SIL being weird?(61 Posts)
I have been with my OH for just under 2 years, I am 5 months pregnant and we live together in his 2 bed apartment with no intention of moving elsewhere in the immediate future as we seem this to fit our needs.
My OH and his brother have always been close and we have always gone on holidays with his brother and his GF and we were all quite close!
However since I announced the pregnancy it's all gone up in the air. As me and OH we're at first discussing our options, although I made it clear from day 1 getting an abortion wasn't something I was comfortable doing. At first OH was up for keeping the baby and had the mindset of 'is there ever a right time to have a baby?' although after speaking to his brother he did a complete 180!! I said I didn't want an abortion but his brother showed him the BPAS website and told him they have been to these before but they also discuss financial situations with couples. OH sent this link to me and I was fuming, I rang to double check whether or not they discuss family finances as he said and they just said no they organise and carry out abortions.
After a discussion as a couple we decided we were happy and wanted to carry on with the pregnancy.
Since this OH's SIL has said to me that if she got pregnant now it would look like she is copying us they have never mentioned about trying for a baby as they live apart and will avoid us at all costs, if we're at his mums and she's there she will go and sit in another room, she is constantly slagging us off about how good of a childhood the baby will have growing up in an apartment to my OH!! Also how will I be able to cope financially?? the list goes on...
I don't know what to do, I am pulling my hair out at the thought of constantly being on edge and once my baby is here being called out or having people nit pick on how I am doing as a parent!
I am not confrontational at all, and hate all that. I am just guessing I needed to rant and wanted not to drip feed any information!
Is it just me or is she being weird?!
She's being a dick. But it very much sounds like jealousy!
She is being weird. She is probably very competitive and/ or jealous and oh so very superior. It is none of their business.
Terrible way to treat you.
Of course Boone would think they were copying if they had a baby or no young couple would be able to have children.
I would say to OH that you are a bit worried about SIL as she seems very unhappy and see what he says. Mention to OH that you is makes you uncomfortable and ask his advice. He knows her and he is in the situation.
As a parent everyone and their neighbour judges you. You need to find your inner tiger Mummy and protect your family.
I suspect your DP has been using his brother as a sounding board and said some negative things about your relationship and his concerns.
If he's now 100% behind being with you and having a baby together, he needs to make that clear to his brother and to SIL.
Your OH is the problem here..........who the fuck sends his pregnant gf details of abortion clinics on the say-so of his brother?!!!!
Your bf needs to man the fuck up and take his head out of his brothers arse!
It's obvious the brother and his gf want to be the 'first' like it's some sort of flipping competition
Now you've seen their true colours - i hope you nip that 'we're so close' bollocks in the bud.......nobody who is genuinely close and cares about each other would behave like this.......
As for people nit picking and calling you out, that goes with the territory of being a parent so get used to it - everyone always thinks their way of parenting is 'better' than someone elses.
It sounds like she is maybe jealous? Maybe she would love to have a baby now but your OH's brother isn't keen or maybe they have been trying.
Apartment living is great with a baby cause everything is on the one level. Don't let that worry you. Loads of people do it.
I think you should focus on you and your baby and try to keep being pleasant to her and ignore her nonsense. It says more about her than you and your situation. Congratulations and good luck.
Yes, as others have said, its obv that this behaviour is over the fact that its not her that's pregnant. They do sound dodgy, I would be keeping my distance from the pair of them !
I would want to be sure that my OH is actually on board and is being loyal, a casual but meaningful chat about loyalty to you and the baby is very very important. Esp where is brother is concerned.
SIL sounds jealous and unhappy. I would avoid them until she can be normal, and if she can't be normal then I wouldn't see her very often.
This is your first baby and a special time for you, don't let anyone spoil it.
It sounds to be like she's had an abortion(s), and might now be regretting it.
I have no advice for SIL other than to stand up to her and tell her that her comments are hurtful. In regards to living in a flat with a baby - we lived in a one bed flat when we had our DS and stayed until he was nearly 2 Apart from getting up/down stairs I loved it as it's all one level. I felt safer living in a smaller place with my baby and didn't even contemplate moving for a good year or so. Everyone will judge you no matter what you do, either take it on the chin or set them straight
I raised my son in a 2 bedroom apartment for the first 5 years of his life - we now have a house, much more room, and nobody living below us and he still says he misses the old apartment!! Children just need love and support. They don't need massive homes. And they're not as expensive as you might think, especially if you are able/wish to breastfeed.
Your housing is not the issue. Your OH and his brother are. Babies are often terrifying concepts for men (us too, but I think we bond quicker) but it's so unfair of them to bully you towards an irreversible action you don't want to take. No advice to you, except that you need to make your wishes crystal clear and seek support from your health care workers if you're not receiving enough at home. Perhaps join an antenatal group? I do hope things are better for you when little one is here in the flesh, as I do think they seem theoretical to men before then. Eurgh.
Best of luck to you, and congratulations!!
I agree it sounds like she’s had an abortion. A friend of mine did very similar - had 3 abortions back to back with a guy who she later married and then really struggled when her sil got pregnant. But that’s not your problem. Just ignore her. If she makes a snidey comment in public put her down harshly in front of everyone.
You need to make sure your OH is a team with you - what you’ be said so far raises a few red flags. If he was any sort of partner, he’d be knocking this shit from his family on the head.
Oh, and she’s not your SiL. Partly because no-one concerned is married, but also because she’ your OH’s DB’s partner, not OH’s sister. This may sound pedantic, but frankly she is too far removed from you that you should have to bother with her.
The reason for SIL sniping you from the rooftops could be that she has been pressing her OH to get a bigger place to live where they can be together and bring up the baby she is longing for. You have rained buckets on her parade, I'm afraid, but at least she has shown you what she is.
Congratulations on your Pregnancy FirstMumtoBe
I would ignore the behaviour of others around you and focus on the positives of you and your OH's relationship and your pregnancy..
Huh? What's wrong with a bed apartment for a family with 1 child? That's plenty of room for everybody.
So BIL and SIL want you to terminate so they would be able to have a child first? That's just bizarre.
I’ve had numerous conversations with my OH regarding how he’s feeling and everything, he admitted at first he had his reservations, he’d always wanted a family but thought his chance had passed. I do understand where he’s coming from as there is an age gap between us both.
I have just distanced myself, but it’s very annoying how I’m the one feeling bad! I will have another word with OH, he has been amazing throughout since we made the decision and has said he’s looking forward to it all, it’ll be a big change for the both of us!! And we’re happy with how we’re going to do things anyway!
Sprogletsmuvva I just used SIL as I thought it would be easier to get the jist of who's who...
Never make major life decisions under the influence of what other people want. It's sounds like SIL may have been pressured to have an abortion by her partner and sees you having a baby in similar circumstances and it is causing emotional turmoil for her and BIL.
Ignore their pressure and opinions if you don't agree and you don't need to be confrontational to stand up for yourself. If anyone tries to manipulate you resist and understand this is about them not you.
Update - they have announced they're having a baby too - what a coincidence ! and I cannot help but not feel happy for them. They're 12 weeks gone, so about 10 weeks between us.
Ah! You Little Old Thunder Stealer You!
At least you and your OH now know what all the sourness was about!
Your best next step is to pretend none of that ever happened and
stalk offer to do all the new mum shopping, investigate ante natal classes together, arrange a Baby Name Book coffee date
Don’t forget to “steal” the name they want too
Join the discussion
Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Get started »
Please login first.