Trauma

[garibaldiscake]

I've practiced yoga of some kind or another for several years. Recently, I've joined a class that's a bit slower and we spend longer getting into proper alignment. I love it and I'm learning and progressing and it's at the right time of the day.

However, for the last four weeks, when I come to the relaxation at the end, somehow, I traumatic memory from decades ago pops into my head. It's horrid and probably 20 years ago. I don't even know if it's a true memory. I was sexually assaulted whilst really drunk/high. I don't think I was even that arsed at the time, just got on with it and never got in that situation again. I was definitely assaulted but I never could remember the before or after but it's either all coming back now or I'm filling in blanks.

So why is it coming back now? Honestly, I don't have time for shit like this now, I just want to love my practice.

The first few times it popped up from totally nowhere. Now, I think I can feel it coming as soon as I get into shavasana and I spend the next ten minutes trying to not think about it.

What do you think? Can I stop it without hours of expensive therapy trying to unpack something I can't remember?

The yoga's working! Don't try to stop it or analyse it. Allow whatever emotions arise to happen and return to focus on your breathing. The more you try to block it, the longer the healing process will take.

It doesn't matter if you think it was a fake memory. Whatever it was, your 'real' self has suppressed it all this time, just like you was suppressing life by getting drunk/high at the time.

A little bit of talk therapy alongside the yoga may help if the emotions are painful and you go about the rest of your day dwelling on it.

I’m a trauma-informed yoga teacher. It’s a common experience that yoga practice can unlock or reveal trauma in the body that is unprocessed. Yoga, practised well, is a healing modality really. So this is coming up to be healed. However it’s still ok to take this at your own pace. If Savasana is really triggering for you, you could try a different position - it’s ok to relax on your side, or even sitting up. If you find the memories intrusive you need to ground yourself - feel the ground beneath you, open your eyes and remind myself you are safe in the present moment, consciously apply compassion to the thoughts you’re having and the experiences you’re remembering. If it works for you, use your breath as an anchor into the present moment. If that is too difficult focus on your senses - what you see, hear, feel, smell, even taste. It sounds as if you have a good teacher so you could even ask their advice or explain briefly that you need to handle Savasana differently (maybe sit, maybe move around) to help you cope.

I also echo what Dinosaur said about talking therapy - it might be that it’s now time to process what happened to you, feel it and let it go. Or if you prefer embodied forms of therapy EFT tapping could be good. (You tap on your own body as you affirm different things - you need to do it with a trained practitioner really though). Good luck x

Thanks both. Isn't in strange. I feel like the more yoga I do the less I know about it. Or the more I realise there is to know.

I think I'll maybe sit up next time and see how I get on. It doesn't distress me at all. I just get annoyed that it's intruding on my practice.

I’ve found this thread really interesting as I have found the same with sounds baths. I shall take on the ideas given to OP, and OP thanks for posting this, I’d stopped going to the sessions as it was distressing me but actually I now look at it with a new perspective