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To want a shag?

(55 Posts)
Cackleberry4 Sun 28-May-17 19:37:15

I am in a warm, loving, affectionate and sexless marriage.

I cannot recall the last time we DTD, three plus years at least.

He doesn't even wake up with morning glory any longer! I am not overly desperate for sex but I am mildly concerned that he isn't even starting the day standing to attention.

I've tried talking to him but he brushes it to oneside.

I simply don't know how to get him to find out where his sex drive has gone!

ShatnersWig Sun 28-May-17 19:53:20

I've been single 7 years, haven't had a shag for 6.5 years. Prior to that I was in a sexless relationship which I eventually left.

I'm​ now 43. I've had sex three times in the last 12 years. I'm thinking I might never have sex again. Makes me sad.

ShastaBeast Sun 28-May-17 19:54:19

YANBU but if he won't talk you can't resolve the issue. Does he know how you feel? Three years is a long time. Is it linked to his age? How was it beforehand?

FanaticalFox Sun 28-May-17 19:56:01

LTB. if he won't even address the issue then hes obviously not that bothered about your feelings.

missyB1 Sun 28-May-17 20:00:42

You need to make him aware how this is affecting you and therefore how it will affect the relationship. He can't keep pretending it's not an issue- and neither can you.
I would be asking him to come to counselling with you.

Cackleberry4 Sun 28-May-17 20:03:42

Fuck off Fox!!

Oh, Shatner that isn't good. We are happy in every other way but sex has slippped out of sight.

Run4Fun Sun 28-May-17 20:04:14

Encourage him to go to see his GP. It is a very common complaint that sometimes can be resolved if the underlying problem is discovered. Ltb would be a last resort if all else fails imo.

Run4Fun Sun 28-May-17 20:06:16

X post with Op. Glad you sent Fox's suggestion to the bin!

FanaticalFox Sun 28-May-17 20:24:19

hmm strong reactions! Sorry but after this long with no proactive response from him to address the issue i probably would leave but then maybe I have a high sex drive so sex in my marriage is very important to me. Its obviously not as important to you as your reaction suggests (and the length of time you've gone without and you're still happily married) good luck to you hope you get it sorted to whatever outcome you're looking for.

Crunchymum Sun 28-May-17 20:26:36

Is LTB really that offensive to you OP?

Your DH doesn't want sex, won't discuss it (and therefore I assume won't seek any help), he doesn't seem to appreciate or care how much of a problem this is for you.

LTB wouldn't be my default suggestion, but you do need to draw your battle lines. What if sex is never on the cards again?

scaryclown Sun 28-May-17 20:29:39

That's shit, and unsustainable. Do you initiate? Do you watch porn together/talk about porn? What else is going on?

mylittlephoney Sun 28-May-17 20:32:45

Could he have a problem getting it up? Maybe he's embarrassed and can't talk. Don't LTB what a sweeping generalization. You work at a marriage untill all avenues are crossed before you give up.
It's probably medical. Sorry your going through this. I hope you get some answers soon.

ColossalKalamari Sun 28-May-17 20:35:45

If you're not happy and he won't even discuss his unwillingness to sort it out then I wouldn't stay with him

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 28-May-17 20:35:58

I'm with Fox. I'm sorry but I couldn't live without sex. Especially if he doesn't care.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 28-May-17 20:36:46

Your reply was a bit harsh to Fox.
If you don't like possible replies. Will the greatest respect. Perhaps don't start a thread. If you're that sensitive.
Of course you're not being unreasonable to want a shag. I'll hold my hands I couldn't stay in a sexless relationship. However I can't tell you to LTB. I'll get growled at. hmm

Funnyonion17 Sun 28-May-17 20:45:55

Yanbu for wanting a decent sex life. Yabu assuming morning wood is daily for men!

ShowMePotatoSalad Sun 28-May-17 20:49:03

Your reply to Fox was really unkind. You're asking for advice - you don't have to like or agree with all the advice given but there's absolutely no need to be abusive.

Tillymintsmama Sun 28-May-17 20:49:09

Can't offer advice on your relationship issues. But if sex is what you're after I can.... Go to a swingers club. Very liberating.

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 28-May-17 20:50:04

fox's comments may have been extreme but there is some truth in them.

It's ok to not want sex and it's ok to want sex It's not ok to not care about eachothers feelings and talk about things and be so u caring about the effect it's having on the other person .

He should go to the Dr it's possible there's a problem.

BTG3385 Sun 28-May-17 20:52:16

Men don't wake up with a hard on every day!

It isn't normal though but like many couples you are probably better friends than lovers. Once the spark goes it's hard to get it back

PeaFaceMcgee Sun 28-May-17 20:53:39

A relationship isn't healthy if you can't discuss your problems. He needs to see his GP. Something simple like zinc supplements can help.

sexcauldron Sun 28-May-17 20:55:17

I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds the "LTB" response really annoying.

The rest of Fox's reply was fair though.

givemethecake Sun 28-May-17 20:57:08

Fucking hell, don't start a thread if you can't take other opinions. Didn't see anything wrong with Fox comment. They were just addressing that maybe, he doesn't care. Which is looking quite high if he can't even talk to you about anything.

Anothernewnn Sun 28-May-17 21:04:44

No need to take your sexual frustration out on fox

ShakingAndShocked Sun 28-May-17 21:10:26

Fox's LTB was clearly driven not by lack of sex per se but by fact he won't talk to you - latter clearly suggesting he's not that fussed how you feel. That would be a massive issue for me but if it's not for you then heh, fill or otherwise your boots!

Sole practical input from me is is he on medication of any kind? SSRIs specifically can cause a total loss of interest in sex.

And no, YANBU for wanting a shag! Tho YABVVVU to post on a forum and then be abusive to someone who says something you don't like. HTH smile

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