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To make my mother spend Christmas Day on her own?

(88 Posts)
steppinstone Sun 16-Oct-16 22:16:52

My mother is hard work. Doesn't really have any friends as she falls out with everyone. My siblings don't want to spend Christmas with her.

We have my DC every other Christmas as I'm divorced. On the Christmases we've not had the DC we haven't really celebrated, just stayed in bed and watched films. It feels a bit sad without the children, although we have a nice quiet time.

The years we have the children, we do have my mum for Christmas Day.

The years we don't, I don't want to have to 'put on' Christmas just for her. We have her on Boxing Day when the DC are here and we have 'our'christmas day.

AIBU? I feel slightly bad for making her spend the day alone. But I know I will dread Christmas if we had to spend it with her I her own.

wheresthel1ght Sun 16-Oct-16 22:19:23

Not at all! I do everything possible not to spend it with mine

Catsize Sun 16-Oct-16 22:23:33

I think you need to explain more about your mum. Christmas is a time when we drop the 'Me, Me, Me' and do things for others usually. How will your mum feel on her own? Will you genuinely feel okay about her spending it alone? What's the back story with the siblings?

YouTheCat Sun 16-Oct-16 22:23:36

It's not like you're excluding her. You're just celebrating on a different day.

It seems like the perfect plan.

NauseousKitty Sun 16-Oct-16 22:25:31

God no! You're doing more than your siblings do. Cut yourself some slack and enjoy/wallow on Christmas Day.

steppinstone Sun 16-Oct-16 22:26:29

She is very narcissistic. This is why she is such hard work. I am not very fond of her.

She has behaved badly (narcissistically!) with siblings. She has other relatives too but none that really like her unfortunately.

tigerdriverII Sun 16-Oct-16 22:26:39

Do what you want want to do. Don't run around accommodating other people!

YippeeTeenager Sun 16-Oct-16 22:30:00

Yes, YABU, it's one day, just one day, when we should all do our best to be kind and show a bit of love to others. I don't think you'd have posted if you thought it was really OK. If it's really that bad having her undiluted, could you go out to lunch to break it up a bit? Or invite siblings round too so it's not just you bearing the weight of it?

ImperialBlether Sun 16-Oct-16 22:30:56

I'd leave her to her own devices, personally, but I'm concerned that every other year you don't do anything nice for Christmas. You can have a lazy day without just staying in bed all day - it sounds a bit depressing, really. Can you think of other things you could do?

caitlinohara Sun 16-Oct-16 22:33:37

Spending time with people you don't like and being stressed about it: it's the true spirit of Christmas! YABU.

mydietstartsmonday Sun 16-Oct-16 22:33:43

She is your mother. The only one you have. How does she feel to be left alone on Christmas Day, very sad all round really.

MitzyLeFrouf Sun 16-Oct-16 22:37:03

You're giving her Christmas Day just on the 26th instead. No need to feel guilty.

I agree with Imperial though, your own Christmas Day sounds so joyless. Why cancel Christmas day for yourself just because your kids aren't there?

Onthecouchagain Sun 16-Oct-16 22:38:26

It's your mum and it Christmas.

Don't be be a selfish heartless twonk. Try to extend some Christmas spirit.

mellowfartfulness Sun 16-Oct-16 22:38:36

I don't see my mum on Christmas Day every year. Last year we didn't just because we had a new baby and were exhausted. Lots of people have to alternate Christmases with their partner's family and what have you - it's normal not to spend the day itself with your own parent(s) every single year. So long as you're seeing her at some point, it's fine. She might feel fed up on her own but then by the sound of it she'd have more people around her if she behaved better - it's not your job to be her entire social circle.

Flisspaps Sun 16-Oct-16 22:42:10

I don't se why you should have to be nice to someone - anyone - who isn't pleasant to you just because they happen to be related to you.

Even at Christmas.

You're not forcing her to be alone, there are consequences to being a narc which is why your siblings don't have her for Christmas. If she wasn't unpleasant, she'd have options open to her.

Birdandsparrow Sun 16-Oct-16 22:45:58

Oh give over people with the she's your mum, you've only got one mum crap. Some mothers are horrible and this one certainly sounds it.

dowhatnow Sun 16-Oct-16 22:46:17

You are having her for Christmas, it's just your Christmas Day happens to be on the 26th when the kids are there. Don't feel guilty.

user1476140278 Sun 16-Oct-16 22:46:28

In your shoes I"d be having my Mum for a nice grown up Christmas. You don't have to "Put on" Christmas. Just have a nice lunch and chocolates and watch the Christmas tv.

Why stay in bed? It seems very miserable and selfish.

Catsize Sun 16-Oct-16 22:49:27

I wonder what her background is to make her like that.

willowcatkin111 Sun 16-Oct-16 22:51:29

Your siblings won't have her so why should you? My mother is like this and my brother won't have her for Christmas so we have ended up having her for the last 10 years or so. This year I am too unwell to even consider it. She is being told we are going away for Christmas (we may well do) and will have to sort herself out or maybe my brother will take her in but this year my health comes first.

girlandboy Sun 16-Oct-16 22:51:31

She is your mother. The only one you have. How does she feel to be left alone on Christmas Day, very sad all round really

I have a mother too. And there is no way on God's Green Earth that I'll be seeing mine at Christmas. We're not all blessed with lovely mothers you know! And yes, I know she's the only one I have but that is no reason to pander any more to her nastiness and narcissistic behaviour.

OP, YANU to not see your mum on Christmas day. If she's anything like mine (and she sounds like it) then she's only got herself to blame for being alone.

YeOldMa Sun 16-Oct-16 22:53:26

After years of having my Mum to Xmas with her criticising everything I did and stabbing me in the back the moment it was turned I made a decision to never have her again on Christmas day. I have open house on Boxing Day with all the kids and their families so she is welcome to join us then. Quite frankly, it was the best thing I've ever done for me and my family. She hints about an invite to Christmas lunch and still moans on Boxing Day but I can shrug that off knowing that I will not have to face her ruining Christmas Day with my core family. As far as I am concerned she reaps what she sows. I put up with her the rest of the year round and do my penance.

DixieWishbone Sun 16-Oct-16 22:59:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ratspeaker Sun 16-Oct-16 23:00:48

Whyshoud you put on Christmas for her.
Would she do the same for you?


hmcAsWas Sun 16-Oct-16 23:06:54

Can't you come to a compromise and have her over for a few hours in the evening? (assuming that she lives locally)

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