To be a bit irritated by my friend?

[cattypussclaw]

So... have this friend. Met her about three years ago when she had one child. She's since had a second baby.

[cattypussclaw]

Posted too soon. Haven't finished.

[TheWantedOne]

Holding!
this had better be good

[cattypussclaw]

She doesn't have much to do with her family (from a distant part of the UK, broken family, constant rows, some physical abuse) so, because I'm a SAHM, I've helped her out with childcare, and also donated to her a huge amount of clothes, toys and even furniture for her two kids (both younger than mine). Don't mind, glad stuff is going to a good home. For context, she works and so does her husband, both earning reasonably and not struggling any more than most.

Yesterday she announced on Facebook that she was upgrading her phone and did anyone want her old one. I said I might like to buy it for my daughter as her (third hand) phone is on its last legs. I checked what these phones were going for and offered her a fair amount. There was a silence for a while and then she came back to me and said someone (a stranger, not another friend) had offered her £10 more and did I want to up my offer?

I'm now vaguely miffed. All the things I've done for her, given her, bought her... and she's going to cut me out of the deal for a tenner? Really?

AIBU to wonder if £10 is really more important than cutting a (generous) friend a bit of slack?

I could say something but can't be arsed to have a row about it, I don't need the phone that badly.

It's not like she owes me anything but... don't know, it leaves a nasty taste

[cattypussclaw]

Sorry TheWantedOne, probably not worth the wait...

[HouseworkIsASin10]

They are taking the piss, both are working.

Don't give them anything again. Find somebody more deserving.

[cattypussclaw]

Well that's the thing, Housework. Next time I have a bag of clothes, or some toys, or whatever, I won't necessarily feel so inclined to give them to her...

[cattypussclaw]

And it is only a tenner (unless A. N. Other) ups their offer again. Just wondered whether I was overreacting or whether it was understandable to be a bit miffed.

[Ginkypig]

I'd be miffed although I wouldn't say to her I'd just not buy the phone but it would change how I feel she sees the friendship I think.

As a result I probably would not give her my old stuff anymore, I wouldn't babysit or feel like I'd want to go out of my way for her anymore.

[FetchezLaVache]

No, entirely understandable to be a bit miffed. Only a tenner, whatever, but it's symptomatic of a wider lack of generosity and reciprocity, given that the things you've given her and the childcare have saved her vastly more than that over the years. Just shows she's a bit of a Net Taker and therefore really not your kind of person after all.

[Sweets101]

I'd be miffed. Can you say, 'oh ok after all the stuff i've passed on to you over the years i'd have thought you'd cut me some slack on £10. Thanks for the offer but i don't fancy getting into a bidding war.'
Or is that too blunt?

[Bluntness100]

Wow. That's a bit grabby. Saying sorry someone else offered first and I agreed is fine, but to try to start a bidding war amongst your friends for a few quid isn't nice.

[mouldycheesefan]

She's a taker.
Do t give her anything in future she clearly does not appreciate it.

[PicardsCombOver]

Id be gutted if this were my 'friend' Op Drop the bitch and don't give her anymore freebies. Don't you dare give her another tenner.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Symptomatic of a lack of generosity of spirit, I think. Either that or she is extremely skint and every penny matters (or she thinks she is/it does).

[FlyWaxSleepRepeat]

"Givers" need to set limits, because "takers" don't have any.

YANBU to feel miffed. She'd be getting nothing from me in future unless it suited me entirely to give it to her.

[DJBaggySmalls]

I'd be miffed and that would be the last favour I did for them.

[StayAChild]

If that was a friend of mine, asking for the greedy extra tenner would cost her dearly in future. I wouldn't fall out with her, but I wouldn't give her a single thing in future. Just take it to the charity shop.

[Babbaganush]

I would be miffed too, I wouldn't up my offer and the charity shop would be getting outgrown clothes from now on.

[LagunaBubbles]

YANBU. I would be upset to and no way would I give her anything else. Everyone deals with different things but I would have to say something.

[OhSuckItUpDucky]

£10 is a lot of money to me
id probably text what Sweets said

[cattypussclaw]

Exactly Ginky, I thought she valued my friendship and maybe she does, but only for what she can get out of it.

That's the word Fetchez, thank you. I was hoping for a bit of reciprocity.

Too blunt Sweets, although I'd love to say it. But she comes from a family that seem to either be in each other's pockets or fighting like alley cats, there's no "half way" with them. She'd go off the deep end and I can't be bothered with it.

[ChasedByBees]

YANBU and i think you should raise it with her.

[GrumpyOldBag]

Are you sure she really wanted/appreciated the things you gave her though OP?

I had a neighbour with older DC who used to view me as a closer alternative to the charity shop & ended up giving me loads of stuff her children had grown out of or didn't use any more. She'd just leave it on the doorstep.

I'm sure she thought she was doing me a favour, but I ended up taking most of it to the charity shop myself as we didn't want or need it. It was a PITA frankly.

[cattypussclaw]

Wow, can't keep up with the replies, thanks to all of you.

I think I'll just leave it but will be keeping a distance in future and old kids stuff will be going to the charity shop.

Thanks ladies.

[Bushymuffmum]

Maybe now you realise why all her family have cut her off (she's a nasty, grabbing cow)!