upstairs saying 'nothing' when DH asks what's wrong (like I would).
I am channeling my inner FlipFlop for next time anyone takes the pi$$...
Fucking hell, not surprised you exploded. Cheeky cunts helping themselves to your dinner and chocolates.
Why the fuckity fuck did they think it was ok to let themselves in!
Change the locks, I bet they have made a copy.
Leave a spare with Gladys.
This is the sort of shit my inlaws would pull, but we thankfully live in a different country.
If you are worries about locking yourself out of your house again, get one of those small key safes then bolt it discretely to an outside wall.
Just don't tell anyone where it is or the number.
I wouldn't even ask for the key back - change lock and let her make a show of herself trying to get in the next time she dares set foot on your door step.
@Raspberry10 Oh I feel your pain, it is not unheard off for BIL to pop over to borrow DH clothes. He even once borrowed some trunks which funny enough DH has not wanted back ha ha
@PurpleWithRed after 12 years I have pretty much lost all respect from them. MIL is an actual nut case and I am sure when I get around to reading her text it will be about something inane and this would have never happened in her eyes ha ha
Just as a bit of a side line. To anyone who gives a key to a family member / neighbour as a just in case situation . Get yourselves a false stone/rock ! They have an empty cavity inside and you can put a key and hide it somewhere in your garden out of the way, under bushes,semi buried, in the back garden etc. That way you control who comes into your house.
Oh yes, do what Drum2018 says. Bollocks to her, cheeky witch.
@SlinkyDinkyDory a different country...you lucky thing
MIL lives opposite my 4 year olds nursery, texted me last week to tell me that I looked tired when I dropped her off...WTAF
@Drum2018 She is bat shit crazy, would scale the wall and get in the bathroom window lol
Who on their right mind wouldn't have exploded? Nothing to be ashamed of there, on your part.
Your DH can change the locks, then you get to keep on cuddling your babies.
Seriously overstepping boundaries. You were restrained especially 7wks after giving birth!!
I would suggest whatever the text from MIL says do not reply or engage until tomorrow at the earliest.
First off - Happy Anniversary
Next - congratulations on your 7 wk old!
Next - congratulations on letting your in-laws know how their behaviour was completely unacceptable and your DH ... well how on earth could he have forgotten your anniversary??
I do hope your dinner (the one your DH is organising rather than the one you BiL decided was for his consumption) is well tasty!
Can't wait to see what your MiL has sent... watching with interest.
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