...to insiat that certain parents accompany their badly behaved children at my sons party

(138 Posts)
caroloro Mon 12-Sep-16 20:19:45

So. Last year my son had a whole class party (film and popcorn in a village hall) and two boys in particular caused utter mayhem. I had to move them to a different part of the hall in the end. Now, if I invite them this year, I want to make it clear that I want a parent with them. I can't ignore 20 kids to deal with the behaviour of two. Does this seem unreasonable? Also, how would I put it? Due to the behaviour of your son at my sons party last year, if he's coming this year, I need you or another adult there to take responsibility for managing him? Seems a bit rude! These boys rarely get invited anywhere, bless them, so I don't want to exclude them, but honestly, they're veryvery difficult!

MooPointCowsOpinion Mon 12-Sep-16 20:22:22

Just don't invite them. My daughter knows I won't have naughty kids at her parties, little buggers shouldn't be allowed to ruin it for everyone else.

SN kids not included in the ban of course.

ConvincingLiar Mon 12-Sep-16 20:22:24

Write "boy's name + parent" on the invitation. Write a note saying that after last year you're unable to manage 22 children alone so you're only able to host such a big party if parents are able to stay. Ask your best parent friends if they will stay too. That's my best suggestion.

How old are these kids? Can't you just have all parents there?

ConvincingLiar Mon 12-Sep-16 20:23:12

Trouble is how do you know who does/doesn't have special needs? It's not like children wear badges.

hettie Mon 12-Sep-16 20:26:42

The risk you run is that parents have no control/wish to control days children and that they mess about and you're not able to intervene at all...

caroloro Mon 12-Sep-16 20:29:38

Last year they were 8 turning 9, this year they will be 9 turning 10, so it wouldn't be normal for all parents to be there. One of the boys I feel really sorry for
He's the sort of boy that is always in his normal uniform on dress up day, rarely invited to parties, doesn't come in with swimming kit on swimming days etc. It's a small school, 22 is the entire year group, it would be really mean not to invite them. The alternative is to have a small party, but my sobs really sociable and likes to have them all. But thanks, it seems that I'm not being unreasonable.

SolomanDaisy Mon 12-Sep-16 20:30:19

I love that magical ability to differentiate between sn and naughtiness, as though every parent would explain their child's sn to you.

OP, I'm sure the parents would be happy to come in return for the boys being invited. Just ask them.

bumsexatthebingo Mon 12-Sep-16 20:31:22

While I sympathise with your predicament a note in the invitation is never going to go down well. I would either have a smaller do (inviting half or less so not just leaving 2 out) or rope in as many adult helpers as you can from your friends/family to help on the day.
IME if the child has SN or the parents would be any use disciplining them you wouldn't need to ask as they would attend anyway knowing that their child is a handful and would need extra support. Getting reluctant dump and run parents to stay will likely just result in you being more frustrated as they tell them for the 10th time not to do something as the child completely ignores them and they do nothing about it.

Lunar1 Mon 12-Sep-16 20:32:38

Have you a couple of extra adults that can be there to help with them.

CombineBananaFister Mon 12-Sep-16 20:34:44

You are being very kind and not at all UR but at the expense of your son being able to have a chilled out undisrupted birthday, it's a toughy but I would fear what Hettie said may happen sad based on past experience, myself

WipsGlitter Mon 12-Sep-16 20:36:30

I'd just have a smaller party. Or give them a stern talking to in front of their parents at drop off.

TheWitTank Mon 12-Sep-16 20:37:25

Firstly, don't be afraid to give them a bloody good telling off or as a last resort, phone the parents to pick up if they cause mayhem. No need to be "nasty" about their child -you just say 'hi, so and so doesn't seem to be enjoying the party activity, please could you collect him?'. What have you got planned this year? Is it a film again? Or something more active?

lalalalyra Mon 12-Sep-16 20:37:47

Have you seen them with their parents? If they are normally badly behaved then I wouldn't assume having the parent there would help - it could make the situation worse because you might feel unable to say anything to the child if their parent is sat there. I'd rope in a few adults you know and trust to help you manage the party instead.

MrsJayy Mon 12-Sep-16 20:38:42

Oh I wouldn't single the boys out either do a smaller friends only party or get contact details and phone parents to come and collect them

Shurelyshomemistake Mon 12-Sep-16 20:39:28

Sounds like you need an entertainer scary mofo in charge. I dont think it would be nice to exclude the (by the sounds of it) the disadvantaged kid. But.... god, am at a loss.... I know a REALLY good but firm part entertainer if you're in SE and your son likes animals :D

Enidblyton1 Mon 12-Sep-16 20:43:08

What kind of party is it this year? I can see children could be disruptive during a film where they have to sit still for over an hour - some children just can't do that. If it's a more active party will they still be as disruptive?
I think it's great that you're going to invite the whole class and not exclude anyone. I would just rope in a couple of extra adults (family?) to help you, rather than the parents of the disruptive children.

Iggly Mon 12-Sep-16 20:43:21

why dont you tell them off? I am assuming that they would actually listen to you.

Failing that, they might be well behaved this year....

MooPointCowsOpinion Mon 12-Sep-16 20:45:11

i feel sorry for the disadvantaged lad.

Kids like that, they need clear boundaries. If you do invite him, be sure to take him aside and tell I'm exactly what you expect and what he is not allowed to do. Send him home early if he breaks the rules you lay out, after a warning.

JeSuisUnChocoholic Mon 12-Sep-16 20:51:17

I always make the parents come to parties. If it's not a soft play party, no room etc I only invite DC's closest friends.

Salutarychoring Mon 12-Sep-16 20:51:58

In my experience, having had years of class parties, there are always one or two children who misbehave, or who don't want to participate for some reason. I never liked excluding one or two dc, so always got extra helpers in monitor/help those dc individually. It's the only way when you are occupied running activities, and you always need extra bodies around when the dc are arriving \leaving anyway.

Salutarychoring Mon 12-Sep-16 20:55:41

Btw extra helpers needn't be expensive - can be older responsible teens

Kanga59 Mon 12-Sep-16 20:56:48

Ask parents to note down their mobile number at the point they drop Thor children off. So you can phone in case of any problems. And just call these parents up if you're struggling, asking them to come help

user1473537716 Mon 12-Sep-16 20:58:06

Just don't invite them.

10 is old enough to realise that if you're a wee bam, no one will want to invite you nice places.

Or if there's SN, 10 years of parenting should be enough to know whether or not your child needs supervision.

AliceInUnderpants Mon 12-Sep-16 20:58:52

I can see children could be disruptive during a film where they have to sit still for over an hour - some children just can't do that.

Exactly what I was thinking. It doesn't sound like much of a 'party'

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