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to wonder why a 20yo woman would go out with a 16yo boy

(131 Posts)
unomania Sun 10-Jul-11 11:49:11

My 16yo brother has a new girlfriend who is 20 and just can't get my head round it. I know its none of my business but I just can't understand it.

nethunsreject Sun 10-Jul-11 11:49:54

it's only 4yrs!

CandiceMariePratt Sun 10-Jul-11 11:51:18

4 years is nothing. My oap mother is at it with a man 20 years her junior, now that is revolting.

pictish Sun 10-Jul-11 11:51:28

That's no biggy. What's your beef?

unomania Sun 10-Jul-11 11:52:25

Its just that she's just got her 2nd year at uni results whilst he's waiting for his GCSE results, they are at different stages of their lives.

TidyDancer Sun 10-Jul-11 11:52:39

I'll admit, I think that's a bit odd. It's nothing in terms of an age gap, but it is likely significant when you consider the difference in maturity.

AuntiePickleBottom Sun 10-Jul-11 11:54:16

there is 5 years between me and DH, it's only 4 year and he is the age of consent

WannaBeMarryPoppins Sun 10-Jul-11 11:54:49

My partner is almost 3 years younger than myself and we are in our early twenties.
I thought of the age difference as huge in the beginning but we were at the exact same stage in life when we got together (job/education wise etc), so the difference didn't feel big at all.

Would you be ok with it being the other way around?

TheFalcon Sun 10-Jul-11 11:55:05

It's very strange. In some countries it would be illegal.

mummymeister Sun 10-Jul-11 11:55:33

Would you feel the same if it were a 16 year old sister with a 20 year old man? sorry cannot see the problem here. if they are at different life stages then they will either adjust and stay together or in a couple of years she will be in a job and he thinking about uni/college and they may be forced apart. similarly they might marry in 5 years time and live together h.e.a - who knows!

pictish Sun 10-Jul-11 11:55:35

Maybe she's a bit immature, maybe not.
Either way, your brother's only 16 and this is very unlikely to be his only relationship. It might be a good learning curve for him in all sorts of ways.

squeakytoy Sun 10-Jul-11 11:55:54

He may be mature for his age.. its not illegal, and its not even a big age gap. Nobody would bat an eyelid if the gender were the other way around.

When I was 30 my bf at the time was 21..

Sn0wflake Sun 10-Jul-11 11:56:28

Really depends on the individuals.

unomania Sun 10-Jul-11 11:56:39

I would probably be worried if it were a 16yo girl with 20yo man whilst I only think this is odd.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows Sun 10-Jul-11 11:57:53

I wouldn't be happy about it. Four years matters when it's a quarter of your life. It matters less and less as you get older. But a 16 year old boy is not on the same maturity level of a 20 year old girl.

WannaBeMarryPoppins Sun 10-Jul-11 11:58:10

Ah, i x-posted with you unomania. I do think it's a bit weirder when they are at such different stages. But maybe he is very mature or whatever? If they are happy I think it's great

squeakytoy Sun 10-Jul-11 11:58:13

why would you be worried?? most 16yr old girls are on a much closer level to a 20yr old male than boys their own age.

At 14 my bf was 18, and we were together for 5 years.

TheFalcon Sun 10-Jul-11 11:59:35

"why would you be worried?? most 16yr old girls are on a much closer level to a 20yr old male than boys their own age."
Yeah but it's the other way round here. I can't imagine what a 20 year old girl would find attractive in a 16 year old boy.

Goblinchild Sun 10-Jul-11 12:00:49

I was collecting my O level results when my OH was graduating.
Look at the amount of drooling that goes on here about teenage lovelies who are male, from twilight to Justin whatisname.

squeakytoy Sun 10-Jul-11 12:01:21

I agree Falcon, but not everyone is the same, and there are some boys more mature than their years, and girls who are young for their age. So long as they are happy together as a couple, and treat each right, then who should judge.

worraliberty Sun 10-Jul-11 12:02:38

Well no-one's forcing them together I take it, so different stages or obviously feels right for them to date each other.

CurrySpice Sun 10-Jul-11 12:03:40

While I think that she goes wout with him because she likes him, I do agree that a 4 year gap between a 20yo and a 16yo is a mch bigger 4 year gap than between a 40 yo and a 44yo iyswim

leares Sun 10-Jul-11 12:04:45

I thinks its very odd, how did they meet?

He might not have finished puberty yet, what does she see in him?

altinkum Sun 10-Jul-11 12:06:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFalcon Sun 10-Jul-11 12:13:44

"I dont see the issue, would you be ok with a 24 year old man dating a 28 year old girl?. Its 4 years age difference, I dont see the big deal tbh."
When both people are over 20, it's all fair game IMO.

Would you be ok with a 16 year old girl dating a 12 year old boy?

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