to not want to split the cost for the DC to see their deadbeat dad!!

[donners312]

I am flabbergasted that after going to court today the judge suggested that i may have to contribute towards the cost of my dc seeing their deadbeat dad.

He refuses to work so he doesn't have to and never has paid maintenance.

he has chosen to live 6 hours away from them despite having no job or house where he is living (presuming he is the cocklodger to his latest victim) and now the court my rule that as a single mum on minimum wage i may have to contribute towards him coming to visit them - just unbelievable, this country has gone mad!!

Let the court know that having to contribute to the cost of travel will have a detrimental affect on your DCs as it will leave you short on the necessities - food/bills etc (which it will if you're a single parent on NMW). Take in bank statements to back it up. Hopefully the judge will see sense and make it your exs sole responsibility (as it should be seeing as how you're solely responsible for feeding and clothing the dc you made together).

I'm fuming on your behalf - the shit some deadbeat fathers get away with is unreal.

Given that parliament is going to be dissolved on the 3rd of May i really don't think there is much point in contacting your MP. your existing MP will be too busy campaigning - you are better of waiting till after the election if that is the route that you want to take.

Good old MRAs. They've succeeded in making life really difficult for so many women.

thanks for the messages of support i really appreciate them!

what are MRA?

Men's rights activists. The utter clowns.

Family court is an absolute joke, I've been told that I have to allow my 1 year old ds 'grandmother' to have access to him even though she is emotionally abusive, has had social services involved several times whilst raising her own children as she is unstable and has severally messed up her own children, chased me down the road screaming abuse at me whilst pregnant and telling to me to keep my mouth shut and put up with it after finding out her scumbag of a son was physically abusing me at 8 months pregnant on top of a lot of other things. They couldn't care less about what is best for the child or the parents opinion on what is best for the child that they know nothing about other than what is on a peice of paper in front of them that they probably didn't even bother to read

If you are able to I would recommend seeing a solicitor but I wouldn't put to much hope on them as the judge would not even let my solicitor open her mouth

I know that is the thing - my solicitor is very good and helps me for free but she said they make the most insane decisions and you can't predict what they will do.

MRA - yep bunch of dead beat Dads looking for attention!

I've been prevented from seeing my DS as the court has said that even although I've no money after being unemployed for 18ths I must still pay 25k maintenance, 16k school fees and that the costs of contact, which is another 20k, cannot be taken into account. The otherside has some 600k in her bank account...... and refuses to help in anyway in maintaining the father/son relationship....

they obviously have reason to believe you have access to money despite being unemployed.

what are you living off if you are unemployed?

25k maintenance? Does that include arrears?

Nope the arrears are on top of that, I have only debts now, sold off all my assets and now looking to sell my house. Living hand to mouth.... but court has given me 12 months to find the money and they appear to give not one jot to the father/son relationship.

Did you name change after posting?
Well why should the mother of your son have all the financial responsibility? What have you done to encourage a father/son relationship?

yes I did, something better than the numeric user name... my understanding of the law is that financial responsibility is a shared matter, based on the parties joint resources.... if i might turn the question around why should one parent assume all the costs of contact?

(i think its pretty unfair to assume deadbeatdadism as staring point btw...)

Start your own thread

lol

".... if i might turn the question around why should one parent assume all the costs of contact?

(i think its pretty unfair to assume deadbeatdadism as staring point btw...)"

So, @TPOD74, how would you define a father who saw his children only twice last year, and has never paid a penny in maintenance? Father of the year?

And why should one parent - the OP - assume all the costs of raising the children?

So what you're saying then TP is that your situation is exactly nothing like the OP of this thread but you just had to comment anyway?

I call bullshit on your numbers. Sounds like your play of quitting your job backfired on you.

So I was only permitted to see my kids once in the last 18mths although I have paid maintenance and school fees. The problem being the cost of contact.

My situation is a different as the cost of contact is around 20k pa however my point is that the cost of contact is a factor in both the CMS and private arrangements.

& Tazerface, go get a hug....

I notice you haven't answered either of my questions, @TPOD74. I can't imagine why...

I wouldn't presume to pass judgement on anyone I didn't know and I think that I already made the point that the costs of raising a child should be shared, which is a self evident fact. My point was that contact costs should not be left out of the equation, there is a provision for this under the CMS as a special variation and case law supports this in private arrangements. Why all the hate?

You will NEVER get a fair hearing on here as a dad, TP, because, as you said, the starting point is always that all dads are deadbeat dads.
I have a good relationship with the father of my son, but my husband went though what you are going through in the early 2000s, so I do sympathise.
I thought the courts were fairer now to both sides, but certainly when my husband was going through the courts, mum called all the shots and could manipulate things with impunity. My DH paid maintenance throughout, by the way and the problems started when he stopped paying voluntary spousal maintenance when the youngest started school.
Anyway, this thread is not about this, so I'll leave it there. I just wanted to let you know that I do understand what you are talking about, but you have picked the wrong forum I think!

I understand completely but in order to be a better father I'm hoping that the more I try and understand the better I will be..... I live in France and have many 'continental' friends and the UK court system is quite the most self serving, backward system you could imagine...

How can it possibly cost £20k pa to visit your children once? even if you live in Australia you can get flights to the UK for about £1000. So even visiting for 2 weeks and allowing for a reasoanble nice hotel (£100 per night) you would only be at 2.5k. Even double that so you can treat the kids, well thats still only 5k.

20K pa to get from France to the UK. I assume you have heard of Easyjet and Ryanair?

so fair question. I get half the holidays and alternate weekends. I'm prevented from bringing DS back to France where I live so that's 16 weekends a year, flights from Geneva to London and hotels in London. Naturally these are commuter flights at the weekend, 64 flight legs (2 people, 16 weekends) at an average of 150 GBP per flight and 150 GBP per night in a hotel). Half term and the main school holidays are a further 60 flights a year (should be less but she insists that I come to London, pick him up and return the same day, which is an 18hr round trip and three flight legs, even although he is old enough for UM travel she won;t have it), so its 124 flights a year, 16 weekends in a hotel in London, use 150 per leg and that 18.6k and 2.4k for hotels. Not included in this are costs of activities, food, taxis, etc., etc... when I was working this was affordable but now that I'm unemployed this means that I can't see my son....