about birthday chocolates from DH?

[BendMeOver]

It was my birthday yesterday.

We set a budget of about £30 for each other for birthdays.

For the last few years for birthdays and Xmas DH has bought me chocolates from a shop whose chocolate I don't actually like. I told him years ago I didn't like it but he still buys it me from there citing reasons like "I thought you'd like this filling", "It didn't look too dark" etc.

Yesterday I unwrapped a box of chocolates from this shop and he said he got them me because they were my favourite flavour. So, we ate them after tea and I told them I didn't really enjoy them because, as I've said lots of time before, I don't like this shop's chocolate.

He went mad. We had a big row. He said I was ungrateful. I

I really don't think I was U... was I?

I've told him repeatedly I really don't like the chocolate from this shop so I'm not going to feel bad when, once again, I don't like it and tell him so. The first time he got me them and I didn't enjoy them I told him nicely (i.e. I wasn't ungrateful) but now, actually, I am pretty ungrateful because every fucking year he wastes some of my birthday budget on a present he knows I won't fucking like.

Next time it's his birthday I might spend some of the budget on tampons just to teach him a lesson.

[lovealatte]

YANBU
Why won't he stop shopping there?? Is it right beside his office? Tell him specifically where you DO like instead.

[PsychoPumpkin]

Why is he so insistent on buying from that one particular shop?

[Aderyn17]

He is being an arse and he knows it. It is disrespectful to not listen to you or think enough about you to buy something you like.
He shouldn't be sharing your chocolates anyway, they are not a present for him.

[FloraFox]

Is the shop on the way from work to home? Looks like a zero effort present he can't be arsed to remember or doesn't care that you don't like it. Not sure why he would expect you to be grateful for this.

[BendMeOver]

I have absolutely no idea. It's nowhere near where he works.

He knows where I like chocolates from (basically anywhere but this shop!)

The chocolates do always look lovely and have some very unusual flavours and I think he's just seduced by that.

[Rebeccaslicker]

It sounds like HE fancies the sound of them so justifies buying them on the grounds that they are a present for you. He then tell himself that this is the same thing as knowing that YOU will like them!

[BendMeOver]

We always share chocolates (or whatever) that we get for birthdays and Xmas.

It's not a 0-effort present. It's not near where he works.

Apart from these chocolates, he's a really amazing present buyer- always finds unusual and very personal things. I have no idea why he's so fucking stuck on these chocolates.

[Benby]

My dh does this what would you like for Xmas says he. I'd like a box of those nice chocolates from m & s says me.
He buys me a watch ! ! !
So I give up and anything I really want my mam buys me cause she actually gets me what I want lol

[FizzyGreenWater]

Wow that's quite a nasty little message he's sending there. Is he normally a passive aggressive twat- or just so lazy he makes himself look like one?!

Ok so Christmas- do the same. Spend a portion of his present money on something you know he won't particularly like, but hey, it's the first thing that popped into your head so fuck him, it's a present yeah? Presents are good yeah?

Socks
Smellies
Hankies
CD of a band he's not at all bothered by.
etc.

'What's the problem? It's a present! Stop being ungrateful...'

[expatinscotland]

YANBU. I'd definitely buy him something you know he doesn't like for his birthday, something he can't use, and then tell him he's ungrateful, it's just like those chocolates I don't like, same thing.

Why are you sharing them with him? That's why he's buying them, for himself. Take them into work the next day. Let him see it. 'Giving them out at work because I don't like them.'

[Dafspunk]

But you said ‘we ate them’. Why eat them if you don’t like them? I think this is confusing the message.

[FloraFox]

That's odd then if he's normally an amazing present buyer.

[FizzyGreenWater]

Or just buy him the chocolates. Bloody loads of them. Spend his whole budget on them.

'I get it now. You know so clearly that I dislike them that you must've buying them for your benefit. You must love them. So here you go. Next time I get them for 'my birthday', I'll just pass them to you, and take the same cost out of your birthday money and get myself something I like, and they can be an early present for YOU.'

[expatinscotland]

Stop sharing these with him. Don't open them! When he asks why, tell him you're saving them. Then take them to work the next day.

[BendMeOver]

No, he's not PA at all. As I said, he's a brilliant present buyer. He'll remember some random thing I mentioned in passing I quite liked back in March and scour the internet trying to find it for Xmas. It's just these bastarding chocolates.

I don't mind sharing my presents with him at all. We always do.

There are only about 10 chocolates in a box so taking them into work wouldn't work unless I cut them up into tiny pieces which would just look like I'd bloody well sat on them.

[BendMeOver]

But you said ‘we ate them’. Why eat them if you don’t like them? I think this is confusing the message

Because I'm a greedy fat bugger and if there's chocolate put in front of me I'll eat it. It's not that this chocolate is inedible (l find dark chocolate inedible, I wouldn't eat that even if it was in front of me) but I just don't like it (I can eat it but I don't enjoy it).

Fizzy I think he'd bloody love that

[EdmundCleverClogs]

It's not about being ungrateful for the chocolate, it's about him either not listening to you or blatantly disregarding your opinion. Why on Earth should you grin and be grateful? It only breeds more resentment, it must feel like he's taking the piss year after year.

I wouldn't back down, I would say clearly 'I usually love the gifts you give, so it just makes it more confusing as to why you also buy me something I have categorically said I don't like. It's a waste of money and I don't like to be made to feel ungrateful when it's actually you who won't listen to my opinion. I can't apologies for not liking something, that's a completely unfair expectation, especially when you know this and still insist on doing it.'. I would also remind him before your next birthday 'remember I don't like X chocolate, but Y or Z chocolates would be very appreciated!'.

[BendMeOver]

Edmund That's basically the exact thing I said yesterday. I think we argued because he knew I was right.

[RhiWrites]

What kind of dick buys his wife something she doesn’t like Every Single Year?

Is it a control thing? Does he get off on spoiling what should be a nice thing? Seriously what’s wrong with him?

At this rate I’d suggest you find something he dislikes (marmite, lemon curd, there must be something) and buy it for him as a birthday present. Either that or ask him how he’d feel if you did that Every Single Year.

[Ttbb]

My husband regularly buys thorntons chocolates for me (who in their right mind voluntarily eats those I don't know) but I always feel too guilty to confess that I hate them. He never eats them so he wouldn't know how dreadful they taste. I've just resorted to throwing out a couple every day while he is at work until they are all gone so that he doesn't get upset.

[PuppyMonkey]

If he's usually so good at buying stuff and remembering things, it sounds like he's just winding you up with these chocs. Introduce a 'no chocolates' protocol.

Thorntons. is it?

[KurriKurri]

What food does he hate ? - Buy him that for Christmas.

He's not going to get it until it turns into something that affects him, he's not thinking 'what would Bendmeover like for her birthday?' He's thinking 'what do I want to buy Bendme for her birthday?'.
And for some bizarre reason he's come up with the answer 'those manky chocolates I know she hates'.

[expatinscotland]

'There are only about 10 chocolates in a box so taking them into work wouldn't work unless I cut them up into tiny pieces which would just look like I'd bloody well sat on them.'

Sure it will! Just put the box in the office kitchen with a note, 'First come, first served' or if you don't have a kitchen then put them on your desk after announcing, first come, first served! I don't like them so fill your boots.

[EdmundCleverClogs]

I think we argued because he knew I was right

Taking from what you've said, he doesn't sound like an arse, but it's still arsy behaviour. I don't agree with tit-for-tat, but it would be tempting to buy him some rubbish for Xmas just to drive home the point. I'm sure the Nick Knowles CD will be in the bargain bin by then . Seriously though, not being listened to, even if it's minor, is really shit. I had a similar 'argument' with my partner this weekend - he's generally a lovely/normal/not a pigheaded dick as well but it was like talking to a brick wall on this occasion .

[lovealatte]

I really want to know where they are from now....