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To be a bit narked about this party

(150 Posts)
StrangeGlue Mon 15-Oct-12 12:17:45

oh my first AIBU....eek!

My friend and her sister are having a join 35th party. It's a train journey away (£72) and obviously I'll get her a present.

The invite has arrived and I have to take my own food and drink!

They both work and they're having the party in their well-off parents back garden (so no venue hire costs) so am I being unreasonable to think they could be supplying at least the food if not also the drink?

MontBlanc Mon 15-Oct-12 13:43:44

Some of these stories are awful! Do these people not understand the definition of hospitality? If you invite someone to your home you make them feel welcome, keep them warm, feed and refresh them. OP you will not be getting any of these!

If you can't be arsed with the whole hospitality thing you invite people to the pub instead.

Definitely do not go!!

IvanaHumpalotCountDracula Mon 15-Oct-12 14:07:29

Wrap up, drink red wine and order a take-a-way - something warming for one!

LonelyCloud Mon 15-Oct-12 14:16:55

Asking guest to bring food and drink sounds a bit stingy.

I've been to parties where I've been asked to bring my own drinks, but I've only ever been asked to bring food when I've said something like "Do you want me to bring along any food for you?" first.

lljkk Mon 15-Oct-12 14:18:05

Turn up with a bottle of wine & a party bag worth of Wotsits purchased from the corner shop, no? I would presume they only want cards, not gifts.

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug Mon 15-Oct-12 14:22:32

Take Pom Bears.

ilovetermtime Mon 15-Oct-12 14:23:22

The cheek of some people!

YADNBU and I wouldn't bother going, sounds awful, I hate being cold.

Iodine Mon 15-Oct-12 14:35:31

So you're expected to pay £72 to travel for hours, juggling a homemade quiche and 2 bottles of wine, and a present to sit (or is it bring your own chair?) in a freezing, damp garden in the dark?!?!

The bloody cheek of it. Don't go, save the money and go out for dinner instead. Even as a student when we threw parties we would all chip in (as a house) to buy some pizzas and nibbles for our guests. My mum thinks it's the ultimate taboo to not provide food when people are drinking.

AThingInYourLife Mon 15-Oct-12 14:52:09

"Or you could pitch up and say "I've brought my favourite dish to share. It's a packet of Wotsits".


Do this!

Jusfloatingby Mon 15-Oct-12 15:25:47

Presumably this mean pair will also get to keep all the leftover casseroles, pies, lasagnes and pavlovas and eat for free for a week (plus any leftover booze as well).

StrangeGlue Mon 15-Oct-12 17:52:47

Hi everyone, thanks for your comments! I'm strangely pleased as I thought I was being a bit miserable.

Yep it is also 200+ miles away but that inevitable as people spread out as you grow up.

It is a bit studently really, I said to DH that I was hoping to have grown out of this stage by now. When she said she was having a party I thought oh great and imagined something a bit more sophisticated.

Ho hum, I dunno what I'm going to do yet but glad to see I'm not the only one who'd think about not going.

TheOneWithTheHair Mon 15-Oct-12 18:05:05

I've just remembered the only time I asked guests to bring anything. We had a gangsters and molls casino party for one new year. We bought everything for the casino (green baise for the tables, poker chips, card dealers, a roulette wheel etc). We also decided to do a cocktail bar. We of course layed on food but we also had wine, beer and every spirit imaginable for the cocktail bar.

We asked our guests to bring mixers - a carton of orange, coke, lemonade etc. We thought it was fair enough to do that but maybe not now I think about it. sad

StrangeGlue Mon 15-Oct-12 18:16:22

That's completely different to standing outside in November having brought your own food and drink! That sounds great (much more along the lines I was expecting).

DrinkFecksArseyGhosts Mon 15-Oct-12 18:24:41

I think it must be that entitled thing that some well-off people have going. I'd be embarrassed to behave like that but I have poop person's Morales.

What are you going to do? On Tje one hand I think you shoukdnt go, but then...we need you to report nback

Proudnscary Mon 15-Oct-12 18:26:28

I never understand it when people invite guests and tell them to bring their own refreshments! But then it's never happened to me in 42 years of RL, only ever read about it on Mumsnet.

As others have said, occasionally if we are hosting a big party for family Christmas or a get together with old friends - ie something we were all organising but happened to be at my house - I'll ask for a couple of bottles/puds but supply everything else.

But I'd never decide to throw myself/dh/dcs a birthday party and ask for a single thing from a guest. Plain rude.

No way would I go - bloody cheek.

Fakebook Mon 15-Oct-12 18:27:14

I'd be tempted to take a Pyrex dish, and say "this is my fave one!!"

They sound childish and greedy. I wouldn't go!

MadBusLadyHauntsTheMetro Mon 15-Oct-12 18:27:54

Sometimes I'll do a thing with friends where the host cooks the main meal and everyone else brings wine and a something for pudding, which takes the pressure off the host a bit. But not the whole meal!

I also think asking people to bring mixers to a cocktail party is totally fine. It's not like asking for expensive spirits.

Is it possible they have some sort of massively expensive surprise Event planned that will be totally worth you pitching up with a Tescos Finest quiche, and it's costing them so much and will be so wonderful that you'll be weeping with gratitude that you went along? <clutches at straws>

quoteunquote Mon 15-Oct-12 18:36:05

Organise a tesco order to arrive half an hour after you do, you could have fun with what you order.

TheOneWithTheHair Mon 15-Oct-12 18:36:53

We definitely need you to go and report back. grin

Laquitar Mon 15-Oct-12 18:40:37

'It is a bit studently really.

I wouldn't have problem with it, i even like it, but then it has to be studently all the way. Which means a very small 'funny' present £2-3 and everybody in jeans and who knows it might be fun.

But if they expect good presents and spend £100 on outfits then it is not studently, it is cheap.

expatinscotland Mon 15-Oct-12 18:46:10

Another one who wouldn't go but send her a lovely gift. Don't fancy standing around outside in November for any length of time.

eBook Mon 15-Oct-12 18:51:56


You throw a party, you provide the food, drink and a warm hospitable welcome.

Then when you attend a party, someone else provides these for you.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 15-Oct-12 18:56:34

i wouldnt dream of doing that its really tight to throw a party and expect guests to provide all that

StrangeGlue Mon 15-Oct-12 18:58:20

I'm really wavering between going with a bottle of blue nun and a packet of wotsits and a Pyrex dish so I can report back or not going and enjoying not having spent the best part of £100 (train, drink, food, present) on standing on a freezing lawn.

Argh I'm genuinely torn as I do like her. She's not grabby but her and her family are dead tight. Her DH is an arse too so not making small talk with him would be a relief!

Iodine Mon 15-Oct-12 19:04:06

Theonewiththehair-sounds fantastic! I wouldn't have minded as a guest to bring a bottle of spirits. Can I come to the next one?

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