Having mini melt down today , need some help

[slumped]

This may seem a right ramble , but I just need to get it out. I have my own business, and have a little childcare for my dd23mths. We dont have the finances to pay for any more time than 4 hrs a wk for her. I have a large job on at the moment, my 1st real big one and Im about 8 weeks into it and im feeling very drained as I have to get so much done with little time for rest and a break from it. I cram in so much in one week , and try and do a lot in the mornings whislt she plays or when shes asleep in the afternoon. I also do more at weekends. Dd also gets dragged all over for appoitnments.

Im not sure if its that my Af is due or that its all just piled up on me , but im just getting into an emotional state about getting everything done and well. Ive spent the morning crying my eyes out and my dd just comes and rubs my arm and says "mummy crying" and then she laughs cos I think she thinks Im laughing. Which makes me feel awful that shes seeing me get like this. I dont seem to have /make any time for friends and socialising , (nice mummy things like going to the park), or even some time to get my hair done or have a massage.

Im forever having to pour over spreadsheets(mainly cos I dont find it easy and have a lot of money to manage for the job) or on the phone chasing qoutes and final prices. Ive got tons of letters & cheques to send out(Ive even had a chasing money letter today which really set me off).I have no energy or time to do it, I have dd at home all day today. IM exausted but dont have the energy to work on any solutions. IM not sure why ive posted here , havent for some months now. Im not sure I even want solutions , just somewere I can may be talk to others feeling the same and can commiserate , give encouragement.

I know Im getting run down as my hairs going lank and I have this tense dark look about my face.

I spose Im also upset with myself for not coping,(I had a much more intense responsibilty in previous career b4 dd), but its such a great opportunity and I will be so proud when its all complete, but Im dreading all the next stages.

right so if you get the next one will you be able to afford proper full time care for your dd?

and do you think you could afford it now - could you send her to the chilminder for 2 days a week and cut down on food? just to get you through this.

is it an option to give up entirely and look after dd at home for a year?

do you mean until nursury? I spose I just needed something to make me feel like I was using grey cels as was going mad b4 , but going mad doing this also !!!! cant win !

I think I will deffo factor in chilcare for the next one.

I wanted to ttc end of year too ! Spose if I take on this next contract Ill have to wait till after!!!! I just cant let this next opportunity go, its to big a deal for me and my business growth.

if you dont need to work I would stop for a while.

if its any help I worked freelance when dd1 was about this age and it was horrible. I gave up and got a mellow part time job when she was a bit older.

i have to go now but I'll check back later.

Im not able to stop yet as currant contract not finished. I was so excited to get the call for the next one,although havent been taken on YET, just meeting the clients this week. I just couldnt believe my luck I was soooo excited and what an opportunity it is. It would be a shame not to do it. But your right dd is still very young, why d we feel we can do it all ??????If I gave up I will feel a bit lost , Im not good at home alone, although I find doing work most of week quite isolating. See how confused am I!

thanx for chatting with me Enid.

anyone else I can winge with?

You need to manage your client's expectations I think. STOP and arrange a meeting with her to talk about

What you have agreed to do
What is POSSIBLE in the time allowed (may be entirely different from above)
What you are prepared to do and when
When the end will be.

Don't take on another role until you've established that a. you can afford childcare while you're working: you cannot take your child to work with you, it's not practical and b.you'll make a profit (or, if that's not the aim, you at least won't give yourself a breakdown in the process of trying to work).

Really, you need to re negotiate imo. HTH.

thanx www , I think its hard to review it that way as some is my fault , as I never did set out at the start a formal contract. So nothing was put in writing. I was going into this quite blind really. I think there were lots of assumptions from both sides. Thats why its so hard to now define it several months in and only 7 weeks to go!! and several nights scanning the internet to see how other firms do what Im doing.

Hey, well you know what you'll do differently next time! Even if it's partly your fault, it doesn't stop you being able to renegotiate imo - if it's not in writing from your side then it isn't from hers either!