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AIBU?

AIBU, DH colleague at work

145 replies

Freakingin · 16/08/2015 18:11

NC - sorry just read back over this and it is so long. so thanks for reading it.

My DH has a potential major confidential career change coming up, he doesn't want even a whisper to get out about it, so we have only told two close friends about his plans.

Today he told me that X colleague (woman at work) has given him a suggestion about this situation. I was furious that he told someone in work and also that he told her, he says he trusts her and that she is a friend.

Anyway, we get into a huge argument about it, she is a junior colleague and I just don't get that he is so close to her that he could tell her this very specific information. I told him that I don't and never will approve of that kind of friendship with a female work colleague, He says that I cannot dictate who he is friends with, that I am unreasonable and that the problem is ME, because I have an unjustified issue with this woman.

The fact is, I do have an issue with this 'friendship', about 3 years ago there was an office party, which was loads of fun, DH and I left at the end of the night to go home, other people ended up going to a party. We were at home in bed, DH drunk and out cold, and about 4am his phone pings with a text message from X, asking him where he is, nothing inappropriate, just 'where are you, are you coming?'

I thought it was utterly inappropriate, 4 am, we are home, how could she feel that she could text him at all. Next day I tell DH about the text and that I thought it was inappropriate that she could feel free to text him in the middle of the night, what kind of work relationship did they have that this was okay to her. Anyway, he defended it, telling me I was making a big thing out of nothing, wasn't inappropriate at all, they are friends, blah blah blah.

DH is senior to her by very many levels. When I was working there is no way I would have even considered texting one of the senior exec's outside of working hours. let alone in the middle of the night. I will never be convinced that I was unreasonable to be mightly pissed off.

Over the past few years, I realise they talk to each other about personal stuff, i.e. one of our kids are sick and he says X gave me the name of this Dr. to consult. X and her DH are buying a business and he looked over the business plan for her. He praises how well she does her job and that she should be promoted etc etc. The hackles on my neck raise whenever she is mentioned, but for the most part I don't say anything. Although there was another blow up about something I felt was inappropriate (can't for the life of me remember now what it was !) on many levels.

Today when I blew up, I said something about them both having lunch together alone (I just threw it in there, didn't have a clue if he lunched with her alone or not) and he said ' I have probably only had lunch alone with her on two occasions, the rest of the time we have been with colleagues '. Well fuck me then !

At the end of the day, I don't think they are having an affair, but I really believe he confides in her and she confides in him.

There was a point in the past few years where our relationship was really rocky, he was going out 3 or 4 nights a week, business meals or out with mates to 'blow off steam'. Business meals which he would not get home from until 2 or 3 am. (I would be invited, but can't leave the kids with a babysitter every night of the week ! ).

He said I was being unreasonable and distrusting, that I was always welcome to come along but I didn't want to, although I would go sometimes, I was really close to leaving him at that time point, it was pretty ugly in our relationship during that period, but we managed to pull back from the brink and things have been going well. She probably knows all about that time too, ugh !

If you have read to this point, am I being unreasonable to detest that he has this friendship with this woman? AIBU to view this as a closer than normal work colleague relationship? I am beginning to wonder now if he had a fling with her, or if he fancies her and would if given the opportunity (although I would hope he would not blow his career for an office fling)

I am away at the moment, so we had the argument on the phone and he has not called back, probably gone out to drown his sorrows.

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SoleBizzzz · 16/08/2015 18:18

Maybe the text was delayed from getting through as they are on New Years Eve for example? I feel you are being unreasonable and jealous. You do not have the right to dictate who he is friends with.