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To be angry at a nanny 'friend' who told me I should leave my job..........

(325 Posts)
Mummyoftwoangels Tue 30-Apr-13 14:39:22

just because I told her I didn't want to feed her youngest charge her bottle this morning?! She was 'busy' texting her boss!!

My reasoning being, I lost my own babies just over a year ago, and struggle at times with dealing with young babies! The children I look after are 3 and 6 so not babies!!

She said I should be able to help out others or I'm not doing my job properly! She knows the history of what I have been through, but insisted that I should think about changing my career sad

If I seriously thought I wasn't doing my job properly, I would leave! AIBU to be really angry, and sad at her criticism?!

YoniRanger Tue 30-Apr-13 14:41:39

Sport for your loss hmm

Regardless of this though she should do her own bloody job, or pay you to do it!

Crinkle77 Tue 30-Apr-13 14:42:03

So are you a nanny too or are you just a friend who happened to be there whilst she was looking after her charges?

YoniRanger Tue 30-Apr-13 14:42:03



SantanaLopez Tue 30-Apr-13 14:42:09

I'm a bit confused, do you work together?

Anyway, it's her job, not yours, she is being VU.

So very sorry for your loss flowers

LazyMonkeyButler Tue 30-Apr-13 14:42:21

YANBU. Your "friend" is an insensitive arse.

You would only have not been doing your job properly if the baby was your charge and you were responsible for feeding them.

I'm so sorry for your loss sad.

shewhowines Tue 30-Apr-13 14:55:24


Your charges are not babies so it doesn't impact on your ability to do your job.

She is very insensitive to not understand this.

It's not in your job remit to "help others" is it? - unless you want to/it is convenient for you to.

fuzzypicklehead Tue 30-Apr-13 15:02:27

Are the parents of your charges paying you to feed the other nanny's baby? If not, then no, it really isn't part of "doing your job properly".

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Tue 30-Apr-13 15:15:13

YANBU your "friend" is a nasty insensitive cow. and pretty lame really. I always managed to give my 2 DC a bottle while texting. its easy. Honestly maybe she needs to look for a new job if she cant manage to multi task better?!

Sorry for your loss OP.

ConfusedPixie Tue 30-Apr-13 15:20:08

She wants you to feed her charge? Lazy cow. Texting the boss can wait until after the child has been fed surely?!

applecrumblepie Tue 30-Apr-13 15:35:47

You are absolutely not being unreasonable! She is. Your employer pays you to look after their charges and her employer pays her to look after theirs! Tell her to sling her hook!

rubyslippers Tue 30-Apr-13 15:37:46


are you both nannies??

her priority should be the children she looks after and vice versa and as the boss of a nanny i would much rather my nanny fed my child than texted me!

your friend sounds defensive and a shitty friend

Mummyoftwoangels Tue 30-Apr-13 19:06:14

Sorry, I should of explained better! But I was just so pissed off with her! Then managed to convince myself that maybe she was right sad which is not what I need right now!

Yes I am a nanny too! But as I said I look after older children. The playdate was with her older charge, who is 3 the same as mine! But of course the baby comes too! Which is fine! I have had to fight my feelings on being around small babies, but do understand that part of my job is keeping my charges in contact with their friends, and if that means having young babies around, then I cope!! But I just couldn't face feeding the baby sad I hope in time that will change, but right now I don't work with babies, so it's not an issue!

I was really hurt and upset by what she said! Telling me that it's been over a year and maybe it's times to stop with the drama sad and get on with doing my job properly?! As far as I know I do a perfectly good job! If I wasn't then my bosses wouldn't keep me on! I know I shouldn't let what she said get to me! But I think I'm already in an emotional place, as it's coming up to the anniversary of what should of been their first birthday, had I carried the pregnancy to the planned delivery date sad I failed to do that, and today she made me feel like I was failing to do my job! Not what I needed!

Thanks for all the kind words of support! Nice to know I wasn't just being over dramatic!! Xx

IsItMeOr Tue 30-Apr-13 19:19:19

Oh OP sad.

You are so not a failure because you lost your two babies.

She isn't a friend, she's a cow, who seems to have had a go at you because she didn't want to do her job.

Hm, you need a simple response to shut her down if she tries to start on this one again. Will try to think of one...

FieryChipotle Tue 30-Apr-13 20:20:07

Oh my goodness OP! She sounds horribly insensitive. I'm so sorry for your loss. You should only ever do what you feel comfortable doing and nothing more. It sounds like you've been through more than enough without anyone putting pressure on you! I'm sending very un-Mumsnetty hugs x

carameldecaflatte Tue 30-Apr-13 20:49:10

Oh love I couldn't be around young babies either for a long time after I lost my son. I think you are amazing for staying in a job that puts you into any contact with babies.
Your "friend" is being incredibly insensitive.
Your feelings are absolutely normal: there is no timetable to grief.
I am so sorry you lost your babies.

flowery Tue 30-Apr-13 20:53:41

Your friend is not very nice.

She is also lazy. Your boss is not paying you to do her job while she puts her feet up.

So sorry for your loss. sad

Cherriesarered Tue 30-Apr-13 20:58:43

Sometimes when we lose loved ones, other people like to put a time limit on how long they 'think' we should grieve. That is of course impossible as grief is personal to us and takes as long as we need. Take as long as you need and don't let others try to hurry you. She should be caring for her charges not emotionally blackmailing you into doing her work for her. <<Make new friend time>>

HoneyDragon Tue 30-Apr-13 20:59:05

She sounds like a shit friend and a shit Nanny tbh. Empathy is a skill you need for both roles.

QuintessentialOHara Tue 30-Apr-13 21:02:49

What a silly moo your friend is.

She is actually complaining that you are not doing her job! angry

Seems to me you are doing your own job just fine!

VikingLady Tue 30-Apr-13 21:46:25

She is a cow with zero empathy - and a lazy one, to boot. Next time -

"Do your job for you? My rates are x"

Mummyoftwoangels Tue 30-Apr-13 21:53:54

Thanks for all the replies!

It's nice to know I'm not just being oversensitive! She text me earlier, saying she was sorry she got annoyed with me earlier! But she was just trying to help??? She said it's time to stop thinking about my girls and move on sad I replied with a few choice words!!!!

Think I should point her in this direction, and maybe she would see that how I am feeling is 'normal' and okay!!

McNewPants2013 Tue 30-Apr-13 21:56:00

I am sorry for your loss flowers

even with out the heartache of losing 2 babies, its not your job to look after her have 2 to look after yourself

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Tue 30-Apr-13 22:07:26

I'm so sorry thanks

Your friend is beyond insensitive thinking you should move on.

AndBingoWasHisNameOh Tue 30-Apr-13 22:14:13

What a horrid woman

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