Help - I want to go back to my old job but I just don't feel I can leave my 7.5 month old baby in nursery 4 days a weeek. No parents are nearby, I've tried childminders but there aren't any in my area (very rural). The nursery is lovely but it's busy and noisy and I'm worried for him. I had the same worries for my 3 year old toddler and always found the guilt so hard.
I'm due to go back at the beginning of July. I was due to go back earlier than this but I asked to do a month of 2 days a week and then 3 days a week until Sept as I don't have full childcare until then. My work have just said that I can have the 2 days per week but then have to go back full time and take a/l. But that would leave me with virtually no leave left by Sept! Not a very good idea. so I have put back my start date until July
I feel totally isolated over this. My job keeps me feeling professional, successful etc. I have never felt totally comfortable being a Mum and never like a natural Mum. But I feel torn between 2 worlds - I feel guilty for leaving my children but I really love my job. The whole situation depresses me. I've just returned from a meeting with work in floods of tears. I feel they don't want me to be able to do my job which is quite senior and have children as well. I'm sure it can be done!!
Sorry for the moan but I just can't seem to find a solution at the moment. I did wonder about a nanny, but is that realistic for 2-3 days per week?