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AIBU to do a 'no presents please' party?

(118 Posts)
inlovewithhubby Tue 28-Jun-16 13:54:20

Desperately trying to distract myself from Brexit with party planning.

Daughter's 5th bday party in early September. Party is for pre school friends, other friends and some new school friends she doesn't know as well and who aren't 'friends' yet but who will be in her new class - I thought including those kids in her class who live locally and whose parents we know would be a good start to school.

Would I be unreasonable to ask people (apart from her bezzy mates) not to bring gifts? It will be big - 25 to 30 including some siblings - and that many presents would be far far too much. And how would I word it without appearing chippy or accidentally assuming gift giving in the first place?!

We always did no present parties til eldest started school. It worked really well with our friends. Now all her classmates share parties and usually ask invitees to bring one gift per party to share out. That works well too but again we know these people and have similar views on massive present hauls. This time though I'll potentially be asking people I don't know as well and don't want to appear rude/weird/chippy because of Brexit. Would love your advice.

Katedotness1963 Tue 28-Jun-16 14:00:25

I don't think you can allow some to bring gifts but tell others not to... I'd feel awful if I turned up empty handed and was followed up the path by someone carrying a gift.

Atlas15 Tue 28-Jun-16 14:03:03

You could donate any unwanted gifts to a women's refuge, a charity shop or regift them at a later date.
Some people might put cash in a card aswell especially if they don't know you as it's less personal so Idoubt you will get that many presents

mouldycheesefan Tue 28-Jun-16 14:04:00

I think you should allow presents.

mmgirish Tue 28-Jun-16 14:04:26

I did a no presents party for my son's first birthday. I suggested a charity donation instead. People brought gifts anyway as that was their choice. I learned that people always want to make their own choices with things like this.

Farandole Tue 28-Jun-16 14:05:28

It's fine as long as same rule for all.

I have a suspicion that people will do as they want anyway. We're having a 'no presents' party today, I will be back to report!🙂

NickyEds Tue 28-Jun-16 14:05:41

I don't think you can word it without the assumption that there would be presents, at least not without sounding clunky, 'we know people sometimes like to bring a gift but please don't' just sounds rubbish. I'd just save yourself a headache and let people bring what they like, I don't think people spend very much at this age do they?

Millionprammiles Tue 28-Jun-16 14:05:56

I tried this for dd's 4th birthday as the party was for her whole nursery class (as come Sept they'll go to different schools).
I specifically said to the parents (other than a few parents I know well) to only bring a card and no need for a gift, just thrilled they can make it etc. It wasn't an expensive party at all.

They all bought gifts. It took dd a week to open them all and some she already has so have been shelved un-used to be re-gifted.

But noone took offence and in fact it turned out to be a nice 'farewell' to parents I've often seen at the nursery but not chatted properly to before. Its also resulted in a flurry of return invites (so I'll be tactfully re-gifting...).

OhNoNotMyBaby Tue 28-Jun-16 14:07:01

In what way would you appear rude/chippy because of Brexit? I'm trying to understand exactly what relevance this has to your child's party?

Yes, you can say 'no presents'. It's your party. As long as DD gets something from someone, otherwise it won't be much of a party for her. Children expect presents.

Notso Tue 28-Jun-16 14:21:07

I think that as a host it is rude to mention gifts. If guests ask it's fair enough to ask for no gifts or whatever but you should wait to be asked.

Lymmmummy Tue 28-Jun-16 14:24:28

I think better option let them bring gifts but donate any other than ones your DD loves to say a Christmas appeal or any other kids charities if your daughter is happy with this or re gift them throughout the many parties in the year to come!!

Ime children do like to get presents at parties especially for birthdays and do like to think oh my friend X bought me y type thing and kids like to buy for other kids - also parents/children may feel uncomfortable turning up without a present. Finally some children's birthday party may be their only "big" oppurtunuty to get presents all year (say if they are lacking large families or whatever) and some parents may not like to set a precedent that their own kids party should also be one without presents etc

Everyone is different😀

Would just let them bring gifts and think through a sensible way to deal with the presents that you are comfortable with .

Micah Tue 28-Jun-16 14:28:56

I also dont get why brexit is relevant?

My kids loved picking and giving presents, just as much as recieving. It's all part of the party excitement turning up with your gift.

So i'd say yabu. However i wouldn't be upset if you regifted or returned- i do try to buy from m&s etc so it can be done easily.

Aeroflotgirl Tue 28-Jun-16 14:30:18

Yabvvu, people will probably bring presents anyway.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 28-Jun-16 14:35:41

We do Toonie parties here in Canada. Each child brings two bucks, one for charity of the birthday girl's choice, one for the birthday girl to put towards a larger present. No one breaks the bank and there aren't piles of shite to get rid of.

SheHasAWildHeart Tue 28-Jun-16 15:25:22

Keep and re-gift or give to charity. I wouldn't do what you have suggested above as it'll make an issue out of something that need not be an issue.

Millionprammiles Tue 28-Jun-16 15:29:31

MrsTerry - immensely sensible.

Most children are bombarded with immense amounts of crap they neither want nor need. Credit to the OP for trying to act sensibly rather than folow the herd.

Whenever I've taken dd 'shopping' for toys she's glazed over and become fed up of it all very quickly and I wonder what I'm trying to teach her. (She loves writing/making/decorating birthday cards though).

KoalaDownUnder Tue 28-Jun-16 15:29:47

I agree with Notso.

I wouldn't say anything.

LucyBabs Tue 28-Jun-16 15:36:40

This is the norm in my dds school.
On the invite the parent will say " No gift is expected but if you would like to give a 5 euro donation towards to a trip to Smyth's toy shop that would be fine "
I haven't come across anyone who has had an issue with it. Cuts out the unwanted gifts, the pressure present buying sometimes puts on the parents and most will contribute to the toy shop fund so the birthday child is happy smile

trufflehunterthebadger Tue 28-Jun-16 15:47:38

I think it would be really mean not to allow a child to have as many presents as possible at a party.

And just because you think a gift is plastic, shitty tat, doesn't mean your child won't love it.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 28-Jun-16 15:49:08

It would go further than being unreasonable. It would be down right mean and deeply unfair. Not only to your DD, but also to the fellow children, who you're planning on telling not to bring a present
That's all part of the fun. Choosing a present for your friends party and for the birthday child receiving the present.
It would have been different had you said.
Would it be unreasonable to request a no presents party and ask them to give the money to charity instead. As DD will have loads of presents from family members ect.,

Pinkheart5915 Tue 28-Jun-16 15:52:01

You can if you want but might be awkward if some children are allowed to bring gifts.

I'd feel odd not giving a present

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 28-Jun-16 15:52:05

*Plastic shitty and tat*. Might be all some parents can afford. Don't be ungrateful. What exactly are you expecting them to rock up with. The crown jewels. hmm.

RortyCrankle Tue 28-Jun-16 15:55:16

It sounds a bit mean. Your DD may be thrilled to be showered with 'tat'

Joolsy Tue 28-Jun-16 16:00:11

This is the reason I've never done whole class parties. Getting 30 presents, alot of which she would never use, is very wasteful. But I just wouldn't know how to word it without sounding presumptious. Maybe it just needs a handful of mums to do this then it will take off and everyone will be doing it - no more presents!!

LucyBabs Tue 28-Jun-16 16:05:50

Am I invisible confused

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