Part-time employment lawyer- where's my career gone?!

[510fudge]

hello all

I am an employment lawyer, fairly senior, and used to work in the city before my daughter was born. I then got a job at a local firm 3 days a week - it had loads of positives but unfortunately my boss was awful- 3 people in a small team went off with stress, and 4 people left. I decided when on maternity leave (after she humiliated me on my last day in front of eveyone and I ended up at 34 years of age crying in the toilets) to bite the bullet and hand my notice in without having another job to go to. Life is too short to work somewhere like that.

I've been looking for another part-time job since January, but had no luck. My old firm in the city would have me back, but I know that long-term it's not what I want to do, and I know how long the hours were. I would love an in-house job but without in-house experience I don't seem to stand a chance. I just turned down what would have been my dream in-house job because they needed someone full-time and I just can't do that as my husband is a lawyer too and works very long hours.

Not sure why I'm writing this post really. I just feel very fed up about the whole thing. I know that I'm a really good lawyer, but I feel that my career is slipping away from me. My husband was promoted to partner whilst I was on maternity leave, and while he is really going places I am the one stuck at home doing all the housework etc. For the first time I'm wondering whether I'll become a housewife- if you'd told me that 10 years ago I would have burst out laughing!

Anyone else in a similar situation? How did you/are you managing? Any suggestions?

Thank you

Me and DW faced these choices and so I a great deal of sympathy.

This is going to sound harsh but why not take the full time job and get a nanny if you love your job as much as you say?

We have female friends in the City and all faced this choice. It is horrible but some jobs are full time and to get to the top you need to work long hours like your DH.

One female friend took a lower paid role in the City on a 4 day a week contract but in reality she is working 5 days as the phone never stops ringing. She just gets paid 25% less because she needs flexibility.

She told DW last week how gutted and frustrated she feels when she talks to younger women who are just coming in to the job. They still believe they can have it all. She has two dauhters too and she is very keen for them to do well at school and get top jobs - but she feels actually she is deceivng her girls and should really be telling them to find a nice rich husband.

My only advice is to think about changing career entirely or hiring the 24/7 cover you and your DH need in order to do your jobs.

TYPO: I have a great deal of sympathy.

One thing more. I know someone who retrained as a company secretary and works for a series of small/mid sized firms as a Board director and in house legal advisor.

A flexible and interesting role with some legal work.

massive sympathy OP.
I ended up resigning from the career I loved after dc3 after damage done to my career by 3 very bad pregnancies and a boss who really didn't seem to get that it was the pregnancies, not me, that were the problem. My dh has the same kind of job as I used to have and is doing very well. I know how it feels. So much wasted talent and ability.

so, how to manage....
I try to remind myself of the positives about my current situation. Working in a pressured job while being a parent is not an ideal situation - it is stressful and unless you are very lucky indeed is full of compromises. I try to enjoy the little things that I would not have been able to do if I had still been working.
And I am angry.

BeenBeta - what your DW's friend says there rings so true with me despite my career being in a very different field. When fundraisers from my old college rang up, so keen and optimistic about their own careers, I was desperate to warn them!

OP - if you go back into a fulltime job can you afford daytime and evening nannies? That's what a friend of mine who is in a city law firm while her dh is in a bank does.

IF you want an inhouse job, I think you need to go for full time (the hours should be fairly fixed, with the understanding that if you need to work outside those hours you will do so from home in the evening) - and once you've been there for a while and proven yourself, hopefully you'll be able to persuade them a flexible working arrangement of 4 days a week would work. In the current environment, without previous inhouse experience and a gap in your cv, I think you'll find it hard to find a 3 day a week in house job.

Or go back to your old firm on a fixed hours or part time deal to build up your cv again - or even on a short term contract (again for a few days a week if you can) - to build up your cv while you continue to work.

FWIW I'm a corporate lawyer, on fixed hours 5 days a week in a city firm, and DH is a former lawyer, now invetment banker. I have a 1 year old and a 4 year old and a fabulous nanny who is flexible and will work late on the occasions when due to deal requirements I have to work outside of my fixed hours - and I have good remote access for those times when I have to work when the kids are asleep. It is doable.

Thank you all for your comments and advice. It's reassuring to hear from others in similar situations and to hear how you deal with it.

I know in my heart of hearts that I want to have it all (ie have a great career but also spend time with my children) and it's just not realistic (although, having said that, I don't see why a 'great' career needs to be a full-time one but hey that's what the majority of the city think!) I spoke to my mum about it- she worked full time when I was younger- and she said that I can always get my career back, but I won't be able to get my children's early years back, so to think carefully about my choice.

I'm fortunate that we can cope financially if I don't go back to work, so I think I am going to take some time and perhaps see about doing some contract work to get some in-house experience on my CV and that all important foot in the door. I'm actually still technically employed by by old firm- just working out my notice at the moment, so hopefully any gap in my CV would be fairly short. I should find out tomorrow about a role in a local firm which is fixed term but may be extended. Fingers crossed!

Thank you again.

Have you looked elsewhere in the city apart from your previous firm? I have an employment partner here (City office of national firm) who works 4 days a week - not exactly part-time, but still...

I would also say that you will not manage a demanding job unless your DH also picks up some of the child care slack from time to time. If you are always the one who has to go when baby is sick or the child care fails, yes, your career will suffer.

I've worked FT since having both my DCs. DS1 is 7 now. We use a nanny. We had a nanny share at first, which was a good source of back up child care (4 parents if nanny was sick rather than just the two). When Ds1 started school the other mums were great at looking after Ds2 when needed. I return the favour by babysitting at weekends/ running lifts to birthday parties etc.

Blackberries and remote access seem like a pain at times but it is all so much more do-able from home than it was 7 years ago.

could you go self employed - think flowery beanbag does something similar from HR side. I went through employment dispute myself last year and would have considered appointing a solicitor like yourself. Don't know how this works from proffessional/indemnity point of view though.

I sympathise. I'm a solicitor and I work in local government, which I've done for all of my career.I went part time (4 days a weeks) after DS1 (6) then went full time again and am due to go back four days a weeks after DS 2 (10 months) in September. I will also be remote working for part of that time. LA's employ quite a lot of people part time because they recognise that by giving flexibility in the workplace employees remain loyal and committed to the job.

It's not as glam as private practice but it has enabled mne to continue a career I enjoy, without feeling that I'm not seeing my boys IYKWIM?

I know some people who moved from city law to working for a legal publication, editing/writing managing etc. Just wanted to mention it as a possible alternative - there are other things you can do with law than be a lawyer, IYSWIM.

Having said that, they are in their 40s - you might feel there is more law in you yet!

Best of luck.

Hello again, thank you all so much for taking the time to share your thoughts. Definitely food for thought. I'm not the type of person who would be averse to checking blackberry etc on my days off... it's just getting the job in the first place that is so tricky..... here's hoping.