Advanced search be upset that DP shares custody of his teddy bear with his ex?

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BearProblems Wed 07-Dec-16 17:12:23

DP and I have been together 2 and a half years. We live together and have a DC. A few months before we got together, DP had split with his ex, who he'd been with for over a decade. Their split was amicable but they've hardly had any contact since. She seems to be a perfectly nice person. They have no DCs.

When DP moved in, over a year ago, his ex came to my house to collect Bear who was going "on holiday" with her. DP hadn't warned me this was happening, and I was just expecting her to drop some of DP's stuff off. DP did the handing over but it was all unbearably awkward. DP hadn't told her that he was moving in with me (we have known each other vaguely for years) so she couldn't have been expecting the new girlfriend to be a witness to this nonsense. He didn't tell her because he was hardly in touch with her and was (like a total coward) hoping someone else would tell her so he wouldn't have to. Anyway, I thought that was the end of it and she would be too embarrassed to ask for Bear again.

Today DP and I went out for a nice lunch together and, over the pudding, he mentioned, very awkwardly, that he was going out this evening... taking Bear, who is off on his Christmas holidays. He will drop Bear off with ex before meeting friends to play darts. He'll be gone a couple of hours in all.

I am 100% certain there is nothing going on with DP and his ex (or anyone else for that matter) but this has made me feel incredibly weird and uncomfortable and actually a bit insecure.

He made this arrangement with his ex and didn't tell me until a few hours before the arranged drop off. I know full well the reason he didn't tell me was because he was embarrassed about it (and rightly so!) but still, it seems disloyal to arrange things with an ex and not tell me.

And then there's the fact that it's so fucking weird! I can see, when she asked if she could have Bear for Christmas, he felt he couldn't object without seeming mean and petty or making me out to be some suspicious psycho (he knows I wasn't totally happy about the last time). He's a bit of a coward who hates conflict but also a kind man who doesn't want to hurt anyone unnecessarily.

I don't know what bothers me about it so much. I had been planning to get Bear a Christmas stocking - lucky I'm not sufficiently organised to have done anything about it yet. (I think this sort of stupid infantilism about DP's bear is fine within the confines of a romantic relationship but outside of one, it's just a bit creepy).

Sorry this is so long. It's so bloody ludicrous it was hardly worth writing let alone reading!

OP’s posts: |
Ahickiefromkinickie Wed 07-Dec-16 17:14:33


ZoFloMoFo Wed 07-Dec-16 17:14:36

You're taking the piss, right? grin

PaulAnkaTheDog Wed 07-Dec-16 17:15:03

I would be more.concerned about a grown man's attachment to a fucking teddy bear. Why hasn't he just told her to keep it?

jacrispy Wed 07-Dec-16 17:15:08

Wtf! A bear? A teddy bear? I'm confused confused

IrregularCommentary Wed 07-Dec-16 17:15:11

I don't even know where to begin with this one. Wtf.

Why do they have a shared bear?

In fact, no. Nothing would make this less weird. He needs to just give her the bear...

WouldHave Wed 07-Dec-16 17:15:53

Um, whut??? A grown man sharing custody of a teddy bear??? Tell him to give her the sodding bear and get his own if he seriously wants one.

PotteringAlong Wed 07-Dec-16 17:16:02


Just....... what?

ZoFloMoFo Wed 07-Dec-16 17:16:06

If you're not taking the piss you need to dump this loser and start dating grown ups. confused

sillygoof Wed 07-Dec-16 17:16:21

This is one of the weirdest things I've read on here.

CaptainMarvelDanvers Wed 07-Dec-16 17:16:40

Is this the plot to Ted?(I've never seen it)

FrancisCrawford Wed 07-Dec-16 17:16:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChocolateButton15 Wed 07-Dec-16 17:16:43

This is really weird. He needs to just give her the bear and end the madness!

fruitbats Wed 07-Dec-16 17:16:49

Oh no confused

SharingMichelle Wed 07-Dec-16 17:16:59

... is... is it a real bear op?

Nooneyouwilleverknow Wed 07-Dec-16 17:17:07


FannyWisdom Wed 07-Dec-16 17:17:10

Soubriquet Wed 07-Dec-16 17:17:12

You what?

Are you dating a 6 year old?

giraffesCantReachTheirToes Wed 07-Dec-16 17:17:41

Can she not just keep the bear? My ex and I had matching otter cuddly toys with tags with a wee message. And we'd sometimes put them beside each other as a couple. But I'd never phone him up now and say that the otters need a date so can we meet?

53rdAndBird Wed 07-Dec-16 17:17:45

You were going to buy the bear a stocking? No! Resist! Don't be drawn in to the madness!

SnowBallsAreHere Wed 07-Dec-16 17:17:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

giraffesCantReachTheirToes Wed 07-Dec-16 17:17:59

In fact I might for a laugh.

ScarlettO89 Wed 07-Dec-16 17:18:00

... what?! You had a child with an adult who has a teddy bear that he treats like his baby? .... is he on glue?!

Wherehasmydevilcomefrom Wed 07-Dec-16 17:18:12

WTF. Seriously? It's a teddy. confused

ScarlettO89 Wed 07-Dec-16 17:18:23

Hahaha SnowBalls

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