Need advice from all wives ..

[Kav123]

I really need some advice here, I dont have a mother or sister and friends advice will be biased.
I work full time one job and part time weekend job. I am also trying to open my own business so mostly busy. I cook from Friday till Monday, as those days I can cook proper food, rest i have to travel so not possible to come home by 10 and cook. My husband mostly put beans on toast for dinner (which I have to ask for ) those 3 days or ask me to get food ordered. Once in a blue moon he will cook something then again leaves the trail of dishes in the kitchen to clean up.
My issue is that my husband doesn't seem to offer any help with household chores, if he cooks he leaves all the dishes in the sink for me to cleanup (or say i will do it tomorrow but tomorrow never comes) if eats he leaves his plates at table which i clean up in the morning, he showers and leaves clothes all over bathroom and bedroom floor, I ask him to put bins out for collection, he forgets, he has never hovered the house. He only puts the washing in if he needs something urgently but only take that one thing out to dry and leaves the rest of the clothes in the machine wet. I am constantly tired, have mile long list of things to do on my own. He has one full time job from 8-4 and get two days off a week, which he spent either visiting friends or cleaning his car.
My friend says all men are like that, so here is my question am i over reacting by bringing this up over and over to my husband attention (which causes an argument) or all husband are like that ?

[Spartaca]

Pmsl, no, not all men are like that. Only useless ones. Not that that helps you though.

[Cath2907]

All husbands are not like that and mine would be an ex-husband if he was.

A marriage should be a partnership - both working together to get to the end of the week in one piece. That means you talk, agree who is doing what and pick up the slack for one another when necessary.

I think you need to have a serious discussion with him about him contributing more.

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

No they are not - lazy cocklodging arsehole

[WhooooAmI24601]

My friend says all men are like that

Your friend is wrong. DH works long hours and is away a few nights a week. When he's here, he gets stuff done.

When we first moved in together he was blindsided by the amount I expected him to do to pull his weight as his Mum had done everything for him previously. He had to learn that everyone who lives in a home contributes to a home.

Your DH is spending his two free days each week doing what he wants. So stop everything you do for him; no washing, no ironing, no helping him whatsoever. If he leaves a trail of pots and pans around the kitchen leave them there. He is actively choosing to put you out and be a lazy drain on your time. So cut him off and refuse to engage or help him til he starts supporting you.

[wowbutter]

No, not all men are like that. Men are like that when they are arse holes and have doormat wives.
What are the consequences for when he doesn't do things? You just do them, and keep all the anger inside? Yep, so, there aren't any.

[MrTrebus]

Ok time to start telling him to clean up after himself then if he says "yep I'll do it tomorrow" then leave it, whatever it is leave it until he does it. He'll soon start to realise. If he still doesn't then honestly I'd consider ending a relationship with someone so massively selfish and disrespectful. Also get a cleaner and tell him why and make him pay for it!

[Trashboat]

If my husband was that lazy, he wouldn't be my husband for very long.

[PsychoPumpkin]

No, not all men are like that. The fact is, you both work but you have to assume the additional roles of cook and cleaner, while he does nothing around the house. It’s not fair on you.

The very least he could do is pick up after himself, he’s not a child!

[Liskee]

Do you have DC? Assuming not from your post but have just checking!

Bascially, if theres no one else being affected by it, then I'd just leave the trail of mess he creates and leave him notes saying 'clean the bathroom' 'empty the dishwasher' 'sort dinner for us both' and keep doing it until he gets the message.

I agree with PPs, he's a lazy shite and not all men are like this.

[Dungeondragon15]

Your friend is totally wrong to state that all man are like that. It is an incredibly sexist comment. Your DH is acting as if we are in the 1950s despite the fact (unlike the 1950s) you have a job. I think that most women would tell him to shape up or get out tbh.

[Callamia]

Of course they aren’t, and attitudes like that just enable those with Stone Age attitudes to continue.

Don’t put up with it. Don’t think it’s acceptable. And don’t think it’s ‘normal’.

[Blackteadrinker77]

Why are you letting him treat you this way?

The only thing my husband doesn't do is cook, as he hates it and I love it.
So while I cook he chops, passes the herbs etc, then we clean the kitchen together. It's our time to chat and catch up on the day.

If he can't spot what needs doing chores wise give him a daily list. Stop playing the martyr.

More fool your friends if they accept this.

[MagicFajita]

Not all men are like that op. My partner works a ridiculous shift pattern , but when he's here he does as much as I do.

Your husband is lazy and disrespectful.

[Pagwatch]

Part of the problem is this

"My issue is that my husband doesn't seem to offer any help with household chores"

It's not 'help'.
It's not your job and he should 'help'

Both of you are functioning adults and you should both clean, cook and care for your home.

Your friend is a dick. Your DH is an idle twat.

[HonkyWonkWoman]

Are you his Mother? Oh right! Because that is how your Dh is treating you.
He is behaving like a spoilt 15 year old.
Sit him down! Tell him all that you have told us that he doesn't do.
Tell him it will have to change!
The taking the one item of washing out and drying it, did it for me!

[lostinblankers]

All men are not like that. Even before I was diagnosed with a life changing condition my dh would routinely do shopping, cooking, laundry.
My dd now thinks I can't cook because my dh plans and does most of it.

[Kav123]

No we dont have kids...mainly bcos I am afraid i will be left alone to deal with all the responsibility. If my boiler brake i sort it out, his wardrobe door was broken for 2 months, he didnt do anything to fix it. I had to call landlord, arranged someone to come fix it. He has even asked me to change HIS direct debit to some bills if the date doesn't suit him. I told him to do it himself (hasnt changed still)

[Bambamber]

Nope not at all. My husband is in charge of the kitchen, cooks dinner every night, does all washing up, all cleaning in there, And even sometines does my lunch for work. He's also in charge of cleaning the downstairs loo. I load the washing machine, he hangs it up when it's done. I Hoover daily with our little cordless hoover, then he goes round with the big Hoover weekly. Lots of other bits and pieces too.

Direct your husband to some recipes online then tell the slob to clean up after himself

[YouBetterWORK]

He has 2 days off a week and dosses about while you do all the drudgery?! He is taking the absolute piss! No, not all men are like that.

My DH does his fair share of chores, sometimes a bit more than me I'm due our first soon; and he said to me the other day "I'll need to start doing some more in the house, as you will be focussing on the baby". Not an assumption that maternity = housework from him, no siree.

Because he's not a lazy ass cocklodger, which I'm sorry to say you've got. It isn't normal, ignore your friend and Mr Lord of Leisure needs kicking into touch.

[specialsubject]

I hope you don't have kids with this lazy individual. No, not all men are like this. He needs to change to be a partner.

Do you enjoy each others company or are you just housemates? What do you get out of this relationship? Sounds like he gets a housekeeper and sex. You are worth more than that.

If he won't change then dump him. Plenty of decent men out there. Do not have kids with him.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

No, not all men are like that, just the ones that are allowed to be.

Have you actually spoken to him about his lack of contribution/laziness?

He is fully able to do all of those things, he just chooses not to because he knows you'll clean up after him. Just stop, tell him he needs to pull his weight.

[Bettyswitch]

Is he your husband or your son?
Stop running around after him and wiping his arse!
Yes your house might be a mess for a few weeks whilst he learns to look after himself but it sounds like your not there much anyway lol.
He will only learn when you stop doing for him.

[Herewegoagain01]

Not all men are like that. My husband may not be the best at housework, but he does it. He cleans up after himself, washes clothes/puts them away, hoovers, bins and dishwasher. For context, we have 3 dc, I’m a part time student and he works evenings (plus some mornings) and all day Saturday.

Sounds like your husband is very very lazy and considers any housework to be ‘wifework’. Stop doing it, pile his mess into boxes or shove it in his car. Don’t make excuses for him, he sees you as a doormat.

[letsdolunch321]

You work full time & do a part time job as well at weekends and he does Jack Shit.

He wouldn’t be around for much longer if he was with me. Bin him off.

[Dungeondragon15]

He has even asked me to change HIS direct debit to some bills if the date doesn't suit him. I told him to do it himself (hasnt changed still)

So as well as expecting you to do all the housework he also asks you to do non-houseworks jobs as if you were his personal assistant? Rather than being like all men, I think that your DH is actually quite exceptionally lazy.