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AIBU?

To think ex’s new girlfriend is a cheeky fucker?

128 replies

CandiedPeach · 15/07/2018 20:29

Posting to vent more than anything because I don’t want to say anything to my ex about it.

Ex has a new gf (although not sure he’s technically calling her a gf). He’s been seeing her about 6 weeks though and she’s been out with his friends a few times, some of his friends I’m also very good friends with.

So I’ve been told by two mutual friends who I do trust. That the new gf has made some comments around how much maintenance ex pays me. Along the lines of ‘can you believe he pays her xxx amount, make no wonder she can go on holiday all the time’ type of stuff. Not in front of ex, but on both occasions she’s been out with his friends she’s brought this topic up and made a few comments in regards to it.
On the first occasion one of his friends even said to her, you do realise we’re still friends with candied too, don’t you! She then apparently said, oh it’s not a dig at her or anything. But she still made more comments.

I’m furious, not at her knowing what he pays or even telling people that. That’s his business I guess. But discussing how I spend my money and to my friends. That’s fucking cheeky, isn’t it?

OP posts:

Report

Readyfortheschoolhols · 15/07/2018 20:31

She is actually pissed off he is supporting his own dc then? Likely won't last long will they?

Bambamber · 15/07/2018 20:35

Yeah that's a bit cheeky. I can't see her being able to build friendships with them if she keeps making comments about you

CandiedPeach · 15/07/2018 20:42

I’m not sure Ready I think she’s pissed off that he’s supporting me! He’s not. But what she said was suggesting I’m spending the money on me and not dd.

She has a child of her own too.

OP posts:

CandiedPeach · 15/07/2018 20:44

And he does pay more than the csa calculator would say he should. But not a huge amount more and it’s not as if it leaves him struggling or anything. He enjoys plenty of nights out and holidays himself.

OP posts:

Readyfortheschoolhols · 15/07/2018 20:45

Likely she doesn't get as much as you and that's miffed her!!
Too bad!!

Gemini69 · 15/07/2018 20:47

it's none of her business... and how does she knows this anyway OP ?

Starlight345 · 15/07/2018 20:47

I would leave her to fall into her own hole she is digging.

Singlenotsingle · 15/07/2018 20:47

You're right, it is cheeky. Don't know what you can do about it though.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/07/2018 20:50

It's not her business. I would tell my ex so that he's aware that she's discussing 'our' business. I would also not be asking my friends to 'report' on her and, if you didn't ask them to - they're shit-stirring and I'd ask them to stop.

Mari50 · 15/07/2018 20:52

I’m not so sure if she’s the CF or if your ex is.
Your ex really should have told her it was none of her business, that they’ve even had a conversation about it at this point is really odd. Possibly your ex has been bitching to her about how much he pays which may have increased her hostility (which is completely unfounded) but I’d imagine she’s repeating what she’s heard....
I’ve been seeing someone for 10 months, it wouldn’t even occur to me to ask him what he pays his ex, it’s none of my business. As it’s none of his what my ex pays me.
I suspect your ex initiated the subject....

TheGirlWithAPrince · 15/07/2018 20:53

If she is already complaining / making comments about how much maintenance he pays then i would be worried how she will treat your children when they meet....

Its none of her business how much of his money goes towards his kids.

viques · 15/07/2018 20:54

All you can di is prime your friends with some remarks about how expensive raising children is, how it is only right that both parents support their children and how that should be the norm not the exception.

As others have said it sounds as though her ex is a deadbeat dad and she is miffed.

DarkDarkNight · 15/07/2018 20:56

I’d be pissed off your ex chose to tell her this after 6 weeks. It’s really none of her business.

ReadingRiot · 15/07/2018 20:58

She's only repeating what he's said, I should think, otherwise how would she know about your holidays etc

CandiedPeach · 15/07/2018 21:08

I’m not sure what ex has told her although obviously he can tell her what he wants. The amount she mentioned isn’t what he usually pays me, but he did the other week (it’s usually more than she said). That makes me think she’s maybe somehow seen that payment, I obviously don’t know though.

She knows I’ve been away, because he had dd for the full week and she’ll know I’m going away with dd soon, I presume because he’ll have mentioned he won’t be seeing her for two weeks.

When he told me he was seeing her, he said she got on well with her ex and he was a good dad. So she understood that we still got on and that dd obviously comes first to him.
I don’t see why he’d complain about that he pays, he could avoid it if he wanted or at least significantly underpay (he’s self employed).

OP posts:

duckfuckduck · 15/07/2018 21:08

Your ex is the cf because he toldher.

Sidelook · 15/07/2018 21:12

It’s absolutely none of her business. She should keep her nose out of what does not concern her. Her only concern she should be paying attention to is the fact that he takes responsibility for his child. If I was one of your friends that she is commenting to, I would have politely said to her “ how does this effect your life?” hopefully she will be embarrassed and shut her mouth!!

MadMags · 15/07/2018 21:13

Your friends are shit stirring.

Unless they're going to stop seeing her socially, they're just basically spreading gossip and telling tales.

I'm not saying she's right to comment, but what are they gaining from telling you?

SemperIdem · 15/07/2018 21:16

I’d be pissed off with your friends here. There is absolutely no need to feed this information back to you. They are shit stirring.

For all we know, the “I can’t believe he pays that much” comments could be meant in a ‘not met a bloke who doesn’t try and shirk his responsibilities’ way.

Unambitiousme · 15/07/2018 21:18

Absolutely, Madmags. My thoughts exactly.

LotsToThinkOf · 15/07/2018 21:20

If the amount she said wasn't the usual amount then I'd bet she'd been snooping. If he was going to tell her what he pays then surely he'd use the correct amount?

Don't let one cf new girlfriend affect the relationship you have with exP as a parent. I'd give him a call and ask to meet, speak to him face to face and explain that arrangements between you need to stay private, if he chooses to tell his gf then that's fine but it is definitely not fine for other people to know. She needs stopping now, and if she has been snooping then I guess your ex will not be happy.

Don't text or speak about it over the phone, this will give her chance to wriggle out of it. The facts are there, he needs to deal with them.

CandiedPeach · 15/07/2018 21:25

I don’t think my friend is shit stirring. She’s really lovely and not like that. She said she felt really uncomfortable with what she was saying and really guilty not saying something to me. She’s not a confrontational person so wouldn’t say anything, especially in a group. But she thought one of ex’s good friends may have said something as he’d been the one to say something to her.
The second friend told me when the first confirmed it with her.

We’ve all known each other a longtime and some were more my friends than his and vice versa so it’s quite complicated now. But I don’t ask about his gf and he doesn’t ask about my bf.

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CandiedPeach · 15/07/2018 21:29

And my friend was saying to her bf, she didn’t want to go out with her again. That’s what pushed her to bring it up with me. He didn’t actually hear it but was saying if it was effecting them being friends he’d say something. Like I said she doesn’t like confrontation, so didn’t want him saying something on her behalf. But now a few of them are discussing it and she said she feels bad I’m being talked about.

OP posts:

spudlet7 · 15/07/2018 21:38

Do you and your ex have a good relationship generally? Maybe she's jealous and shit-stirring

SemperIdem · 15/07/2018 21:40

I’m sticking with shit stirrer. I know a fair few ‘don’t like confrontation’ types and ultimately it boils down to them needing pass on bad words/news/vibes without addressing it with the person they feel is responsible. They are weak adults rather than lovely ones.

There is no need for you to know what your ex’s new partner has said. Zero.

I wouldn’t describe myself as confrontational but if I was made to feel as uncomfortable as your friend, I would certainly remind her that I am your friend and do not wish to hear her opinion on the matter.

I would not involve you in it. That would only achieve further upset you don’t need.

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