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to cancel attending a wedding where our dietery needs can't be met

(135 Posts)

My two year old DD has an anaphylactic reaction to nuts, so we have a nut free household and she and I avoid nuts. We were invited to a family wedding months ago which is now a couple of weeks away. We RSVP'd with dietery requirements months ago as requested. This week, the bride has heard from the caterers that they can't provide safe food for my daughter and I, so we have been asked to bring our own. I'm a bit stumped on how to do this as we are staying in a hotel a long way from home, won't have access to a kitchen, refridgeration etc, and will be going from the church to the meal to the reception making for a 12 hour outing in total with two meals to cover. We would need to bring lunch and dinner for me and my DD, in a format that doesn't need cooling, heating, preparing at the smart lunch table, and in my case follows the FODMAP IBS friendly diet so I'm not stuck on the loo all day the next day and unable to go home :s FODMAP diet means no lactose, gluten, onions, garlic, pulses, and avoiding certain fruits, in brief. I'm reluctant to cancel, we've bought new wedding outfits, booked a hotel, and it would be lovely to be there and see everyone, but I'm a bit stumped. I could take bananas and a bag of salad...? I'm not comfortable at big formal events at the best of times so the thought of standing out in this way is just cringingly awful to me, making me want to just hide under my duvet for a week! Should we just apologise and cancel? Seems so rude this close to the event. I'm gutted the caterers can't provide nut free food. I wasn't expecting a FODMAP friendly meal, but it's meat and veg and potato which would have been pretty fine for me.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Fri 19-Jun-15 11:10:58

Isnt it more that they cant guarantee the prep areas are nut free? Rather than the dishes?

PestoSwimissimos Fri 19-Jun-15 11:11:00

Can you leave DD with grandparents and just attend child-free?

Theycallmemellowjello Fri 19-Jun-15 11:11:22

Can't you bring a couple of ready meals in a cool bag and refrigerate them when you get to the venue? It's a shame the caterer is being rubbish but not really the couple's fault. Disappointing to have to eat rubbish food but it won't be difficult or expensive to organise.

NerrSnerr Fri 19-Jun-15 11:12:40

I second the ready meal idea.


wednesdaysocks Fri 19-Jun-15 11:12:50

Do you have family that live closer to the wedding that would allow you to use there kitchen to prepare food? Or that can provide ice packs to keep anything you bring with you cooled?

thisismy27thnamechange Fri 19-Jun-15 11:13:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Muchtoomuchtodo Fri 19-Jun-15 11:13:34

YANBU, but as you say it would be a shame to miss it.

Would the caterers reheat dishes that you'd prepared at home and kept in a cool bag?

MaxPepsi Fri 19-Jun-15 11:13:38

Surely the caterers are covering their own backs by saying they can not guarantee it will be nut free, a disclaimer of sorts?

Can you take bread and sandwich fillers?
Jkt potato and tuna?
Fruit for a fruit salad?

MonkeyPJs Fri 19-Jun-15 11:13:55


On one hand I can see why you wouldn't want to attend, but on the other hand think that it is good to be in situations where you have to manage your and DDs diets as this will be a reality for you in the future and once you manage it a couple of times it will get easier.

MrsGentlyBenevolent Fri 19-Jun-15 11:13:55

I think yabu. Unfortunately, life cannot stop for allergies, and this is a good time for your daughter (and yourself) to learn to adapt to situations where you have to self cater due to food issues. Or as another poster said, get childcare and go alone if possible.

Owllady Fri 19-Jun-15 11:14:08

Could you ask the hotel you are staying in?
I agree with the poster who says it's about not being to guarantee nut free prep areas
It sounds a pita though. I'm wheat intolerant and that causes problems, so I can only imagine how much harder it is for you.

SaucyJack Fri 19-Jun-15 11:15:01

You would be U to cancel an event you want to go to just for the sake of bringing a packed lunch. I can't believe there's nothing you can eat that can be taken cold in a picnic box.

Of course if you don't want to go, and are looking for a get-out, then go for it smile

Pootles2010 Fri 19-Jun-15 11:15:57

Right, so it's fine for you, so all the bit about FODMAP isn't the problem?

In that case I'd just pop in before Church bit to hotel or wherever with an m&s nutfree ready meal for your DD, which they can microwave and plate up? Don't see the big fuss tbh.

Pootles2010 Fri 19-Jun-15 11:17:07

I'd also ring caterers yourself - your friend isn't used to allergies so may be misunderstanding what they're telling her.

Seriouslyffs Fri 19-Jun-15 11:19:47

A guest at my wedding had my mum on the morning running around preparing food and delivering it to the venue before the service hmm
Please don't do that but do you know anyone else going who lives more locally?
Otherwise take a babybel crisps apple biscuit bag for your daughter and bananas for you and push the food around your plate. One day of crap won't kill you.

findingmyfeet12 Fri 19-Jun-15 11:19:49

I understand your issue with standing out. For me that would be a bigger concern at a very formal wedding.

The ready meal idea could work if the caterers heated them up and served them to you alongside the other guests.

If it were my wedding I'd ask one of my close family to organise food for you and your daughter as you would be my guests. Any of my siblings would be happy to do that as a favour to me and I'd do the same for them.

manicinsomniac Fri 19-Jun-15 11:20:46

I can see why it would be embarrassing but, if you want to go, then I think YABU. Some kind of packed lunch and tea will be fine as a one off - just take sandwiches (with GF bread for you).

The caterers are using nuts in their kitchen so can't guarantee that other food won't be contaminated. DD's grandparents will be at the wedding, so there is no attending without her option. There's nowhere to store food or re-heat it. I have asked the hotel we are staying at, not only can they not help, they can't provide breakfast either!! I agree this is not the fault of the couple getting married, I'm a bit surprised the caterer's can't cope with nut allergy! What if it was the bridge or groom? I guess they'd have lost the gig! I will look into Ilumi meals smile

MrsGentlyBenevolent Fri 19-Jun-15 11:24:48

For all those suggesting to use the caterers kitchen, or double check with them, I think that is also unreasonable. The daughter has a severe nut allergy, I personally wouldn't take the risk in the first place. Even if there is no trace of nuts in the actual food, you'd still have to be very, very sure there is no chance of contamination before serving it. In a huge event like a wedding, I personally would have arranged a packed lunch for my child, regardless. Perhaps I'm a bit ott in worrying though.

addictedtosugar Fri 19-Jun-15 11:25:35

Why do you need to be nut free? It sounds like your meal would be OK?
So then your down to a nut free meal for your daughter? How risky is a meat, potatoes and 2 veg meal for her? I can see deserts would be harder, but equally, easier to take?

Could you pop out for one of the meals to somewhere that will serve appropiate food? ie try to sort something for the wedding breakfast to have with everyone, but the other meal (which tends to be more snacky anyway) dissapear out of the venue for an hour?

mileend2bermondsey Fri 19-Jun-15 11:27:21

Surely this has happened before when you are going out for meals? No restaurant that I know of can gaurentee a nut free kitchen for those with extremely sensitive allergies, only that there will be no nuts in the particular dish made. For the same reason I doubt they would agree to you bringing in you own food to warm up - because it is entering a environment with nuts.

prepperpig Fri 19-Jun-15 11:27:37

Surely its not that difficult. You have said its fine for you to eat the meat potatoes and veg so you're sorted.

The only issue then is food for your DD and since she's two she's hardly going to waste away with two packed lunches. Why does she have to eat a hot meal? confused

findingmyfeet12 Fri 19-Jun-15 11:27:39

If you can't refrigerate and reheat then I guess it's fruit and biscuits etc?

ghostyslovesheep Fri 19-Jun-15 11:27:53

I doubt any caterers could declare themselves 'nut free' so it's not that surprising surely? Even major food producers can't do this!

take a freezer bag with ready made butties and go to MacDonalds for breakfast

I know it's not ideal but it's very hard to be nut free in food prep

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