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Am I too demanding

(188 Posts)
Cozynightin Wed 20-Feb-19 20:30:24

Boyf of six months . We meet once/ twice a week . We live near eachother . I would like more but he wants to take things slow . He is going away for the weekend on Friday . We met last night, Tuesday. I will not see him until next Tuesday as he said he won’t be recovered until then . Is this good enough or am I too demanding ? We are in our early thirties . He is home alone tonight and tomorrow night relaxing and will do the same
Next Sunday and Monday . Should I be concerned that he isn’t really into me ?

Cozynightin Tue 05-Mar-19 13:38:51

Early thirties. Me younger boys couple of years . Both same nationalities, both live very near eachother and both drive .he has been honest from the outset about his needs in a relationship but I felt that his interest in spending
Time with me would increase and it has, but it’s still remaining slow

ToeDust Tue 05-Mar-19 13:41:46

when we are together I have his full attention It can't be that hard to fake it for all of 3 hours a week...

Regardless of what he says he wants in the future, what are you actually getting out of it now? Absolutely nothing but anxiety. This relationship is doing you no good, he is taking you for a mug - and you're allowing it! You need to stop giving him headspace because he's clearly not giving you any. I'm sorry to come across blunt op but seriously you can do so much better. No relationship is worth this much angst. Pick yourself up and move on to better things.

AnxiousAspie Tue 05-Mar-19 13:48:14

You know what OP, I am sat here wishing I could go back in time and give myself a slap to wake myself up. I thought I could fix it, that it would get better, he'd stop needing so much time, but no, he will not change. It's been 4 days since I told hi I wasn't putting up with it any more and I feel like a weight has been lifted. I'm not waiting for a text, not waiting to make our next plans and not changing my life around to fit him in.

I'm better than that and he doesn't deserve me. You need to think the same way.

purplepears Tue 05-Mar-19 14:09:36

I think you'll only know his true feelings if you end the relationship and give him your reasons why. Your real reasons and true feelings. Then walk away.
If he really wants you he will do all in his power to get you back. And change his ways to make you both happy.....not just him.

LunafortJest Tue 05-Mar-19 17:11:07

Firstly no you are not demanding in the slightest, you sound like a normal person who (thinks) she is in a relationship. However it doesn't sound like you spend anywhere near enough time with this man to even know if he is married or not. How would you know he isn't? You barely even know this man, you don't even really spend any time together. Even if he isn't married, he is definitely in a relationship with another person at the same time as you. That is most definitely for sure. It is as obvious as the year is 2019. The behaviour you describe is not normal for a male that age. His interest in sex wanes because he gets it elsewhere. Add the weekends away 'with the guys'. I sense his other half has been at him for spending so much time away so that would be why he hasn't seen you for 8 days. And then 7 days previous to that. I feel for you, I have been in a similar situation. But you do not have a boyfriend or a relationship. You are the OW while not meaning to be. I have seen this so so sooooo many times before I'd be richer than the Kardashians if I had a dollar for each and every time. He is playing you. You do not have a relationship except as the ow, unfortunately. End it now before you get too deeply invested. Or before you find an angry wife/girlfriend on your doorstep.

Patienceisvirtuous Tue 05-Mar-19 17:34:17

He’s showing you who he is and that isn’t someone who prioritises you. Don’t waste any more of your time on him.

If you want a family in future, your 30s isn’t the time to be messing around with wasters...

Cozynightin Tue 05-Mar-19 21:34:29

Thank you . No he isnt married. I’ve met his family and friends on a number of occasions . I don’t think he’s hiding anything except having a female friend in an ivory tower and gushing about her personality but there is no physical thing happening . Only friends from work . He spends his down time playing sport, watching films, boozing with his mates or with his family .

AlexaAmbidextra Tue 05-Mar-19 23:39:14

OP. Are you the poster who posted over Christmas in a similar situation, disappointed that her boyfriend said he could see her for an hour or so on Christmas Day but would be spending it with his family. He had a close female friend too. Was that you?

whywhywhy6 Wed 06-Mar-19 02:27:49

YANBU.

WhyTho Wed 06-Mar-19 02:32:27

Meh, dump him.

Neither of you are wrong, just seem to be incompatible.

Dating in your 30s is pretty much “we doing this or not? I got shit to do”.

Cozynightin Wed 06-Mar-19 12:17:54

Yeah I want to marry and have kids but how long would that take to happen ??! No I haven’t posted on this before . I spent lots of time with him over Xmas , but only when he had nothing more interesting going on it transpires . He is a conundrum . Amazing when together but not together a whole amount

Patienceisvirtuous Wed 06-Mar-19 17:38:47

Cozy, I had to start all over again at 35. Managed to meet someone, get married st 38, had my son at 39 so you do have time.

Belenus Wed 06-Mar-19 18:24:08

I want to marry and have kids but how long would that take to happen ??!

I really wouldn't wait to find out. Before you know it you'll be nearly 40 and it will be very difficult to start again with someone else. End it. He won't change.

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