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AIBU?

To want a shag?

58 replies

Cackleberry4 · 28/05/2017 19:37

I am in a warm, loving, affectionate and sexless marriage.

I cannot recall the last time we DTD, three plus years at least.

He doesn't even wake up with morning glory any longer! I am not overly desperate for sex but I am mildly concerned that he isn't even starting the day standing to attention.

I've tried talking to him but he brushes it to oneside.

I simply don't know how to get him to find out where his sex drive has gone!

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 28/05/2017 19:53

I've been single 7 years, haven't had a shag for 6.5 years. Prior to that I was in a sexless relationship which I eventually left.

I'm​ now 43. I've had sex three times in the last 12 years. I'm thinking I might never have sex again. Makes me sad.

ShastaBeast · 28/05/2017 19:54

YANBU but if he won't talk you can't resolve the issue. Does he know how you feel? Three years is a long time. Is it linked to his age? How was it beforehand?

FanaticalFox · 28/05/2017 19:56

LTB. if he won't even address the issue then hes obviously not that bothered about your feelings.

missyB1 · 28/05/2017 20:00

You need to make him aware how this is affecting you and therefore how it will affect the relationship. He can't keep pretending it's not an issue- and neither can you.
I would be asking him to come to counselling with you.

Cackleberry4 · 28/05/2017 20:03

Fuck off Fox!!

Oh, Shatner that isn't good. We are happy in every other way but sex has slippped out of sight.

OP posts:
Run4Fun · 28/05/2017 20:04

Encourage him to go to see his GP. It is a very common complaint that sometimes can be resolved if the underlying problem is discovered. Ltb would be a last resort if all else fails imo.

Run4Fun · 28/05/2017 20:06

X post with Op. Glad you sent Fox's suggestion to the bin!

FanaticalFox · 28/05/2017 20:24

Hmm strong reactions! Sorry but after this long with no proactive response from him to address the issue i probably would leave but then maybe I have a high sex drive so sex in my marriage is very important to me. Its obviously not as important to you as your reaction suggests (and the length of time you've gone without and you're still happily married) good luck to you hope you get it sorted to whatever outcome you're looking for.

Crunchymum · 28/05/2017 20:26

Is LTB really that offensive to you OP?

Your DH doesn't want sex, won't discuss it (and therefore I assume won't seek any help), he doesn't seem to appreciate or care how much of a problem this is for you.

LTB wouldn't be my default suggestion, but you do need to draw your battle lines. What if sex is never on the cards again?

scaryclown · 28/05/2017 20:29

That's shit, and unsustainable. Do you initiate? Do you watch porn together/talk about porn? What else is going on?

mylittlephoney · 28/05/2017 20:32

Could he have a problem getting it up? Maybe he's embarrassed and can't talk. Don't LTB what a sweeping generalization. You work at a marriage untill all avenues are crossed before you give up.
It's probably medical. Sorry your going through this. I hope you get some answers soon.

ColossalKalamari · 28/05/2017 20:35

If you're not happy and he won't even discuss his unwillingness to sort it out then I wouldn't stay with him

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/05/2017 20:35

I'm with Fox. I'm sorry but I couldn't live without sex. Especially if he doesn't care.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/05/2017 20:36

Your reply was a bit harsh to Fox.
If you don't like possible replies. Will the greatest respect. Perhaps don't start a thread. If you're that sensitive.
Of course you're not being unreasonable to want a shag. I'll hold my hands I couldn't stay in a sexless relationship. However I can't tell you to LTB. I'll get growled at. Hmm

Funnyonion17 · 28/05/2017 20:45

Yanbu for wanting a decent sex life. Yabu assuming morning wood is daily for men!

ShowMePotatoSalad · 28/05/2017 20:49

Your reply to Fox was really unkind. You're asking for advice - you don't have to like or agree with all the advice given but there's absolutely no need to be abusive.

Tillymintsmama · 28/05/2017 20:49

Can't offer advice on your relationship issues. But if sex is what you're after I can.... Go to a swingers club. Very liberating.

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/05/2017 20:50

fox's comments may have been extreme but there is some truth in them.

It's ok to not want sex and it's ok to want sex It's not ok to not care about eachothers feelings and talk about things and be so u caring about the effect it's having on the other person .

He should go to the Dr it's possible there's a problem.

BTG3385 · 28/05/2017 20:52

Men don't wake up with a hard on every day!

It isn't normal though but like many couples you are probably better friends than lovers. Once the spark goes it's hard to get it back

PeaFaceMcgee · 28/05/2017 20:53

A relationship isn't healthy if you can't discuss your problems. He needs to see his GP. Something simple like zinc supplements can help.

sexcauldron · 28/05/2017 20:55

I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds the "LTB" response really annoying.

The rest of Fox's reply was fair though.

givemethecake · 28/05/2017 20:57

Fucking hell, don't start a thread if you can't take other opinions. Didn't see anything wrong with Fox comment. They were just addressing that maybe, he doesn't care. Which is looking quite high if he can't even talk to you about anything.

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Anothernewnn · 28/05/2017 21:04

No need to take your sexual frustration out on fox

ShakingAndShocked · 28/05/2017 21:10

Fox's LTB was clearly driven not by lack of sex per se but by fact he won't talk to you - latter clearly suggesting he's not that fussed how you feel. That would be a massive issue for me but if it's not for you then heh, fill or otherwise your boots!

Sole practical input from me is is he on medication of any kind? SSRIs specifically can cause a total loss of interest in sex.

And no, YANBU for wanting a shag! Tho YABVVVU to post on a forum and then be abusive to someone who says something you don't like. HTH Smile

Cackleberry4 · 28/05/2017 21:12

Some really odd responses. I think it is best I walk awy.

OP posts:
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