DH doesn’t respect me

[Mummytowooter]

DH likes to go out with work friends every now and again. I have no problem with that but...
He always comes home in a state!
In addition he’s the boss and I really think he should ensure he maintains his professionalism!
When he comes home he;

1. Absolutely reeks of alcohol
   
2. Usually wakes DD (she’s 5)
   
3. Vomits loudly (sonic she isn’t awake at this point she now will be)
   
4. He’s such a state with a hangover the next day he cannot function and as a family we literally lose the entire day!
   
5. He knows my mum was an alcoholic when I was very young and I struggle when he’s in a state as it brings back horrific memories for me (the smell triggers something in me)
   

I admit in the past I’ve had issues with jealously following him kissing another woman and i’ve worked really hard on myself to move past it. I do trust him so that’s not an issue. He has asked me previously not to bug him while he’s out-just a text here or there and I’m ok with that but still communication on his part is non-existent. It’s 23:21pm and I still don’t know what time he intends on getting home! He said he would call “in a minute” and that was an hour ago!!!
I need to know AIBU?

[Fishface77]

That sounds horrible.
Is it a deal breaker?
Can’t he drink less?

Why did you have to work so hard to get past your feelings of jealousy? He shouldn’t have kissed another woman!

The phone call thing...sounds a bit like hard work.
In my opinion Yanbu.

[Aintnothingbutaheartache]

You know you are not being unreasonable in any way.
This is absolutely unacceptable behaviour.
I’m sorry that you are dealing with this but I really don’t have any other advice apart from get out.
Unless he can see that this is wrong, and make a change, it’s only going to get worse.
Sorry to be so negative

[Singlenotsingle]

Not U at all! Not a good example to set to the workforce either, is it? Although I don't know what you can do about it! Just go to bed and ignore it I suppose!

[IhopeyoulikeNavantoo]

I think if he's drinking so much that he is always vomiting loudly then he has a drinking problem and he should get help.

[Mummytowooter]

He’s got no self control. It’s like once he starts he can’t stop. He hardly drinks at home but when he’s out it’s like he’s a teenager! It’s not a deal breaker (yet).

The other woman was a friend and it happened right in front of me. I confronted him. 3 other friends saw it and he still tried to deny it. It took a really long time for him to admit it and that’s only because I really persevered. This was also alcohol related. He sounds like a cock but on a normal day he’s perfect. WTF is wrong with him and alcohol?

He still hasn’t rang but he’s text to say he will be home in a bit and he’s “fine”. I’ve told him to go home with a friend if he’s a mess cos I’m not dealing with him

[Mummytowooter]

Not an alcoholic thankfully and that would be a deal breaker.

[Aintnothingbutaheartache]

Ps. You say you’ve had jealousy issues in the past that you are working on, because he kissed another woman!
Don’t be a victim!
The fact that you mentioned that implies you’re a little suspicious of his nights out.
Saturday night, at home with a 5 yr old while he’s out on the lash telling you not to contact him................no

[Mummytowooter]

I can’t say it never crosses my mind.

[Aintnothingbutaheartache]

Why did you tell him to go home with a friend?!

[Mummytowooter]

I’m angry with him.

[Aintnothingbutaheartache]

Yeah but you will have no ammunition if he crashes at a mates house (or worse, sorry) when he comes home tomorrow. He’ll be all “oh I feel like shit and it’s all your fault cos you were arsey last night and I’m going to bed so fuck our family Sunday “
Stand and fight!

[Raven88]

I used to be like your DH and my DH hated it, he admitted that he considered leaving me once because I was so drunk that I blacked out. I calmed down my drinking and now we have night outs that don't turn into a shit show. YANBU.

[FASH84]

The behaviour is immature but it does depend how often, if this is once or twice a year for a big work do and the Christmas party for example I'd probably let it slide, more often would be a deal breaker. How old is he and what kind of job does he do where this is ok?

[Mummytowooter]

It’s good that things are better your end Raven.

I don’t want to fight with him. I just want home to be able to go out, have a nice time and then turn up not a mess. You’re right though. It will come back on me because iwas shitty with him

[RafikiIsTheBest]

How often is he doing this?
If it's a few times a year, or every few months then YABU, if it's often then YANBU.

Although I do think drinking to the excess of always being ill from it is too much, but many people seem to think that is to be expected.

[Mummytowooter]

It’s every few months. I don’t mind him going it’s just the state he comes back in that’s a problem.

I don’t want to be unreasonable but I don’t think the respect is there either. If he considered anyone but himself he would let me know he’s ok and what time he’s coming home at least

[Mummytowooter]

I should mention he’s 40 not 25 so he really should know better

[Aintnothingbutaheartache]

You haven’t been shitty to him!
Come on! You’re a young family with a 5 year old. It’s absolutely fine to go out with mates every now and then and I’m sure we’ve all put the other half to bed with a bucket just in case, but that’s not what’s going on here.
You are sad, frustrated and angry.
Not for the first time he has gone out with work colleagues (employees) and got so pissed that he wakes the baby puking and is a useless pile the next day!
You don’t know what he’s up to, he doesn’t like you to contact him.
I’m sorry but OP, don’t give him the easy option of getting shitty and telling him to stay with a friend!
Tell him to get his sorry arse home and spend a Sunday with his family!

[Mummytowooter]

He reckons he’s waiting for a taxi and he’s fine. He better fucking turn up before half past or he can sleep in the garage.
I could cry though and and I feel like this every time.

[Mummytowooter]

Aintnothingbutaheartache

I won’t

[Aintnothingbutaheartache]

That’s the point mummy. Why didn’t you just go to bed? He’s going to come in arse oled and you’re gonna be upset and then there’ll be a row that you will get blamed for!
Go to bed and deal with it in the morning

[Mummytowooter]

Will do. I’m so tired as been up since 6am. DD likes to get the most out of her weekends

[Aintnothingbutaheartache]

I can feel you seething 😬

[Mummytowooter]

I most definitely am. The last time this happened I left him on the tiled bathroom floor naked and when I got up in the night to pee I gave him a nice hard kick . Some might frown upon it and normally I’m not aggressive but at least I knew he was still breathing

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

If he comes home intoxicated put him in recovery position talk the next day
You’ll get no sense out a drunk, keep him safe given he’ll be imtoxicated and has vomited in past
If you don’t know how to do recovery position it’s on you tube recovery position video