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To raise concerns to SS re: family member

(110 Posts)
OldCatLady Mon 11-Aug-14 14:07:32

Changed a few details to not be recognisable. Sorry for the long post.

But background: family member 'Emma' has two children. She had her first fairly young, didn't know what she was doing, SS got involved, but family stepped in and all was fine. DS1 is disabled due to early neglect (I don't know specifically what's wrong with him but is statemented, is 7 and is more like a 3 year old). Therefore they get disability living allowance and carers allowance etc. DS2 is 3 and although not developing as he should, is not disabled, just a little slow. Neither parent works, live in council flat. You get the picture.

I have a few concerns and I'm not sure if I should report them or just keep my nose out. I know that dad hits the kids, and that they are scared of him, not as in punches or kicks them, but enough to hurt and scare them, and is verbally aggressive too. They get a lot of benefits for DS1 though none of it is being spent on him. They give a lot to Emma's mum who is also on benefits but a lot less than them. A lot seems to be spent on clothes, video games, nights out for parents. The kids are left to their own devices most of the time, no stimulation, no days out, no beneficial toys, they eat so badly (junk food 24/7), no bed times, no discipline, always wearing dirty clothes etc.

I feel so sorry for the kids but I feel like I'm being really pathetic in reporting this? What do you think?

NigellasDealer Mon 11-Aug-14 14:11:33

i would imagine that if this child is 'disabled due to neglect' then SS are already involved. no?
also how much time do yu spend with them to know so much about them?
how is the fact that they live in a council flat relevant?
if you are worried then report.

LIZS Mon 11-Aug-14 14:13:01

Do you have any first hand evidence of abuse, verbal, emotional etc or neglect . If so give them specific examples. Separate the actual (ie aggressive behaviour, poor diet, lack of clean clothes and routine) from the emotive (ie how benefits are spent). If they are already "known" to SS it may accelerate a revisit and appropriate intervention.

Rox19 Mon 11-Aug-14 14:14:06

Doesnt sound good, poor kids hmm

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 11-Aug-14 14:15:50

If what you say is true then yes report them.

How do you know that the disability was caused by neglect though? Surely they'd not tell anyone that?

Poor kids.

Nothing to do with being unemployed or in a council flat though confused

Missm00 Mon 11-Aug-14 14:18:28

As someone who has a lot of involvement from social services (young mum, been In a violent relationship with ex husband). I can say that if you have ANY CONCERNS, ring ss. It could just be the thing they need

bottlecat Mon 11-Aug-14 14:18:32

How do you know that ds1 is disabled due to early neglect? If this was the case then surely outside agencies would be involved.

You have also named somebody in your OP.

WooWooOwl Mon 11-Aug-14 14:19:58

If that is all true then those children are being neglected. That's a form of abuse and should of course be reported.

bloodyteenagers Mon 11-Aug-14 14:21:40

I am surprised that if a child has a disability as a result of neglect, that ss are not involved.

KnackeredMuchly Mon 11-Aug-14 14:22:37

Yes I would report

KnackeredMuchly Mon 11-Aug-14 14:22:38

Yes I would report

TeenAndTween Mon 11-Aug-14 14:23:52

All reports go together to build a picture.
It can take a lot to prove neglect.

somewherewest Mon 11-Aug-14 14:28:20

I would report.

You have also named somebody in your OP

I don't think the OP did. The fact 'Emma' is in commas suggests it isn't her real name. The OP did say she had changed a few details to prevent recognition.

MrsWinnibago Mon 11-Aug-14 14:28:41

You lost me at "Lives in a council flat, you get the picture."

What a stupid, judgmental thing to say. I live in a council flat. Am I "dodgy"?

Her neglect of her children is not relevant to where she lives.

RiverTam Mon 11-Aug-14 14:34:51

but it doesn't make her concerns any less valid, does it?

I would report, OP.

raffle Mon 11-Aug-14 14:35:18

Living in a council property, being unemployed and being in receipt of benefits has nothing at all to do with the situation these children are in.

If you are in any doubt of the safety and we'll being of the children, then do contact SS.

MostWicked Mon 11-Aug-14 14:42:25

You need to explain the disability caused through neglect part. And the other being slow, you are holding the parents responsible for that too?
I don't think I do quite "get the picture"

Kids getting smacked is a concern. They can spend their money how they want. Maybe they could do with some support to help with food and play. Have you asked if they need any help?

Older child will be in school and SS have previously been involved. If you have real concerns then report them, but make sure they are real concerns, not just judgements based on their lifestyle.

PumpkinPie2013 Mon 11-Aug-14 14:55:10

It doesn't sound good - smacking, lack of clean clothes/appropriate toys. The children's diet, while not ideal would worry me less as long as they are getting enough to eat.

It sounds like they could do with some support - they may be struggling to keep on top of washing/cooking/cleaning and affording toys.

If she is a family member have you asked if they would like some help? Can you put a washing load in at your house? Take the children to the park for an hour while someone else offers to help with the washing up?

Are they aware of their local children's centre? They often have activities for young children e.g. stay and play, toy libraries, people available to chat to.

What about the local health visiting team?

If you are concerned they are being neglected then definitely contact SS but do also look at other sources of support for them.

MrsWinnibago Mon 11-Aug-14 14:58:46

Raffle exactly.

The OP seems to have valid reasons for concern but it's not on to label people as a certain type because they live in a council flat.

I live in a council flat. I have a degree and have worked for the BBC and am currently facilitating an education project at a large and well known museum.

MrsWinnibago Mon 11-Aug-14 14:59:30

Oh and don't worry...I'm poor enough to be suitable for the council flat. hmm so I'm not freeloading. Just don't earn a lot as an artist.

Aeroflotgirl Mon 11-Aug-14 15:05:37

Op if you have valid concerns and evidence go to SS.

Aeroflotgirl Mon 11-Aug-14 15:06:57

I was just thinking that mrsW you freeloading Madame you smile

MiscellaneousAssortment Mon 11-Aug-14 15:14:41

Wow, disability caused by neglect? Are you sure about that? I'd be highly surprised that ss would continue to keep a child with parents who neglected her/ him do badly they ended up disabled?!

And agree with the other posters that your details seem designed to stereotype and stir.

MagicMojito Mon 11-Aug-14 15:19:12

What picture am I supposed to get by them being in benefits and in a council flat? hmm

As numerous other pp have advised you, report if you think the children are at risk. It sounds as if there are valid concerns with the children being afraid of their own father, dirty clothes etc.

How they spend their benefits is not a child protection issue also none of your business

Isn't it an issue if specific benefits, intended for the care of the older boy, aren't being used to provide what he needs?

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