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To be a bit irritated by my friend?

(136 Posts)
cattypussclaw Fri 20-Jan-17 11:17:29

So... have this friend. Met her about three years ago when she had one child. She's since had a second baby.

cattypussclaw Fri 20-Jan-17 11:18:24

Posted too soon. Haven't finished. <please hold>

TheWantedOne Fri 20-Jan-17 11:26:55

this had better be good

cattypussclaw Fri 20-Jan-17 11:29:18

She doesn't have much to do with her family (from a distant part of the UK, broken family, constant rows, some physical abuse) so, because I'm a SAHM, I've helped her out with childcare, and also donated to her a huge amount of clothes, toys and even furniture for her two kids (both younger than mine). Don't mind, glad stuff is going to a good home. For context, she works and so does her husband, both earning reasonably and not struggling any more than most.

Yesterday she announced on Facebook that she was upgrading her phone and did anyone want her old one. I said I might like to buy it for my daughter as her (third hand) phone is on its last legs. I checked what these phones were going for and offered her a fair amount. There was a silence for a while and then she came back to me and said someone (a stranger, not another friend) had offered her £10 more and did I want to up my offer?

I'm now vaguely miffed. All the things I've done for her, given her, bought her... and she's going to cut me out of the deal for a tenner? Really?

AIBU to wonder if £10 is really more important than cutting a (generous) friend a bit of slack?

I could say something but can't be arsed to have a row about it, I don't need the phone that badly.

It's not like she owes me anything but... don't know, it leaves a nasty taste sad

cattypussclaw Fri 20-Jan-17 11:29:59

Sorry TheWantedOne, probably not worth the wait...

HouseworkIsASin10 Fri 20-Jan-17 11:31:07

They are taking the piss, both are working.

Don't give them anything again. Find somebody more deserving.

cattypussclaw Fri 20-Jan-17 11:35:25

Well that's the thing, Housework. Next time I have a bag of clothes, or some toys, or whatever, I won't necessarily feel so inclined to give them to her...

cattypussclaw Fri 20-Jan-17 11:38:54

And it is only a tenner (unless A. N. Other) ups their offer again. Just wondered whether I was overreacting or whether it was understandable to be a bit miffed.

Ginkypig Fri 20-Jan-17 11:42:38

I'd be miffed although I wouldn't say to her I'd just not buy the phone but it would change how I feel she sees the friendship I think.

As a result I probably would not give her my old stuff anymore, I wouldn't babysit or feel like I'd want to go out of my way for her anymore.

FetchezLaVache Fri 20-Jan-17 11:44:32

No, entirely understandable to be a bit miffed. Only a tenner, whatever, but it's symptomatic of a wider lack of generosity and reciprocity, given that the things you've given her and the childcare have saved her vastly more than that over the years. Just shows she's a bit of a Net Taker and therefore really not your kind of person after all.

Sweets101 Fri 20-Jan-17 11:46:17

I'd be miffed. Can you say, 'oh ok after all the stuff i've passed on to you over the years i'd have thought you'd cut me some slack on £10. Thanks for the offer but i don't fancy getting into a bidding war.'
Or is that too blunt?

Bluntness100 Fri 20-Jan-17 11:46:33

Wow. That's a bit grabby. Saying sorry someone else offered first and I agreed is fine, but to try to start a bidding war amongst your friends for a few quid isn't nice.

mouldycheesefan Fri 20-Jan-17 11:47:08

She's a taker.
Do t give her anything in future she clearly does not appreciate it.

PicardsCombOver Fri 20-Jan-17 11:47:27

angry Id be gutted if this were my 'friend' Op Drop the bitch and don't give her anymore freebies. Don't you dare give her another tenner.

LaContessaDiPlump Fri 20-Jan-17 11:47:46

Symptomatic of a lack of generosity of spirit, I think. Either that or she is extremely skint and every penny matters (or she thinks she is/it does).

FlyWaxSleepRepeat Fri 20-Jan-17 11:47:59

"Givers" need to set limits, because "takers" don't have any.

YANBU to feel miffed. She'd be getting nothing from me in future unless it suited me entirely to give it to her.

DJBaggySmalls Fri 20-Jan-17 11:48:00

I'd be miffed and that would be the last favour I did for them.

StayAChild Fri 20-Jan-17 11:48:22

If that was a friend of mine, asking for the greedy extra tenner would cost her dearly in future. I wouldn't fall out with her, but I wouldn't give her a single thing in future. Just take it to the charity shop. hmm

Babbaganush Fri 20-Jan-17 11:48:51

I would be miffed too, I wouldn't up my offer and the charity shop would be getting outgrown clothes from now on.

LagunaBubbles Fri 20-Jan-17 11:51:14

YANBU. I would be upset to and no way would I give her anything else. Everyone deals with different things but I would have to say something.

OhSuckItUpDucky Fri 20-Jan-17 11:51:53

£10 is a lot of money to me
id probably text what Sweets said

cattypussclaw Fri 20-Jan-17 11:54:13

Exactly Ginky, I thought she valued my friendship and maybe she does, but only for what she can get out of it.

That's the word Fetchez, thank you. I was hoping for a bit of reciprocity.

Too blunt Sweets, although I'd love to say it. But she comes from a family that seem to either be in each other's pockets or fighting like alley cats, there's no "half way" with them. She'd go off the deep end and I can't be bothered with it.

ChasedByBees Fri 20-Jan-17 11:54:45

YANBU and i think you should raise it with her.

GrumpyOldBag Fri 20-Jan-17 11:55:51

Are you sure she really wanted/appreciated the things you gave her though OP?

I had a neighbour with older DC who used to view me as a closer alternative to the charity shop & ended up giving me loads of stuff her children had grown out of or didn't use any more. She'd just leave it on the doorstep.

I'm sure she thought she was doing me a favour, but I ended up taking most of it to the charity shop myself as we didn't want or need it. It was a PITA frankly.

cattypussclaw Fri 20-Jan-17 11:56:00

Wow, can't keep up with the replies, thanks to all of you.

I think I'll just leave it but will be keeping a distance in future and old kids stuff will be going to the charity shop.

Thanks ladies.

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