Has anybody gone back to full time work after being a SAHM for a long time?

[cherryandalmondtart]

My youngest DC will be at full time school from January 2011. By that time I will have been full time SAHM for 8 years and therefore out of the workforce and my profession for the same amount of time.

I am getting extremely bored at home and am really looking forward to going back to work, but think it might be easier in terms of finding a job to go back full time as there are very few part time positions in my field. But it will be a huge shock to the system for all of us if I went back full time. The DC's are used to having me around all the time and I am used to having a lot of time to myself whilst the DC's are at school and nursery and no real pressure on me to do anything really, apart from school runs/meals etc.

Has anybody gone from being full time SAHM to full time work? Did you survive? If so please tell me how you did it and the impact it had on your family.

TIA

I went back to part-time (mornings only) work a few months ago after being a SAHM for almost 11yrs. Yes it is hard and yes you do have to juggle your time a lot more. I went back to work for different reasons - money, confidence and general self esteem and I also wanted my identity back rather than being 'Mum'. I went back to a job that I'd never done before (care work - home help for the elderly/infirm) - prior to having my DDs I was a PA. I love my job - yes it can be tiring, patience testing but it is also very rewarding. I wanted to bring money back into the house again - my confidence sky-dived whilst being a SAHM where work environments were concerned so this line of work is ideal because I go to the client's homes....it's great to be back 'out there' and bringing some money home again. I do find though that I have to be very organised at home and I try to make sure the house is tidy in the mornings before I leave with the kids for school so its reasonably tidy when I get home later in the day.

Having said all that - would I go back to work full-time?...No, I don't think I could....I need those precious couple of hours to myself each afternoon (after I finish work and before I pick the kids up) to catch up with myself!

Yes I have done it several times in the last 6 years but only after shorted breaks (2 years max). There is no denyting that it is tiring and I think it only works if:

1. you are very self motivated and convinced this is the right thing to do, and willing to stick it out to make it work;

2. have a supportive employer and/or other half - or a supportive mechanism around you which basically acts as a substitute to some of what you were doing before;

3. you set yourself short term goals; ie holidays to look forward to, setting a small amount of money to do something you wanted to do etc

4. you realise that it will be a steep adjustment initially but it will get easier, provided all the above is in place.

When I went back to work full time I got a cleaner AND a very supportive DH AND a supportive/flexi arrangement with my employer. All three really helped.

GOOD LUCK!!!
xxxx

I went back last year after 6 years at home, loved it, loved the siocial life, the friends who don't even know about your kids and are definatly not interested in them, loved using my brain, loved getting a pay check.
I am however being made redundant next week and going back to being a sahm as my youngest dc dons't klike me being at work, will l9ook again when she starts school in Jan.

I am going back part time (2-3 days a week) soon after over 6 years as a SAHM. Part of the reason it has taken me so long to go back is that I have only applied for part time posts which are rare in my field. Personally I would not have considered going from being a SAHM to full time worker as I think that would be to the detriment of everyone in the family, me, DH and the DC in terms of stress, lack of time, DC spending a lot of time in childcare. But I can see in your situation if full time is the only way you can get back into your field, it might be the right thing to do in the long term.

Thanks for all your replies, sorry I disappeared yesterday.

What you have said has confirmed what I have been thinking and dita everything you have described is what I am hoping for. So sorry you have been made redundant.

emy thanks for your list, very useful. I think you're right in that I need to find a job that I am passionate about, otherwise the stress of it all just won't be worth it.

kamer I am going to look for part time posts as well, but don't want to restrict myself to part time posts only as it may mean a long long time before I find a job.

whispywhisp i can completely relate to the nosediving confidence about being in a work environment, me too.

I am also worried about when I have a 'down' day (like today), when I just feel awful and down and feel thankful I don't have to go to work as well as do the school run etc. I suppose you just have to try and get through the day as best you can even if you feel awful inside. At least being a SAHM, I can hide at home when I don't feel too good, but then I wonder whether being a SAHM is what is making me feel down........

Interesting thread - I have been meaning to start a similar one for ages!

I have gone back very part-time (again to something different to what I used to do and not terribly demanding) but probably really need to get a job with more hours and/or that will stretch me more.... Personally I think I would find it too stressful to do more than three days but having said that, I often find I get quite a bit done around the house on the days I work because I have to be focussed and organised on those days.

I worry how I would cope at stressful times - eg the run up to Christmas when I often feel that I don't have time to work!

My main problem is finding something that I would feel passionate about - I think if I could do that I would actually contemplate going back full-time. And that rules out what I used to do, which of course is the area I have the most experience in and (in theory) should be the type of job I could find again...

Decorate, hi and I can totally identify with your final paragraph. I don't actually want to go back to my old profession. But I don't know what else to do, in all this time of being at home I thought I would discover an inner passion about something..........but I haven't and now I feel i might as well go back to what I did before because as you said that is "the area I have the most experience in and (in theory) should be the type of job I could find again..."

Cherry

i was a SAHM for 18 years, bringing up 4 children, before returning to paid employment.

The job I applied for was advertised as full time, but when I was offered it I asked for ot to be a job share and my employers agreed.

I've posted before about returning to the work force after SAHMing but the thing that really helped me build confidence and a CV was doing constructive voluntary work.In my case I trained as an advisor with the CAB, and was a volunteer for around 3 years, before taking up my paid job ( not within the CAB )

But there are lots of other charities that run well regarded training too, such as Homestart,or alternatively need back office support.

Perhaps the skills from your previous profession may be much appreciated by a local charity?

If you can afford not to earn money yet, you could regard this unpaid phase as being the equivelent of paying out for training.

good luck

Hi there,
just to say I do sympathise. I am in a similar position, wanting to return to work as a clinical psychologist after 3 years at home. The few and far between jobs coming up in the NHS are all full time. Feels so disheartening and worry il ever get back in now after years of training. Ive loved being at home but an going absolutely KERAZY now! and need to go back for my sanity.. keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Hi -
also in the same position of having been a SAHM around 5 years now.

iwastooearly - I did read a post by you on another thread where you recommended volunteering with the CAB and it persuaded me to give it a go and I am now just starting adviser training - so thanks for that! CAn I be nosey and ask if the job you went for is doing advice work of some kind?
TIA

Vintage

So good to hear about the CAB, it really is the most amazing service and the training is second to none. I loved every minute of it as each case was challenging and stimulating.

I do work as an advisor but with a local authority,in a more specialist field,(social services) but work opportunties come up in charities, the CAB and student services too.

The pay is just above the national average but not enough to live the high life

A friend of ours is an MP and worked in the CAB for several years, he is of the view that the CAB should be compulsory training for all MPs as it really is the real deal.

I've been a SAHM for 15 years, and am also about to start CAB training.

As others have said, I assumed I'd get a burning desire to do a particular job or learn a particular skill after some time at home (in fact, thinking about this has often got me through a bad phase in the past), but it hasn't happened.

I'm hoping this will at least give me back some of the confidence I've lost, and maybe flag up some passion or skill that I've been unaware of until now.

I'm also considering a Masters degree if I can get accepted - although I'm a bit scared I'm just grappling around for a course to do and will hate it in a short time or fail dismally.

Anyway, I know I don't want to look back in 15 years' time and regret that I didn't even try to get back out there - just wanted to say that really, and good luck to anyone else in the same position.

Ourlady

I hope you love it!

You will meet the most amazing and challenging people, and it will be intellectually stimulating too.

Confidence does wither over time but it just needs a bit of stimulation to make it flourish!

Aww thanks.

Iwastooearly - thanks for answering - it's great to hear that it worked out well for you and that the training is so well regarded. Am looking forward to it.

Vintage

Good luck, I hope you really enjoy it!

lots to learn and a bit scary, especially 'going solo' for the first few times, but hopefully your bureau will have a good training coordinator, and some others training with you.

This thread is very timely. I have a part time job interview on Tuesday having been a SAHM for 15 years. Over the years my confidence has plummeted, particularly recently, and I have become increasingly withdrawn socially. I hate feeling worthless and dread being asked what I do or if I work. Child care (especially) during longer than average school holidays has always been a problem that I haven't been able to solve as we have no local relative and DH works on a daily rate and doesn't get paid if he takes time off to child mind. I have also had health problems following a number of operations which have prevented me from returning to work before now.

However, my youngest DC started secondary school last September and is able to travel there independently so my day at home is much longer than when he was at junior school. If I work part time, he is old enough (13 in November) and sensible enough to be left at home with (or without) his 16 year old brother for a few hours.

I really need to force myself back into the workplace before I end up hibernating permanently but I am terrified. I don't actually want to work but neither do I want not to work IYSWIM. I am astounded that I have even managed to get an interview and have low expectations of being offered the job. It feels like a huge risk to attend an interview and then face the rejection of being declined the post but what other option do I have. I know I sound over dramatic but my self esteem is so fragile. I need a huge kick up the arse don't I. In the current job climate I am very privileged to have the opportunity of being interviewed and I shall talk myself into a positive frame of mind tomorrow.

Iwastooearly and OurLady your stories have really encouraged me to see that my situation isn't completely unusual. In fact thank you everyone on this thread . Now quick, someone wish me luck for Tuesday!

Good luck for Tuesday!
Encouraging that you've achieved an interview on your first attempt - do you mnd if I ask what sort of work it is?
I know what you mean about thinking you're the only one - I often feel like a complete abberation!
Hope it goes well for you.

I also had about 8 years off then returned part time a couple of years ago.

I was lucky in that I found a course at the local FE College for 'Women Returners'. It was one morning a week for 10 weeks and was partly practical (CVs/forms/interviews technique etc) and partly about yourself - highlighting your stengths and so on. REally, really useful on many levels.
And it was completely free.

Do you have anything like that where you are?

"Over the years my confidence has plummeted, particularly recently, and I have become increasingly withdrawn socially. I hate feeling worthless and dread being asked what I do or if I work."

I could have written this. I did manage to get back to work when my youngest was 3, nine years ago now. Stuck it for one year, when my feet didn't touch the floor. Zero support from DH.

Ran my own business for 5 years, but made zero money, so gave it up.

Now stuck. Kids still have activities at 4pm, and during day in school holidays, so that buggers up a full time job.

I was in IT, so after 16 years am completely out of date.

I'm currently pretending I am writing a novel, but who am I kidding?

Thank you OurLady I have given a lot of thought to what type of part time work to look for. My main background is in the life assurance and pensions industry (yawn)and I was a financial and mortgage adviser for many years but my industry qualifications are well out of date and I have no desire to return to that field anyway.

When DH and I were planning on ttc I worked part time for 18 months or so as a receptionist in a GP surgery. Although I have 'on paper' worked as Company Secretary etc for DH's company (he is self employed with no employees) since the DCs were born the job at the GP surgery is my last proper employment. A few weeks ago I applied for three part time NHS clerical type jobs (each with a different NHS trust as it happens) and the interview is for the first one of these. I haven't heard about the other two. Due to a spectrum of surgical procedures and a variety of related health problems I have benefited quite extensively from the excellent services of the NHS in the last few years and I figured that even that experience (from the patient's side of the desk) would be vaguely relevant!

Greenshadow I have often thought that I should do a course but that prospect scares me as much as a job so I decided to try and jump that step . I couldn't drum up enough motivation I suppose; a combination of fear and laziness ...

Butterbur don't be so hard on yourself! You have at least tried and obviously expended considerable emotional energy trying to find a solution to working whilst being a SAHM. It takes great courage, imagination and hard work to start and run your own business. I'm sorry it didn't turn out to be profitable; but how amazing that you succeeded in giving it a go ...far better to have tried I say. So, on that basis, stay optimistic and the very best of luck with the novel

copycat

best of luck for tomorrow!

Your experience as a 'service user' is extremely relevant and also the wisdom you have discovered over the years.
Have a think tonight about 'equality issues'in terms of understanding the requirement for you to put aside race, sexual orientation, age and gender in ensuring that all people have equality of access to the services the practice provides.
You may need to suggest that you need some training in 'diversty awareness' in order to understand this area better.
Also stress that as a mother you have developed the skill of grace under pressure, and an ability to keep calm, priortise and be concientious.

Reflect in your skills as you have acquired and give them a name!!

best wishes!

I've had a look at the returners course on my local college website, and it looks quite appealing - not pressured and supportive, by the look of things.
Might be an idea for you, Butterbur, at least as a starting point.

And I'm wondering if there might not be some kind of teaching role you could look in to - TA, for example - doesn't pay brilliantly, but the hours can fit in with your needs and lots of people find it immensely satisfying.

Thank you Iwastooearly both for your helpful advice and good luck wishes