To raise concerns to SS re: family member

[OldCatLady]

Changed a few details to not be recognisable. Sorry for the long post.

But background: family member 'Emma' has two children. She had her first fairly young, didn't know what she was doing, SS got involved, but family stepped in and all was fine. DS1 is disabled due to early neglect (I don't know specifically what's wrong with him but is statemented, is 7 and is more like a 3 year old). Therefore they get disability living allowance and carers allowance etc. DS2 is 3 and although not developing as he should, is not disabled, just a little slow. Neither parent works, live in council flat. You get the picture.

I have a few concerns and I'm not sure if I should report them or just keep my nose out. I know that dad hits the kids, and that they are scared of him, not as in punches or kicks them, but enough to hurt and scare them, and is verbally aggressive too. They get a lot of benefits for DS1 though none of it is being spent on him. They give a lot to Emma's mum who is also on benefits but a lot less than them. A lot seems to be spent on clothes, video games, nights out for parents. The kids are left to their own devices most of the time, no stimulation, no days out, no beneficial toys, they eat so badly (junk food 24/7), no bed times, no discipline, always wearing dirty clothes etc.

I feel so sorry for the kids but I feel like I'm being really pathetic in reporting this? What do you think?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

There's just nothing to go on here tboughmrs

If it's true then surely ss are already involved.

Or there are just assumptions being made.

It's hard to say without more Informatiom and as the child is statemented doesn't that mean that there's a wider set of people aware of the situation like teachers/pre school/teams of drs etc and stuff. Wouldn't it lead to more reports etc and harder to get away with leaving them with the family?

[ColdTeaAgain]

Oh come off it weatherall, this stupid 'mind your own business/ don't be a judgeypants' is exactly what DOES NOT help children/families in need of support.

The number one point made in any child protection training to always raise concerns if you suspect something isn't right.

[TheGoop]

If they are being hit, report the parents. Everything else is irrelevant.

Why haven't you done it yet?

[Oblomov]

There is not enough valid details in the OP to make an informed decision.

[Choochootrain1]

Your post is written in a way that sounds like you just want to benefit bash, but I don't think you intended to come across that way,

Yes OP you should report concerns for a child's welfare even if they are a family member. Your not required to prove anything, just speak up and hopefully it will spark up an investigation which will lead to the children being offered more support.

If the children have come to serious harm previously in the parents care, please don't waste time with this.

[MostWicked]

Go tell that to the DWP who have been sending out letters for years it's called a review of appointee letter

There are absolutely no guidelines whatsoever, on how you spend your DLA. As long as you are meeting your child's needs, the DWP won't care. If you are not meeting your child's needs, SS will get involved.
The letter is a formality to confirm that you are receiving the money on behalf of your child. In reality, there is no accountability.

[greenbananas]

PLEASE REPORT IF YOU HAVE ANY CONCERNS.

Sorry to put that in capitals. I just feel that the main issue is being lost in the argument about whether or not you should be judging about council flats etc.

Some of the best mums I know live in council flats, scrimp and save to give their children the best chances in life, go without all sorts of things themselves in order to take their children on day trips, are loving, wise, calm and patient... your post did sound a bit sweeping in its generalisations, but the main fact is that you are worried about the children.

Social services would rather investigate and find nothing than leave a child in a crap situation because they weren't aware.

Children suffer when good people do nothing. In fact, children have been left in horrendous situations (some have even died) because everybody thought it was somebody else's responsibility to report.

A friend of mine was reported to social services recently, by her child minder. It turned out to be nothing, and social services have basically butted out after investigating fairly thoroughly. She was very stressed and upset at the time, but bears no grudge towards the child minder, and is impressed with the way social services dealt with the whole thing.

Again, I say report if you have any concerns. It can't do any harm if everything is okay, but might do a lot of good if the family really does need support.

By the way... and not really relevant to the thread... Some disability can be caused by early neglect (foetal alcohol syndrome, cognitive impairments due to lack of stimulation and so on). Not the point though - the main concern is what is happening to these children now.

[auntjane2]

I do feel a very great deal of the opening post is about the economics of the situation. If anyone feels the children are being neglected the matter should be reported to social services, but not accompanied by a carefully detailed list of benefits the family receives.

[nocoolnamesleft]

I suspect that some of the details people are asking for have been deliberately left out just in case the OP could be identified. I wonder whether the "family stepping in" comment actually means some form/period of social care approved fostering within the wider family, whilst the parents tried to get their act together. If people really go along with that, sometimes even children who have had fairly significant harm can eventually end up back with their parents. Some of whom will have turned their life around. Others of whom will....lapse. If this had been the situation, it may be that the OP would have rather more information than might otherwise be the case, about past events.

Or I may be overinterpreting enormously.

But let's ignore the benefits-bashing for one minute (some superb parents are on benefits, and in council accomodation ffs, really wasn't helpful for the OP to mention that bit):

I know that dad hits the kids, and that they are scared of him, not as in punches or kicks them, but enough to hurt and scare them, and is verbally aggressive too.

The kids are left to their own devices most of the time, no stimulation, no days out, no beneficial toys, they eat so badly (junk food 24/7), no bed times, no discipline, always wearing dirty clothes etc.

So the OP is worried about:

Physical abuse
Emotional abuse
Neglect

Worries in 3 of the 4 categories of child protection? That sounds like it's worth at least an anonymous (albeit detailed) phonecall.

[greenbananas]

Nocoolnamesleft, that's a pretty good summary.

I am trained in child protection. And what you say is right.

Op, you need to report. Don't let this thread put you off reporting. You know that you need to say something, and you are only asking our opinions in order to give yourself some courage, right?

Call your local children and families helpdesk at 9am tomorrow morning.

[MorphineDreams]

OP not coming back then?

[Owllady]

We get dla for our daughter and have had the letter that was described above. You can be asked to account for it. It is specifically for the extra costs
It doesn't cover them!

[MorphineDreams]

I don't know how DLA covers anything. Especially for those who need extra equipment, a lot of which isn't covered by NHS Trusts. Like slings, good slings can be upwards £150. NHS usually provided one, two if you're lucky, but sometimes that's not enough.

[Owllady]

Even the most basic stuff isn't covered. I have to buy £80 worth of incontinence pads/slips as the ones I get on the bus aren't enough and aren't of good enough quality
Then there washing costs daily, tumble dryer costs
My electric bill was over 250 a month at one stage

[Owllady]

Bus is nhs :o

[theendoftheendoftheend]

Definately report OP, If there is something amiss (and you've already highlighted previous probs), they all might just get the help they need. I know how hard it is, I've been there. All I can say is do it sooner rather then later.
I think you should report the whole circumstance as well, not just the hitting but also the verbal aggression, lack of stimulation, dirty clothes and anything else that concerns you.

[greenbananas]

How did this become a thread about dla?? The op asked about safeguarding!!

It's the welfare of the children (and the family) in the original post that we should be discussing.

(Morphine, I don't know what kind of slings you need, but good slings can be had for a third of the price you are quoting - pm me for details cos I don't want to put adverts on this thread in case it's wrong)

[MorphineDreams]

greenbananas Having tested loads, the cheaper ones just have never cut the mustard and don't last years like others do. NHS in my area tend to lean towards the cheaper budget lines from the likes of Osprey, that are about £50, whereas I think bespoke ones from companies like Prism are much better. More expensive but last longer.

Could you PM the name please out of interest greenbananas?

Sorry to derail, will stop now.

[Pico2]

Could we not just have a blanket response to "should I call SS?" of "if you are wondering whether to call SS, then call them and they can decide whether to take it further"? It would save all of this posting about personal circumstances and judgmental comments.

I'm struggling to think of a thread which asked "should I call SS?" and the resounding response was "No".

[greenbananas]

Maybe op has had a busy evening and now gone to bed (should be in bed myself, with two young children and an early start tomorrow morning).

Maybe she is discouraged by negative comments about her prejudices. We all have prejudices, no matter how much we try to hide them or overcome them.

For goodness sake, let's keep the main point in view. Op is worried about some children. Op should share those worries with those able to help.

Oldcatslady, please do find tomorrow morning. Will do no harm, and might well do some good. You can ring anonymously if you need to. If you find feel comfortable calling social services directly, you can ring the nspcc helpline.

[greenbananas]

(Sorry for typos - hopefully you know what I mean)

[ShotgunNotDoingThePans]

Just coming back to say sorry I didn't mean to imply the dcs' problems couldn't be caused by parental neglect - just didn't think it was clear in the op and was hoping for clarification.

Regardless of where the family lives and how they spend their money or anyone's opinion on the cause of any disability, someone needs to look out for these children.

[Wantsunshine]

I think if you ever have an inkling that a child is not being looked after well to the point you have stated why would you not call social services. The child may then get help and looked after properly. They may also help with advice on how they should appropriate their money to their children so their needs are met.

[Selks]

I often think, when I read threads like this, that it should be an offence to not pass on concerns, it shouldn't be optional. That would take a lot of doubt out of situations like this.

I hope that even if the OP does not return to comment, they are reading the thread.