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Wwyd? Someone faking a pregnancy

(60 Posts)
Steeley113 Mon 12-Feb-18 14:09:46

So someone I work with has been saying they’re pregnant (in my line of work this means your placed straight on light duties). There was some confusion initially about dating and her saying she had a miscarriage then didn’t that was all a bit suspicious but no one said anything. She then stated last week she went for her 12 week scan and there was no baby to be found and she was to come back the next day for another scan. I messaged her on Facebook following the scan to ask how it went and she said great and sent me a picture of the ‘scan’. The scan had been pushed up to the top but had a date on of 2015. She has other children and I was a bit suspicious so I checked her previous Facebook photos and found it was the exact scan of her previous child.

I’m actually higher up then her in rank in our job and as she’s still asking for time off for appts and amended duties, I feel as though I should go to the manager with this but at the same time, it’s really non of my business. It will all come out eventually regardless but I see my other colleagues picking up the slack and feel quite bad that it’s all potentially made up? Would you go to the manager or just leave it? This girl has quite a rep for lying about things...

MrsPreston11 Mon 12-Feb-18 14:11:45

Go to the manager.

I used to work with a compulsive liar.

As well as all the bullshit "sick" days she stole quite a bit of money from the company before she was caught.

Blankuser1992 Mon 12-Feb-18 14:13:16

That’s horrible of her,

I’d go to manager with your concerns and they will go from there etc

Snowydaysarehere Mon 12-Feb-18 14:15:56

As a teen my friend faked pregnancy after pregnancy, mc here mc there - def fake . Drained us all of sympathy tbh. As an adult she has been unable to have dc.
Poor woman.
Def take it higher, she obviously needs some help.

expatinscotland Mon 12-Feb-18 14:17:22

Report it

HairyWorm Mon 12-Feb-18 14:21:21

It is totally possible that she could have had some issues in early pregnancy and has been vague or given misinformation rather than divulge personal details.

Personally, I would probably step back and see how it unfolds as you can't lie about a pregnancy for long. However, the sensible thing to do would be to speak to your manager about your concerns.

bluecashmere Mon 12-Feb-18 14:25:16

Obviously it will all be resolved soon enough. Just in case there has been some kind of miscarriage or there are problems I would hold off doing anything for now. Give it a couple of weeks and if you still have concerns speak to your manager.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 12-Feb-18 14:25:31

I don't know how she's getting away with it to be honest. Didn't her boss ask for proof eg hospital letter confirming her pregnancy.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 12-Feb-18 14:30:48

I’d mention to management that you’re concerned about her as what she’s saying doesn’t make sense. Do it without sounding like you’re accusing her or dobbing her in.

It’s very odd. I wonder if there’s something else going on that’s causing her to be so strange about it but it’s bound to come out in the wash.

I know someone who faked an entire 9 months, it started when the person I know broke up with her. She said he couldn’t as she was pregnant. Then she said she wasn’t. She was very unstable and then blocked him on everything, he was told by someone else she’d given birth, then that he wasn’t the father, and finally that it was all a lie. Just bizarre.

Lucymek Mon 12-Feb-18 14:33:53

Could she be adopting or having a surrogate.

Could one of her children or relatives be pregnant and she is planning to raise it ?

I thought work asked for a letter for pregnancy ?

SPARKS17 Mon 12-Feb-18 14:38:14

From what you've written, you don't know for certain she is faking it therefore I would step back and say nothing.

If your suspicions are true it will come out later, but at this stage its not for you to interfere even if suspicious.

Your management should have a policy in place to prove pregnancy if a change of duties are required so early.

NoWordForFluffy Mon 12-Feb-18 14:39:31

You don't generally get a letter confirming you're pregnant. You get your notes then your MATB1 at around 20-25 weeks.

I think I'd probably monitor it for a bit and then decide if there was something going on I should report up the management chain.

LagunaBubbles Mon 12-Feb-18 14:42:04

I would definitely report her.

Shedmicehugh Mon 12-Feb-18 14:42:09

I would leave it, just in case I was wrong.

Being accused of faking a pregency, is quite an accusation. I would let the manager handle it.

TheVanguardSix Mon 12-Feb-18 14:42:57

As others have said, I'd hold back. By 20 weeks, faking it will be impossible. Leave it for now because it's too difficult to prove your position, whereas a few weeks down the line, it will be impossible for her to prove hers!

HotelEuphoria Mon 12-Feb-18 14:43:17

I would raise your concerns now. She obviously can't keep an imaginary pregnancy going forever but she can feign a miscarriage and whatever sick leave she may get as a result.

PinkHeart5914 Mon 12-Feb-18 14:44:16

I would just leave it, there is always the chance you are wrong and even if you are right her web of lies will catch her out in the end!

QueenOfGaviscon Mon 12-Feb-18 14:44:48

I'd leave it for now as soon she'll have to produce a MATB1 & surely she can't fake one of them x

Steeley113 Mon 12-Feb-18 14:44:49

My manager is new and fairly new to the job. I was the first pregnant employee she had to deal with (and I was already very pregnant when she came into post) so I don’t think she thought to ask for proof of pregnancy. There could be complications but a lot of what’s been said to different staff hasn’t added up or been the same each time. I think I’ll just mention something in passing to the manager when I’m next in,

KateAdiesEarrings Mon 12-Feb-18 14:45:22

I wouldn't do anything. As PPs have said, you can't fake a pregnancy indefinitely and since she's not your direct report she doesn't have to give you accurate information about her pregnancy (or scan pics!).

JennyBlueWren Mon 12-Feb-18 14:48:18

In response to the comments about asking for letters for pregnancy, I was only asked for one when I contacted HR about maternity leave when they sent me a form to fill in and return with my MAT B and I have had a LOT of appointments recently.

mayhew Mon 12-Feb-18 14:49:39

I worked with a pregnancy faker. She went right to the "premature birth at 36 weeks". Her scan pic was her sisters. She didn't submit a Mat B1, because she "wasn't coming back after the birth".
She was found out when the manager rang her dad to ask when she could bring round some gifts.

She was a nurse.

mayhew Mon 12-Feb-18 14:50:29

We had baby pics and everything.

Steeley113 Mon 12-Feb-18 14:51:32

I was never asked to prove any of my appointments either and I’ve had weekly ones, she wasn’t even sure what to do with my mat b1 form. I suppose it will all catch up with her but I feel awful for my colleagues. Quite a few have had miscarriages (including myself just before this pregnancy) and a couple have had still borns so if she fakes it and people find out it will cause chaos.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 12-Feb-18 14:53:07

Blimey mayhew. That’s a sign something’s going badly wrong. Did anyone ever ask her why?

Emmageddon Mon 12-Feb-18 15:04:36

I wouldn't say anything. If she's not pregnant, it will soon become apparent. As others have said, she maybe having a baby by some other means, and she isn't willing to share this with all and sundry. Unless she reports directly to you, then it's not really your business.

I have worked with a compulsive liar, although she didn't lie about pregnancy, she lied about how she singlehandedly saved a child from drowning/performed CPR on the bus when someone collapsed/talked someone off the ledge on the way to work - not a day went by when she wasn't called upon to save the day. It all got a bit tiresome, but people that make things up are generally not very well mentally, there's usually an underlying reason for lying.

mayhew Mon 12-Feb-18 15:06:41

There was no explanation. She never came back. I think she was referred to the NMC.

LoveProsecco Mon 12-Feb-18 15:08:41

That seems sick unless she has issues

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Mon 12-Feb-18 15:12:45

Tell your Manager to ask for the Mat B1 when she reaches 20+ weeks if this is still going on.

Poffley Mon 12-Feb-18 15:29:06

* Didn't her boss ask for proof eg hospital letter confirming her pregnancy.*

Not necessarily, mine didn't at all. I only provided anything when I had to give in my MATB1 certificate and by then I was showing anyway.

Poffley Mon 12-Feb-18 15:29:49



Didn't anyone realise she had no bump?!

NerNerNerNerBATMAN Mon 12-Feb-18 15:40:23

Pretty sure a family member of mine faked a pregnancy and subsequent mc. Another family member worked with them and it all came out around the time they had to produce the MATB1. Then they had a mc apparently. They have form for being a compulsive liar. Very sad thing to do though if it was true. I didn't say anything.

So, personally I'd leave it a while and see what happens re MATB1.

I'm 26 weeks currently and very obviously pg. I've had LOADS of time off sick, referral to occupational health, appointments etc, and not once has my employer (very large!) asked for "proof". Only just submitting my MATB1 now.

mayhew Mon 12-Feb-18 15:59:26

Poffley, she was plump and plausible. I'm a midwife.

GabsAlot Mon 12-Feb-18 16:06:53

if shes having a baby through asurrogate she wouldnt be asking to go on light duties though would she

newyearsameme80 Mon 12-Feb-18 16:07:51

I’m not sure if you think she is lying about the whole pg or lying that she is still pg when she has had a MMC.

Mollieben Mon 12-Feb-18 16:16:10

I would leave it for now - certainly until you are sure. I know someone who faked an entire pregnancy even up to the stillborn baby ending. Even though she was outed by a very distressed family member, she continues to carry on with the story, often bringing it up on social media and revelling in the sympathetic comments she gets. It is actually very sad - she is clearly mentally ill.

Nicketynac Mon 12-Feb-18 16:19:53

My workplace has started to ask for proof of all appointments (not specifically maternity ones). Not sure what brought it on but it applies to everyone and all appointments taken within working hours.

InToMyHeart Mon 12-Feb-18 16:24:19

Sounds very suspicious but I think I would stay out of it. If you're wrong you will look really bad and if she is lying the truth will eventually come out in the end.

seven201 Mon 12-Feb-18 16:32:11

She needs help; there's something very fucked up about faking a pregnancy. I would mention it to your manager.

ReanimatedSGB Mon 12-Feb-18 16:40:17

TBH leave it, unless you are her boss. There could be something else going on that you don't know about (surrogacy? Adoption?), and the fallout could be nasty.

HopefullyAnonymous Mon 12-Feb-18 16:41:34

I wouldn’t say anything either. If you’re wrong, you’ll look like the crazy one! It will come out in the end if she’s lying.

Notasunnybunny Mon 12-Feb-18 16:53:36

I would say something. You can approach your manager and say what you said here, that you have found inconsistencies in what is being said. Then let them deal with it, it could be her being a bad taste cf, but she could have some mental health issues or she could be pregnant, but it doesn’t sound like she can be...ultra sound couldn’t find the baby?!, where had it gone? Popped to the shops? Doesn’t sound likely does it.

gillybeanz Mon 12-Feb-18 16:55:32

What a shame, the poor woman is to be pitied.
I'd just leave her to it and mind my own business tbh.
I think you have to be pretty ill to make up stories like this, maybe there's more to it. She might be making it up because she doesn't want to say what's really wrong with her. sad

RingARingOfRosies Mon 12-Feb-18 17:07:06

There are so many possibilities. As someone above has said, could she be trying to cover up sick leave/appointments for something else? Some workplaces count sick days and give warnings/take action including redundancy when a certain amount is taken but pregnancy related sick leave/time off is handled differently. Is she potentially unwell with something else & is worried about facing disciplinary action if she takes time off for it so is using pregnancy as a cover up? Could you potentially speak to her and raise your concerns to see if she needs support? Could you say something like oh I think you've sent the wrong scan as the date on that is a few years ago & see what she says? Could she have sent an old scan accidentally if she keeps them all saved in a computer folder? I was pg at the same time as my friend & had both our scan photos on my phone as we sent them to each other even very early scans so had quite a few photos. When someone asked me to send them later scan photos, I clicked on my friends photo & only when I checked the name before sending did I realise it wasn't mine.

Steeley113 Mon 12-Feb-18 18:58:22

I’m pretty sure there’s no adoption/surrogacy. Her relationship isn’t very stable and when she first said she was pregnant she told me that he wasn’t happy at all about it (will be her 3rd child and she’ll have 3 aged 5 and under). There are a lot of inconsistencies in her stories, she apparently was showing a scan photo to other staff members a few weeks ago but in her story to me about no baby on the scan she said they were querying a phantom pregnancy. I’m going to just say to the manager I think we need to be asking for proof of pregnancy as the light duties are really putting pressure on existing staff.

RingARingOfRosies Tue 13-Feb-18 09:23:19

@Steeley113 I've wondered this before- proof not being requested until the MatB. Thinking about it though, I don't know if it would be legal. It would mean an employer was asking to see someone's medical notes or scans as there isn't really any other way to prove it. Certainly in my area appointment letters aren't used, the appointments are written onto the front of the medical notes each lady carries with her at each appointment to help ladies keep track as there can often be so many.

Failingat40 Tue 13-Feb-18 09:38:26

It depends what type of job you're in.
If it's blue line I'd report.

I'm not sure a manager would be confident in knowing how to deal with such a sensitive issue though.

AveAtqueVale Tue 13-Feb-18 10:14:59

Second Failing - she’s not exactly holding up the ‘honesty and integrity thing’ if so. Plus having people on light duties unnecessarily can be dangerous to others. Mention your concerns then it’s up to the manager to investigate, not you.

Steeley113 Tue 13-Feb-18 10:15:07

We’re in health care and work with very vulnerable people, another reason why I’m so torn. I know she’s on shift today but I’m not in until Thursday... I may just sneakily pry into if she’s still requesting light duties later before I make my decision!

Steeley113 Tue 13-Feb-18 10:16:59

@RingARingOfRosies we have the notes system too here, but if she’s claiming to have had a 12 week scan then she’d have a booklet as proof? Me and all the other pregnant ladies at work (we’re having a bit of a baby boom) all have them in our lockers/handbags...

DamnItPatrice Tue 13-Feb-18 12:12:39

OP you've made the news

Steeley113 Tue 13-Feb-18 12:41:18

The daily fail? Ffs

Aridane Tue 13-Feb-18 12:48:40

Oh dear

DamnItPatrice Tue 13-Feb-18 12:51:05

The news in Australia lol

user1483387154 Tue 13-Feb-18 12:51:56

daily mirror too

Steeley113 Tue 13-Feb-18 12:54:26

Clearly a slow news day hmm

Purplehammer Tue 13-Feb-18 13:10:54

So by your desire to ingratiate yourself with your manager you have caused the possibility of a vulnerable woman being hounded by the media.
Any regrets?
Doubt it.

Steeley113 Tue 13-Feb-18 13:11:35

@Purplehammer bore off 🙄

Strokethefurrywall Tue 13-Feb-18 13:27:07

Purplehammer - Eh? How on earth would this anonymous posting cause the media to hunt down a "vulnerable" woman?

Do you wear a tin foil hat too?

RingARingOfRosies Tue 13-Feb-18 15:09:45

@Steeley113 yes here too! Although those are handheld medical notes so it would mean a manager was asking to see medical notes which I'm not sure about. It's a really tricky one. Obviously it's not up to you to worry about that, it's more I'm thinking out loud generally, not in your case, on how difficult a situation it is as it's such a sensitive topic with limited ways to prove without asking for personal medical notes. I imagine HR must have some sort of policy on it in most companies though.

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