To wish strangers wouldn't talk to children?

[2anddone]

Just home from a rare visit to town and I couldn't believe how many strangers (mainly older people 50+) spoke to dn!
In McDonald's an old man started talking to us both, in queues in shops people tried to start a conversation with her and even paying for the car park ticket!
Dn (3) is quite shy and didn't answer them but that still didn't stop the talking to her.
At one point I said 'sorry she won't speak to somebody she doesn't know, at least the stranger danger talk worked' to which the reply I received was 'It's hard to know where to draw the line isn't it!'
I agree that not everyone is 'bad' and I feel awful that some of these older people maybe just crave conversation as they don't have anyone to talk to, I am more than happy to chat to anyone but AIBU to wish they didn't talk to the children if they don't know them?? (Prepared to be flamed!!)

[Nesssie]

Yeah they are just being polite... If they tried to take her hands and walk off with her, then you may have a point, but talking to her whilst you are there? YABU

[JustHereForThePooStories]

Stop the world, I want to get off.

[Sirzy]

Stranger danger isn’t about encouraging people to be scared. Presumably if your neice ran off and was lost uou would want someone to help?

[Nicknacky]

Teaching her “stranger danger” is all very well and good until there comes a time where she might need to speak to a stranger. And you have taught her to be scared of them.

[angelikacpickles]

Seriously? Talking to people you don't know is a normal part of life and these people are doing nothing wrong.

[TheDustbunny]

YABU. The whole stranger danger thing is nonsense especially considering that children are far more likely to be harmed by people that they know, and that they might have to turn to a stranger for help in certain situations. What is important is that they are taught about no one being allowed to touch them, that they must never go with anyone, stranger or someone known to them, without you having agreed it, no matter what the person says, and that they have the confidence to get away and look for an appropriate adult if someone is making them uncomfortable.

[BarbarianMum]

Yes YABU. If ypu dont want other people to talk to your cgildren, fine. Tell them or maybe they could wear a badge or something to let people know. But I most certainly wanted people to interact with mine. I certainly never told my kids "not to talk to strangers" because its a bizarre and unhelpful message. I did teach them not to goo off with people they didnt know and who to ask for help if they were in trouble.

[CrookedMe]

Oh, honestly. There is a massive difference between making polite chit chat with a passing stranger to teaching your child never to go off with anyone they don't know. Why can't people talk to your child when you are right there. They're hardly going to tuck your child under their arm and sprint away with her. Don't you also want your child to be curious and kind, open to the world and interested in others? Not to mention polite?

I honestly wonder how some people navigate the world sometimes. Like those threads where people are furious that people want to admire their babies.

[PatchworkElmer]

I like it when people talk to DS (2). I think it’s good for him to meet new people and be comfortable doing so. I keep a close eye on him, so I’m not sure what the problem would be...

I also talk to other children when out and about, so maybe I’m a ‘problem person’ too 😂

[Hecatethewitchescat]

YABVU , they are probably just being friendly and passing the time of day. Your daughter needs social interaction to learn through life, we always have to speak to people we don't know. Yes learn about stranger danger but research is there that shows the biggest threats are from people we do know.

[small2018]

Agree with @CrookedMe 💯

[pennycarbonara]

Those of us who grew up with the Stranger Danger campaigns have different and stricter attitudes on this than people who were kids before that. And now there is a new different more nuanced approach which she may encounter at school,: www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-45813069 (thought I heard about this on MN as well)

[Heuschrecke]

And this could be one reason why so many older (50 isn't old anyway) people are lonely and just enjoy a small interaction between an adult and their child whilst out and about. You sadden me, OP.

[madmum5811]

YABU, when you lose your child in a shop, park I hope to God someone finds them and takes them to a place of safety for you.

[Rainatnight]

Sorry, YABU. They're just being friendly. People in this country complain about people not being friendly enough to kids so there's no winning.

As long as the chat isn't inappropriate and they're not trying to, say, touch her or feed her, it's nice.

I look on it as a good opportunity for DD to practise her small talk!

[Mishappening]

So - she is not allowed to interact with fellow human beings - and they cannot interact with her. Well - heaven help the poor lass!

[brizzledrizzle]

Those of us who grew up with the Stranger Danger campaigns have different and stricter attitudes on this than people who were kids before that.

Some of us do.

[Ohyesiam]

How magnanimous of you to agree that not everyone is bad.

[TimeWoundsAllHeals]

I like it when people talk to my kids, they seem to get a lot out of it.

[Madratlady]

And this is why we don’t do ‘stranger danger’, there’s no reason why we shouldn’t talk to people we don’t know and it doesn’t help to teach children to be scared of other adults. Not to mention that it’s not usually strangers that are the biggest risk. We do have very clear rules on staying safe but nothing that involves not talking to ‘strangers’.

[CrookedMe]

What works for us is a secret codeword: if someone tries to take my kids somewhere they ask what the code word is. If they don't know the code word they're not a safe person, and my kids have permission to scream shout, do whatever it takes to get away and find a safe person.

You need to think past STRANGERS = BAD because that isn't equipping her for life when you're not around.

[NotANotMan]

Nope, stranger danger isn't about children being scared of every stranger. What's wrong with you?

[StepAwayFromGoogle]

YABVU. People are being friendly FFS, they're not snatching your DN and running off down the road with her

[SixToEightInchesOfSnow]

Jesus Christ 🙈

[IrmaFayLear]

How depressing.

I was in Sainsbury's a while ago and a little girl was having a mega meltdown. I caught the mum's eye and smiled, "We've all been there - don't worry!" To which she replied, "Do I know you? Because why are you talking to me?" I was pretty mortified and hoped she was pleased with herself for being so nasty.