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Friend smells.. wwyd?

(109 Posts)
Jamylollypop88 Mon 21-Aug-17 16:03:38

i have to get advice on how to tell my friend please.i don't want to be mean or sounds mean or upset her how but how on earth do you talk to someone about their personal hygiene? This has always been a issue on my part il admit because I'm the one with the issue but I have to talk her. She's never been much of a bather will happily go days with out washing and yes openly admits this. I'm not the only one who has noticed.
Right .. few weeks ago we went for a few drinks together after a few i popped to the loo and she followed me in and popped in cubicle next to me, she called me into the cubicle to zip her dress back up and omg I nearly vomited!
This sounds so mean but I had to hold my breath! 100percent no word of a lie! The smell of what can only be described as fish (old fish)was horrendous I can't even explain!
I got out side the bar and I vomited every where with the smell still in my nose sad I don't have any sensitivity to bad smells but it was unlike anything I have ever smelt. I need to tell her sad what the hell do I say?? WWUD? Repeat thread as may get better advice on here.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 21-Aug-17 16:09:45

I would tell her you have something really sensitive to talk to her about, and although you don't want to hurt her feelings, you need to tell her. Then tell her as nicely as possible how bad she smells and that the reason you're so concerned is that other people have mentioned it, too.

This is no doubt a tough conversation but I know I would tell her. I don't know how you can stand to be around her.

SerfTerf Mon 21-Aug-17 16:11:24

Gosh someone's busy today.

Jamylollypop88 Mon 21-Aug-17 16:11:33

Sounds awful!
But I find it difficult it's harder when she's wearing a skirt there's a lingering smell of gone off milk oh god sounds disgusting but I can't explain it

Jamylollypop88 Mon 21-Aug-17 16:12:19

Would a text be better ? But I nice one or face to face? Face to face might hurt her feelings more ? Oh I dunno

PennyTentiary Mon 21-Aug-17 16:30:43

Why two identical threads? Just be honest. "Look, we're good enough friends that I hope we can be totally honest with each other about anything and I'd rather it be me who tells you than a stranger or colleague. I know you say you will go days without washing but on more than one occasion I have noticed an unpleasant smell. You might not notice it though so please don't feel embarrassed. You might just want to make sure you do have a wash each day".

CaoNiMartacus Mon 21-Aug-17 16:31:47

You pull her aside and say, "Oi, mate. Yer minge stinks of a fish market. Now sling yer hook (lol) and get washed."

hmm

ArgyMargy Mon 21-Aug-17 16:32:06

Show her one of the eleventy million MN threads about how not showering every hour makes you a totally disgusting person.

LoyaltyAndLobster Mon 21-Aug-17 16:34:49

Well just tell her in the nicest way possible, I'm sure she'll thank you for it.

Hillingdon Mon 21-Aug-17 16:36:22

Rather like the grossly overweight man who slopped down beside me coming back from the US. He asked to put up the arm rest because he said he was uncomfortable! He then a couple of times tried to smell his armpits and gave a little smile afterwards as though to say 'all ok' I don't smell!

Well you do, it was disgusting and vile

flickertee Mon 21-Aug-17 19:27:49

Maybe she has BV... gets worse the more imperial leather you use to wash your foof grin

Jedimum1 Mon 21-Aug-17 19:36:20

If you are prepared to say who has commented, tell her that a few people have commented and you've also noticed. Say that you thought she might need to go to GP and check because this kind of smell is usually related to infections and her nose might have got used to it and she doesn't notice. Don't tell her about the showering, the GP will tell her about hygiene (I suspect? Or not?).

mummmy2017 Mon 21-Aug-17 19:42:00

No she won't thank you for it.
I am also a bit worried as you said fish odour, in which case read up on it, as it;s not she isn't washing it's an illness.

MrJohnsonAteMyCustard Mon 21-Aug-17 19:43:45

flickertee - what's that about Imperial Leather?? I sometimes use that! Is my fanjo going to smell of fish now?? What's up with that particular soap? shock

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 21-Aug-17 19:44:26

I think you need to tell her. If it were me. I'd want to know.
Obviously it goes without saying you have to approach it sensitively.
Aside from the fact it could be something medical so not her fault.
You can't just say to someone you stink.
And another obvious. Tell her in private. Don't blurt it out in front of a group of people

Viserion Mon 21-Aug-17 19:46:11

Could she have trimethylaminuria?
Maybe she says she doesn't wash as an excuse because she doesn't realise what it is going on?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/trimethylaminuria/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 21-Aug-17 19:48:45

If she's a friend just tell her.

Sometimes being a friend means doing these things. You can't have all the good parts of friendships the nights out and the phone calls or road trips or sports sessions or whatever without havjng to dry her tears or tell her the truth about something.

Like you can't have the companionship and joy of a pet dog without having to pick up it's shit.

It's far worse long term to leave her open to ridicule or unkindness than it is to just tell her

OfficerVanHalen Mon 21-Aug-17 19:52:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flickertee Mon 21-Aug-17 19:59:36

MrJohnstone I just used imperial leather as an example of a strong scented shower gel that shouldn't go anywhere near your fanjo... !
Same applies to Dove/Palmolive/Pears/anything really??

OhTheRoses Mon 21-Aug-17 20:04:51

How about you say something like "I noticed when I helped you with your dress and looked up the symptoms. I don't want to upset you but you are my friend and I want to support you. Have you ever sought or had any medical advice? Shall we sort this out together before anybody else notices?

Fluffypinkpyjamas Mon 21-Aug-17 20:06:17

She's never been much of a bather will happily go days with out washing and yes openly admits this

Grim. I would be happy to tell her, you stink and you know why. It is foul and she needs to be told. Why would she happy to smell?

ilovesooty Mon 21-Aug-17 20:10:29

You went outside to vomit? Did your friend not ask you if you were OK?

Pantryboy Mon 21-Aug-17 20:17:08

You have to be very light hearted and say to her what is that awful fin smell and sniff your armpits and say nah it isnt me , it must be you missy get in the fin shower now and wash yer fandango you reek! Do it in a very funny way .She won't take offence if you do it right. Have done this before and it worked honestly , Good luck OP

GetOutOfMYGarden Mon 21-Aug-17 20:20:01

If she's a friend you need to take her aside and tell her in privately. Same way you'd let her know if she'd got her skirt caught in her knickers at the back or if she'd had a nip slip.

WhereDoesThisRoadGo Mon 21-Aug-17 20:38:23

I just threw up in my mouth a bit. sad

In all seriousness, there is no excuse for not bathing. Plenty of people have medical issues and manage it. You need to speak to her. Body odour will create so many barriers to her - relationships, jobs, friends, exercise partners, good customer service... The list goes on. She may initially be upset with you, but it will do her good in the long run.

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