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Is it ever possible to get the right balance? How do those who've worked and now have older kids feel about time not spent with them?

15 replies

somethinganything · 08/07/2010 22:31

I have a 2 DDs: 2.6 and 4 months. I worked freelance, from home, after my first maternity leave and am now starting to do a bit of work from home again. Again it will only be part-time and I'll be working from home but I feel so torn, when an interesting work opportunity comes up I always feel excited about it but then after a bit of time I feel so guilty about every minute not spent with the DDs - keep mulling over all the hours they have spent/will spend with someone else looking after them and how it's time lost that I'll never get back etc The other thing is that I'm in the very fortunate position that I don't 'have' to work in that DH earns a salary that we can easily live on together, which compounds the guilt i.e. I'm choosing to not spend time with my children.

But, when I have done full-time SAHM stints I get so impatient and start to feel that I'm actually a better mum if I have time away from them doing other stuff. DH works very long hours so organising home life is more or less all down to me.

I feel so emotional about the whole thing that I find it hard to see the situation clearly and work out what is actually best for DDs. Just wondering what your experiences have been and how you feel about your choices looking back. Thanks

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janeite · 08/07/2010 22:39

I went back full time (teacher) when dd1 was 3 months old. Two years later I had dd2. I went back full time when she was ten weeks old. At the time it was the right thing for me to do: I loved my job; it paid well enough; financially and personally it all made sense.

Looking back now though (they are teenagers now) I sometimes wish that I hadn't been quite so quick to get back to work. I saw very few of their assemblies etc, hardly ever took them to school or collected them, didn't ever get the chance to do the whole playgroup thing and suffered a lack of friends who were mums because of that.

I wouldn't change things if I could go back in time BUT I do wish that I could maybe have another child now and do things differently with this one, now I'm older, well established in my career, a bit more well-off etc etc.

wohmum · 08/07/2010 22:40

My kids are older , 11 and 7 and I reallynthink that as they get older they need YOU more(or dad), whereas when they are little , almost any loving carer will do.

With school and homework , and being around for news about friends etc , I feel like I'm missing out and I know they would prefer me to be around more after school.
My oldest goes to secondary school in Sept and I think that's going to be even harder- I want to know he's not hangigng around with a dodgy crowd , and I don't think it's very nice for him to come home to an empty house in the winter.

If you can manage to organize your work so you can work from home and build it up so you can work while they are at school, but be around for after, then you'll have the best of both!

I'm sure others will have a view , but I honestly feel it's harder as they get older!

cat64 · 08/07/2010 22:47

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piscesmoon · 08/07/2010 22:53

I'm another one to agree with wohmum-they do need you more when older. I was working full time and very stressed when DS was 14yrs and I think that he found it hard coming into an empty house, although he didn't say so. I feel more guilty about that then when they were younger and could go to one of my friends. Up to about 6yrs, possibly 7 yrs you can leave them with anyone who is caring-after that they get very fussy.

twentyten · 08/07/2010 22:57

My dd is now 13 and I found I would have gone bonkers if I hadn't worked when she was small- I could neverbe a yummy mum,and felt much happier working.Didn't help the guilt going away overnight while she was ill etc-always happened then.But she seems to have very hazy memories about me being away-it does seem like she needs me there now more as a teen-just to be there when she want to talk.Guilt goes with the territory I am afraid-no eay answer.

violethill · 09/07/2010 06:36

I agree with twentyten.

There are no 'right' answers, and even if you spent 24 hours a day with your children, and never worked or had a life apart from them, you'd still feel guilty for other reasons - that you were stifling their development, not providing a role model which will encourage them to be aspirational etc etc

So first of all, you need to ditch the guilt - easier said than done, but try really hard to rationalise it.

To answer your question, I think most parents have a gut feeling for whether they are spending 'enough' time with their children. You know as a parent when your children are contented/settled or anxious/unhappy, and you respond accordingly, whether it's spending 30 minutes chatting, or making more radical changes to your lifestyle such as reducing your work hours.

The other key thing to remember (which its easy to forget) is that the central issue should be finding a good balance for the whole family. It's not a case of one family member being more important than another. Also, you need to differentiate between what you as a parent may feel you're missing out on, and whether this actually bothers your child. If your child is having a really happy afternoon with a childminder and other children, for instance, then feeling negatively about that is nothing to do with the child, it's about the mother perhaps needing to feel totally irraplaceable - which is clearly nonsense, as from the moment a child is born, it begins a lifetime of forming relationships.

On a practical note, when it comes to time spent, watching school plays, attending assemblies etc, well, as with many things, it's not just about quantity. As a working parent, I arranged time off to see some of the special nursery and school events which my children were involved in, but by no means all. DH managed to see some too. My children don't feel they missed out, I don't feel I missed out.....I honestly don't think they have ever counted up and thought 'Why did mum only come to 3 sports days and not 6?' Doubt they even remember! It's about establishing a positive balance overall, not spending every minute with your child. Apart from anything else, in families where one parent stays home, and one works, it doesn't necessarily follow at all that the children will remain closer to the parent at home, or want to spend time with them more - in fact it can be the opposite!

You won't find a neat answer to this one, but it sounds as though you feel in your heart you have made the right choices, and that having time apart to develop your professional life makes you feel like a better mum the rest of the time.

sarah293 · 09/07/2010 07:20

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somethinganything · 09/07/2010 08:39

Thanks so much to all of you - really helpful thoughts/feedback. And a really interesting point that you all say about kids needing you more when they're older.

Violethill v good point about differentiating between me parent feeling they've missed out and the DCs feeling they've been let down. I've definitely got a bit silly a couple of times when DD1 has had a brilliant time with the CM and I've felt (completely irrationally) that it was a sign of me having a poor relationship with her etc I've just really been feeling the pressure to spend every moment of the day with them both regardless of whether it's the best thing for them or me.

Riven you're right it all seems so intense maybe partly because there's so much marketing out there about capturing special moments, keeping records of the first time they smile/roll over/burp etc, which I've always been a bit rubbish at.

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sarah293 · 09/07/2010 08:44

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brimfull · 09/07/2010 08:56

Coming from the other angle I didn't work when my dc were pre-school age , didn't consider myself a 'yummy mum' whatever that is , as twentyten calls sahm. Anyhoo my point is I regret not staying in my job and progressing in my career.
My dd is 18 now and as Riven says I can hardly remember her early childhood.
Ds is 7 and I now work albeit part time and often look at my colleagues who didn't take huge chunks of time off for children and wish I had done the same.

somethinganything · 09/07/2010 09:42

ggirl thanks - and yes, having had periods of being a SAHM I know there's nothing 'yummy' about it although some bits are of course wonderful.I'm guessing twentyten means that we're in a way sold an idea that being a SAHM will be completely idyllic and it'll all be giggling, baking and picking flowers together and in reality I don't think anyone has the patience to fill their kids every minute with meaningful activities etc and not get a bit bored

Riven did the same with DD1's baby book just before DD2 was born. DD2's remains more or less empty for now, keep meaning to get started Sorry to hear about your DD but FWIW sounds like you did an amazing thing to give up your job and home ed her and I'm sure she'll see that in time.

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LaDiDaDi · 09/07/2010 09:57

I went back to work ft when dd was 8 months old. At times I found it emotionally very hard. I'm now on mat. leave with ds, dd is at nursery in the mornings nd I love it, I had felt like "ooh, I never want to go back to work" BUT....

I think I'm only enjoying it this much because it's temporary, it's sunny so we can get out a lot, I've got cash to spend from working ft previously etc. So for me it's like being on an extended holiday with more washing iyswim . I will be going back pt in Sept and I think that this is the right choice for our family at this time, pt because I've progressed enough in my career to do this and dp's income has risen to make up for some of my loss of wages.

Whatever you do now doesn't have to be what you do forever, esp as you are freelance, you can change throughout your children's lives.

emy72 · 09/07/2010 10:59

Well your children are not going to remember that they had a few hours a day away from you - it's a fact!

I picked up my DS1 from preschool yesterday (aged nearly 4) and he said "why have you picked me up, mum? I want to stay at school all day!" - charming!!

I have applied to go back to work part-time and I am hoping it will give me the right balance. So far I have been a SAHM, i have worked full time and both have a lot of advantages AND disadvantages, and neither I feel, had given me a total balance.

So in other words - keep going and don't worry too much about it! x

MistyB · 09/07/2010 11:15

"A mother's place is in the wrong!" Great qoute!!

somethinganything · 09/07/2010 12:20

emy72 yes I know you're right that they won't remember, it's more about whether I 'should' be with them all the time at this stage because it's such a shortlived period and I'm in a position to be able to do so etc

The plan is to build up the freelance work so that I'm going strong by the time they are at school and can get most work done during school hours. Rather than stopping completely now and then when I want to start work again in a few year's time finding I can only get 9-5. But I find to make a success of freelance you have to take opportunities as they come otherwise they just don't crop up again. Hence why I've started doing some bits of work while DD2 is still so little. It also means you're never fully doing one thing or the other i.e. not prioritising motherhood or career just sort of muddling along. But maybe it always feels like that and I just have to accept that nothing's perfect.

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