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To not want to date someone who texts at 6:30 am waking me up

(163 Posts)
justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 08:50:26

I've recently been in text conversations with a guy who seems nice, but possibly a little lacking in phone etiquette.

I would never text someone I didn't know well (except in an emergency) between the hours of 10 pm and 9 am. I have no idea what their sleeping preferences are and I would not want to wake them.

Today this guy decided to text me at 6:30 am, to say nothing very important. I think this was rude, seeing as he does not know me. I could not get back to sleep afterwards so I am now awake, tired (but unable to sleep) and grumpy. My phone needed to be on because it has my alarm clock.

I am now really put off the guy. AIBU to be so fussy I won't date a guy just because he does not follow what I consider to be phone etiquette norms, and woke me up and made me grumpy?

DizzyPurple Tue 27-Aug-13 09:01:16

Just mention it to him and ask him not to text so early. Lots of people have their phones off overnight and the alarm should still work. He probably was up just thinking of you and wanted to say hi. Think you're making a big deal out of nothing myself.

ChimeForChange Tue 27-Aug-13 09:01:16

You just put the phone on silent - the alarm will still work. You don't need to adjust any settings.

YABU if this is the only thing that bothers you?

Although like others have said, maybe you're not that interested?

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:01:33

Poosnu, you're right, it probably depends how much you like the guy.

If I was actually really interested in him I would look forward to his texts (even if they were at an unreasonable hour)

But currently they are just a bit crap and annoying.

DizzyPurple Tue 27-Aug-13 09:03:03

And 9 seems to be pretty late. After 7.30 may be more realistic esp if you have kids or are up for work (or both!) like most people are likely to be including him??

GoingUpInTheWorld Tue 27-Aug-13 09:03:37

I would be very surprised if someones light on their phone wakes them up.

Your making excuses to justify the fact that your not really keen on him

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:04:03

Dizzy, I would have been up well before 9, most people are.

I would just err on the side of caution, particularly with someone I didn't know well.

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:04:45

I wouldn't say I am making excuses.

It's more just that I wasn't that keen anyway, so therefore this has put me right off.

Dumpylump Tue 27-Aug-13 09:08:59

Yep, you're tired and grumpy, and you're just not that into him. His 6:30 text is just an excuse for you to get rid.
You must also be a pretty light sleeper though....I sometimes wake up to a couple of texts that have arrived in the middle of the night - either because friends have been on a night out, or because crap signal means they've been delayed floating about in the ether somewhere. The text alert and phone briefly lighting up has never woken me!

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 27-Aug-13 09:09:20

Why not just explain to him confused

Text at odd times in the belief that my friends will pick up the message at a time suitable o hem. No biggie.

I guess you are right, you are not that into him anyway

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 27-Aug-13 09:10:26

'I' and 'to them' obviously!!

Jarca Tue 27-Aug-13 09:12:01

You can:
- get an alarm clock
- set the phone to silent, the alarm should still work but the texts will not wake you up
- set the phone to fight safe mode, the alarm will work, no text and calls will disturb you

or end it with the guy, if you continue and get together closer, he'll be still waking up at 6:30 and disturb and annoy you. However, I think this is silly reason to end the relationship. You might just tell him not to text you so early.

melbie Tue 27-Aug-13 09:12:52

Hmmm torn. It does seem a bit early. BUT I think if you don't want to be woken up by a text you could put your phone on silent (maybe I have a weird view- all my friends are shift workers and so we all text at random times) Also I would be sort of touched he was thinking about me when he woke up. I agree maybe you are just not feeling it. Otherwise just mention you don't want texts at that time! Seems fairly normal to me though

LRDPomogiMnyeSRabotoi Tue 27-Aug-13 09:13:54

That would put me off a bit too - not because it disturbed me, but because I would slightly wonder if he was very lonely/a bit over-keen if he texted me at that time, which isn't a very normal time to text.

If you're really passionate about him, you'd have been excited about the text and would have thought nothing of it -so the fact you didn't react like that suggests you're not that interested. Either he is, and so you're not really on the same page, or he's got a rather empty life/few boundaries.

livinginwonderland Tue 27-Aug-13 09:14:07

If you liked him, it wouldn't bother you. You can just put your phone face-down if the light wakes you up. I do that because my old BlackBerry had that red flashing LED and it would annoy me if I woke up in the night!

Before DP and I moved in together, he text me every morning before work (and he leaves home around 6.30-6.40am). His texts never woke me and I loved knowing he was thinking of me when he woke up smile

If you don't like this guy, just end things, but like I said, if you did like him, you'd just put your phone on silent and not let it bother you.

Weener Tue 27-Aug-13 09:15:19

You keep saying you're not too keen on him but you should really be relaying this info to him (in a nice way!) rather than us. Also, most phones these days can be switched off and the alarm still goes off when it's supposed to. Maybe try figuring your phone out instead of lambasting some poor guy on the internet?

BalloonSlayer Tue 27-Aug-13 09:15:44

You can't be that keen on him anyway. If you were you'd have been delighted to be woken up by a text from him.

It's actually a modern way of judging how keen you are on someone.

Is he the one - take our quiz and find out!

- how would you feel if woken by a 6.30 am text from him?
a) excited
b) neutral
c) irritated

- after 3 dates he sends you a photo of one of his erogenous zones. Do you:
a) send him back a picture of one of yours
b) laugh uproariously and forward it to all your mates
c) retch into a bucket

- you tell him you can't afford to go out for dinner as you are broke due to a large bill. He persuades you to go anyway. When the bill comes you offer to split it and he accepts. Do you think:
a) it's only right and fair that a modern woman should pay for her own food
b) shame he forgot I'm broke, I'd kind of thought he would be treating me this time and I'd pick up the bill for the next dinner. I shouldn't have presumed though.
c) the tightfisted bastard! He can fuck right off.

At end of quiz

mostly c)s - bin him

LegoAcupuncture Tue 27-Aug-13 09:18:59

grin Ballon. My answer to Q2 is B.

EBearhug Tue 27-Aug-13 09:19:42

I'd just reply to say please don't text before 9am.

Having said that, I have texted people at unsociable hours, because I knew it would be unacceptable to phone them then, and a text can be picked up when convenient. I figure that if their phone is likely to wake them up when it's not the alarm, that is their problem, and they need to adjust their settings accordingly, because it would be a problem if anyone else texted at that time, too.

BlehPukeVomit Tue 27-Aug-13 09:20:14

If that's the worse he does you should marry him confused

You should look at it in a positive light - he probably thinks you are clever enough to knoe how to put texts on silent and place the phone on its face so the light doesn't bother you.

If it takes you '10 to 15 minutes fiddling' you probably need a new phone and a new boyfriend.

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:20:20

I'm quite intrigued that several people think the phone alarm will go off even when the phone is switched off. If this is true that is very clever and why did I not know that before?

I've now turned my phone (iPhone 4) off to test it... It should go off at about 9:30.

BlehPukeVomit Tue 27-Aug-13 09:21:37

Balloon grin

blueshoes Tue 27-Aug-13 09:22:21

I am clearly behind on my phone etiquette.

I thought people text when it not convenient for the recipient to take a call at that point, which usually happens to be outside of normal waking hours. Of course I did not count on the person who leaves their phone on all night ...

Isn't it an unnecessary waste of phone battery to leave the phone on all night just for the alarm, quite apart from the social misfits who call and text you at all hours?

FreudiansSlipper Tue 27-Aug-13 09:24:05

you have only been texting each other

if this was done after a few dates that would be nice well if you liked him

if you were the one coming on here saying i sent a text to a guy i have been texting at 630 is that too much i am quite sure most would reply yes

it is not sweet at all how can he be in to you if you have only sent text messages

LumpInTheCustard Tue 27-Aug-13 09:24:57

I am inclined to agree with you OP.

I always have my phone switched on (as I would not like to be unavailable in an emergency and I don't have a land line) so would be distinctly displeased to get texted irrelevancies while I could reasonably be expected to be asleep. Yet I had one sort-of-boyfriend who did just that - texting me something inane at just a bit after 6am. And yes I ditched him partly as a result of that text. Because surely sweet nothings can wait until a more civilized hour?

I also eye with suspicion anyone who phones between 10pm and 8am, or calls round uninvited between those hours, It just isn't very considerate behavior IMO.

WhoNickedMyName Tue 27-Aug-13 09:25:14

You need to get yourself to the nearest Apple store for a lesson on how to use your phone.

It takes 2 seconds to put it on silent and the alarm will still go off. It takes another 2 seconds to stop texts lighting up your screen.

Texting guy sounds desperate and yes, you are too fussy.


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