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AIBU?

Aibu to think she's the one who should apologize?

219 replies

TheExamStartsNow · 15/09/2018 11:46

This is so weird, I need some unbiased opinions.

We were at a family gathering yesterday. I was inside helping the host (my husband's aunt) with food prep, my husband was superving our two children (aged 4 and 7) in the garden, there were other various relatives milling about between the kitchen, garden, and living room.

Husband's cousin, Helen, arrives with her 2 kids, but goes straight in to garden with them. As I'm preparing stuff, I'm half looking out the window at the kids all playing. After a few minutes, I'm aware that my husband and Helen's body language looks like they're having an argument - she looks furious, he is pulling an "Are you serious?!" type face and then walks away from her. She follows after pointing at him and saying something, he sort of waves her off over his shoulder and goes in to the living room. She walks off crying and goes to her car. My husband went back to supervising the 4 kids. I went out to get the gossip help him.

He said "ive just had a row with Helen. DS1 told her his joke, she went mad..."

I'll interject here, and explain my 7 year old has learnt this annoying joke from a tv show he watches:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Ididap
Ididap who?
Ha! You said "I did a poo!"

Juvenile, yes. I certainly don't encourage toilet humour, but it doesn't seem that unusual for boys his age either IME. A simple "That's not appropriate" is adequate.

However, Helen was deeply offended by this. She said to my 7 year old "what kind of school do you go to that they teach you to be so rude?! That's the way to never get a job when you're older, talking that way!"

My husband replied "you're overreacting, and my kids are 4 and 7, so I don't think you need to worry about their job prospects just yet."

7 year old then asked to tell her another joke. She replied "I don't want to hear anything else from you until you apologise to me." I doubt ds1 really understood what he was apologising for, but immediately said sorry and then asked if he could tell her another joke. She crossly replied "I don't want to hear anything from you, your dad should be telling you off!"

Husband then started to walk away. She came after him saying "you ought to tell him off for being rude, I thought you were raising him better..."

Husband, losing patience, said "wind your neck in and stop following me. He's apologised, you need to let it go. Thats the end of it"

She then stormed off to cry in her car.
She eventually came back in wearing huge sunglasses and proceeded to ignore everyone for the rest of the party. I tried saying hello to her, as this was the first I'd actually seen her, and she blanked me. So I said louder "hello helen" and she grunted "hi" and walked off. When we came to say bye to everyone, she again said nothing.

I have rationalized this as being such an overreaction from her that she must have something else going on in her life that has made her snap over something so trivial. So I'm therefore being patient/understanding. However, I do think she has crossed a line by saying things about my childrens' schooling and future chances of employment?! It's such a ludicrous thing for her to say, but she said it directly to my 7 year old which I think is much ruder than the original joke. For context, she has always made snide digs about their school. Things like pointing out her kid's school is rated Ofsted outstanding, and ours is only good (still not sure why she felt the need to look up our rating?!) she is quite a competitive person though, and definitely likes to feel her kid's have/do better than everyone else's. So this comment about their school felt like a personal dig rather than an off the cuff comment.

My 7 year old has already forgotten it. I'm not angry, just baffled.

Unfortunately, in this side of the family, whoever cries or acts the most offended is the one who is owed an apology. Uncle has suggested ds1 should properly apologise, maybe in a letter, and said that toilet humour is a big no-no in their house. Ds1 was nonplussed but a bit baffled and asked "but why? It's just poo. We all do it"

I'm kind thinking she should be apologising for overreacting though. He was a bit rude, but she was ruder. She may have other stuff going on, I don't know, but I can honestly say I've had a pretty life changing year in terms of shit stuff, and I've never taken it out on anyone else, especially a 7 year old!

Aibu?

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WhoopiGoldbergsCat · 15/09/2018 11:50

She was being ridiculous! It was a funny joke (when you're 7!)
What an absolute overreaction from her, you've got to feel a bit sorry for someone who gets that offended at a poo joke.