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I *think* FIL let himself into our house

(114 Posts)
Doublemint Thu 13-Oct-16 13:44:10

Came home to find the kitchen bin up against the dishwasher, which I thought was odd but dismissed it thinking it might have been the toddler or dog.

Made lunch for me and DCs then nipped into the downstairs bathroom for a wee.

The bathroom is a total mess. There's a bucket on top of a bag of clean washing the free standing set of drawers are in the middle of the floor, kids toys also on the floor.

All the above stuff is usually in a full height door less cupboard where the loo used to be. So I look in there and there's a new double plug socket for where we want to move the washing machine to.

I was fairly freaked out until I saw this but when I did I realised it must have been my FIL who said about a month/6 weeks ago he would pop in and do it. He has done our bathroom as a present to us. Which is unbelievably generous.

When he said about coming round to do it I wanted to make sure I was in as I'm just not comfortable with someone being in my house when I'm not there. He said it would be a Monday. A Monday for sure. I said great just text me or ring when you're leaving so I know which Monday it will be.

Today is a Thursday, no text, phonecall to me or DH (I rang him and checked), no note to say he had been here, nothing. I wouldn't mind the mess if there had been a note saying "sorry I was in a mad rush between jobs so had to leave it in a state" or just something to show a bit of respect and courtesy.

He also claimed he had lost our key we gave him when we first moved here until the above conversation where he said he would just let himself in (I guess he had magically found it by this point?!) I countered that (I thought!) by settling a day (Monday's) and agreeing he would contact me prior to coming round.

AIBU to be a little pissed off at him letting himself in with no notice at all? I am grateful he's done the work although one of my jobs for next week was to get someone in to do it because we have had NC from him this whole time since he was last here and said he would fit the plug socket.

I feel this was quite cheeky of him and as I'm alone in the house with the DCs the majority of the time I was a little freaked out until I saw he had done the work he had volunteered to do.

SatansLittleHelper2 Thu 13-Oct-16 13:46:21

Cheeky ?? He was doing you a favour !!

Doublemint Thu 13-Oct-16 13:47:49

Yes but the last time he did us a favour he took something in for repair and we haven't seen it since!

ImperialBlether Thu 13-Oct-16 13:48:17

How well do you get on with him? I would rather pay the bill than have someone I didn't like in my house, particularly if they had their own key.

Giratina Thu 13-Oct-16 13:48:18

Well he should have let you know before he just let himself in but as he's doing you a favour I'd let it go.

Sierra259 Thu 13-Oct-16 13:49:26


What satan said

Mozfan1 Thu 13-Oct-16 13:49:38

He did the work he promised he would do, admittedly on the wrong day. I'm assuming you thought he would let himself in if it was a Monday has he had originally said if you weren't there. He's done you a massive favour, be thankful. Let it go. What a great FIL!

Mozfan1 Thu 13-Oct-16 13:50:23

as he originally said*

Doublemint Thu 13-Oct-16 13:50:58

I'm going to let it go I think. It just got me all riled up!

We get along ok. He's quite hard to read and it does feel like I generate all the conversation. He doesn't have very good social skills and does do quite rude things unthinkingly. Which is why I was very explicit when we arranged this, and he still ignored me!

Doublemint Thu 13-Oct-16 13:51:50

Just to clarify he said it would be any Monday a month or so ago, not like last week or anything. I thought he had forgotten and was about to arrange to pay someone to do it

Mozfan1 Thu 13-Oct-16 13:51:56

Yes but the last time he did us a favour he took something in for repair and we haven't seen it since!

You didn't say that in the original op

AmeliaJack Thu 13-Oct-16 13:53:21


In my family it is inconceivable that you would let yourself into someone else's home without permission so I was completely shocked when my PILs did it at our house.

Thankfully my DH was on the same page and strong words were had.

I never understand why MN thinks that doing someone a favour allows you to overset all sorts of normal boundaries? It takes 30 secs to write a text.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Thu 13-Oct-16 13:54:38

I would annoyed if anyone let themselves into my house and left a mess without even a text to let me know. It feels like an invasion.

I wouldn't kick off or anything but I would ask him to let you know next time as it's disconcerting to come home and know someone has been there while you've been out.

Doublemint Thu 13-Oct-16 13:54:54

Yes I know I didn't want to drip feed, I had another thread about it. He basically took something of DHs to get valued (as a favour, after being told by me not to pay for anything if it needed repair) then tried to give it to DBIL, it's all very complicated and basically the item is now lost to DH.

I'm trying to keep that incident separate but it does explain my reluctance to have him here without me or DH around.

AvDemeisen Thu 13-Oct-16 13:56:26

It sounds like you're uncomfortable that he has access to the house. But, yes, he has done you a favour with the plug so possibly just say thank you and don't mention the keys, and get the locks changed. If it's ever brought up in the future then you could always say the key was sticking/broke off etc, no big deal.

Mozfan1 Thu 13-Oct-16 13:58:15

doublemint I remember your thread about that yes. Hmmmm. I wou do let this go this time, as long as your in laws don't have form for just walking into your house whenever they want with no particular reason.

Mozfan1 Thu 13-Oct-16 13:58:47

*would, sorry

jazzypants101 Thu 13-Oct-16 13:59:59

Oh is this the watch, OP.

If it is then I dont think you get along that great with your fil do you, So Yeah Id be a bit pissed off that someone had let himself in and and left a mess without so much as a text, id also be asking for the key back off him.

Mil tried this stunt, suddenly losing the spare key but id go to work and come home and cleaning would have taken place, things moved etc, clean knickers put away etc. Dp said he would have a word but it continued to happen. Sounds lovely but it freaked me out. I had the front door locks changed and it never happened again.

SuperFlyHigh Thu 13-Oct-16 14:00:09

OP- Yes I recall that thread too!

I'd do same as Mozfan says - let it go this once. get your keys back off him if he has them now though!

Doublemint Thu 13-Oct-16 14:00:20

To be honest I think this is the first time he's let himself in (I hope and assume judging no by the state of the bathroom I think I'd have noticed before!) but he often turns up unannounced but I've been on mat leave so I've been in those times.

freaking out this might not be the first time

kaitlinktm Thu 13-Oct-16 14:01:50

I think I remember your thread about the other item.

I would feel inclined to thank him and not make a fuss for now but to make sure he doesn't have any further access to your house - can you change the locks?

Do you or your DH have keys to his house?

maddiemookins16mum Thu 13-Oct-16 14:02:18

He is doing you a favour BUT it's only fair to let you know, I'd hate someone to just come into our house (because no doubt I'd have undies drying on the bathroom rail or have left the place untidy etc).

Doublemint Thu 13-Oct-16 14:02:19

It is indeed jazzypants!

I think it's lock changing time at Casa Doublemint!

Pickled0nions Thu 13-Oct-16 14:02:56

Get changing ya locks!

Doublemint Thu 13-Oct-16 14:04:04

No we don't have keys to his, id feel very uncomfortable letting myself in to his house!

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