Wanting to work - baby 6 weeks old

[HappyMoose]

Hello, my baby is 6 weeks old and I'm suffering from boredom. Don't get me wrong - I love my baby and enjoy being with him, but I'm not using my brain intellectually. I had a really fun/social/responsible job, and I'm missing the mental stimulation, doing something that's not baby focused, and having responsibility for something outside the home. Has anyone else felt this way? Are there any solutions? Has anyone used there 'keeping in touch days' to do some work? Or worked in some way whilst the baby was young...I'm on SMP, which I guess might be affected if I try to work at all.
I really want to address this before it starts affecting me, to the point where it gets in the way of my relationship with my son, which is great at the moment. Thank you...

As an alternative to returning to work, try doing some volunteering instead. It might be more flexible than paid emplyment.

I joined my local NCT committee and thoroughly enjoyed organising events, working out finances, thinking about advertising, newsletter articles etc.(plus it got me out of the house without DD)

Could you do some work related course? Your employer might even pay.

Are you sure its not PND? 6 weeks is a bit early to be bored. I felt the same after 2(!) weeks with my first baby and in hindsight it was the beginning of PND. It was not work I wanted, but escape from the baby and all the sudden responsibility.

I think if you are genuinly bored, then there are lots of way you can stimulate your brain at home. Its not just work which can give us intellectual stimulation......Read a book, listen to a good radio programme, follow the news (especially exciting at the moment I think), go out and have lunch with friends/former work colleagues.........I suspect going out to meet other people would be a good start.

I worked for 3 hours a week when DS was 12 weeks old. But it was my second job so didn't affect my SMP and a short walk from home. I couldn't have done more.

Will your boss let you do a couple of hours a week?

This might not be that helpful, but you may find that this is a temporary feeling that passes quite soon. I remember having a massive craving for intellectual stimulation when DS was about 2 weeks old... and looking into courses, jobs etc! Now DS is 6 months and I don't feel bored at all (and haven't for ages)! I satisfied my cravings at the time by reading (academic books, poetry, challenging fiction) whilst DS was breastfeeding.

I now have more time to read, write, speak to other adults etc when DS is in bed, and I feel more satisfied and calm. DS is also much more complex in many ways, and that keeps me on my toes! I would pursue stimulation in other ways for now as Fairymum suggested. Then you can see if you still feel the same in a few weeks. Things change so quickly in the first few months, IME. If you still want to work then, maybe you could do some keeping in touch work from home?

6 week old babies are pretty dull, but they do start to get more interesting and need more interaction later. I read the papers (been following the election avidly), listen to talk radio around the house and read books to keep my brain active.

Its also good to meet up with other mums, many of who are in the same situation - you can steer the conversation away from the baby stuff onto more interesting topics.

It is early days and you are still recovering, mentally and physically, from giving birth and having a new baby. It is a big adjustment, especially if you do enjoy your work.

Try to structure your day more - get out and about, meet people, use spare time to read. Hop on the bus or train and wander round an art gallery (is easy while they are small and sleepy!). Use the time you've got to explore the non-working world - I was amazed at how many people of all ages are not at work during the day!

I used to feel quite panicky when DH left for the day, because of the great void ahead until he returned home that evening. But from now (6 wks), getting out and about get easier, and you'll be able to make more of a life for yourself, rather than retreating into the comfort zone of work to provide structure and stimulation.

I used 7 KIT days in 12 months, and also did a lot of fundraising for a hospital - helped organised a ball mainly. Helped keep me sane, and enjoy time with my son. He was a lot more time consuming and interesting by the time he was 6 months old.

Congratualtions on your arrival!

I think what you are feeling is quite normal and agree that six week old babies are not the most scintillating company (but then neither are my colleagues....)

I used several of my KIT days early on, usually as half days going to meetings. I took my baby in with me and she generally found a knee to bounce on or slept in her car seat! Another friend had a weekly meeting by video conference and another worked remotely when her baby slept and went into the office once a week. I suppose it depends on the job you do as some jobs are less flexible than others(violinist? heart surgeon?).

Volunteering is a great idea. I struggled with feeling guilty that everyone was out working and I was loping around the park. But once I got over the mindset that the only useful work is paid work, I have become involved in our local NCT and local politics and feel far more 'interested and interesting' than when I was working full time.

Finally, it does get better! Stay busy, meet other mums and join random 'baby improvement' classes, not for them but for you! Once they are a little more responsive it is much more fun to be home with a baby and you may feel quite different.

Good luck, and do what feels best for you. If you want to go to work and can find a way to do it,give it a go.

Hi everyone. Thanks for you advice. I'm glad I'm not the only one that finds a six week olds company all day, rather dull - it's one of those things that it's prob taboo to say. It's probably harder because my job was so much fun! I don't think staying at home and reading etc is going to do it for me. I might look into volunteering in something non-baby related, perhaps some evening stewarding at my local theatre, as that's the area I work in. I don't have anyone to look after son in the daytime so paid work (or evening volunteering)is the only real option for a break, else I won't be able to afford childcare....hmm probably am prone to a bit of PND, all the more reason to get some balance back I think....

Hello HappyMoose. I hope this isn't a terrible thing to say (it probably is) but I found maternity leave desperately boring. From start to finish. However, one difference between us is that it took me quite a while to admit how bored I was, even to myself! It didn't go away as my DD got older, and although it was great seeing friends and getting out and doing stuff, I fould that it could fill some time but it didn't really alleviate the overall boredom. That's not because my friends are boring though! I think it's partly because in comparison I find my job very interesting.

Anyway, I actually started work for my old employer after six weeks, which was brilliant, I committed to a number of hours per week and it worked fine, I did it when my DD was asleep. Sort of. And it wasn't desperately challenging work so it was OK. However, we had a VERY flexible arrangement. Eventually I got a different job which was full-time. I did and do feel very guilty about it but even now when my DD is 2, I still don't particularly enjoy full days at home just the two of us although I want to emphasise here (obviously!) how very much I love and adore my DD. So, I really hope that this isn't the beginning of PND for you and it's great to have that warning. But I just thought I'd add my thoughts in case the boredom doesn't get better, to let you know that you're not alone!

I started work again after two months after both babies.
I don't know if I had PND - don't think so - but kept finding myself completely paralysed, would wake out of a sort of trance after unknown lengths of time sitting next to the baby, worrying about whether to put the washing on, do the washing up, play with the baby, clean the flat or do something else - and being capable of doing nothing at all. Sort of zombie-like state. This vanished when I took on a bit of work because I had to organise myself.

I am very lucky in that I am self-employed and work from home, so could take as much or as little work as I wanted (at first 3-4 hours a day, but that included BFs), and have the luxury of going for cuddles/BF whenever I wanted, and could hear them all the time. In fact when DD1 was tiny the childminder/nanny and I were in the same room unless DD was asleep! because at the time we lived in a two-room flat.

Could you maybe do something like write programme notes (don't know what role you had in the theatre - oops, sorry really no pun intended there!) or research, something you could do as and when baby is sleeping.

I know where you're coming from.
Good luck.

HappyMoose - maternity leave a much over-rated concept IMO. A year off? ... great for those who never actually liked their job that much anyway (and have a DH who can pay the bills whilst they enjoy themselves eating cake)!!! However, if you do like your job then why not test the waters a bit with some P-T hours and see where you want to go from there, once you've found childcare you like.

If you are bored then I suggest that you learn a musical instrument or do an evening class. I learnt the guitar and did a course in British Sign language during my maternity leave.

Six weeks is really soon to go back to work and you would find it hard to find childcare that would take a baby at such a young age.

You do have my sympathies. I returned to work at 9 months as I was going insane with boredom.

dear Mrs Baldwin, jessia and mystro

I can't thank you enough for being honest about how you felt - i know i'm not alone now. i can stop thinking "what have i done"...and just focus on returning some balance to my life sp i can enjoy my ds more. i do love my ds, but this domestic life just doesn't compare to my job, which was head of marketing for a theatre. i might see if i can get some copywriting/marketing work which i can partly at least do from home. i've started ds partly on formula now so I can start getting my freedom back a bit at least. the next challenge is childcare and then finding work. they have replaced me at work with maternity cover so i think i'll be lucky to get anything from them...but it's worth a shot. Hanging out with other people who just want to talk about babies, or taking up a hobby just isn't me, i just need to work...

thank you again

x

Mrs Baldwin, I am taking 18 months off, luckily have a DH that can pay the bills, but I don't sit around eating cake. Just for the record.
OP, although I didn't feel as you do, I don't think you should feel guilty for feeling as you do.
As long as you and your DS are happy and healthy, to heck with what others think.
Good luck

Hello again HappyMoose! Seeing as this is a subject close to my heart, I just wanted to add that I'm expecting a second baby soon and the idea of another x months totally off work fills me with dread, so this time I'm organising myself to work (flexibly) asap. I think it's interesting how maternity rights (which I think are brilliant and progressive by the way) also come with a certain expectation that one would want to take close to the max time off, given the choice, when that's not always absolutely the case. When I mention my choice to return relatively quickly people often feel that they have to counsel me by saying that i shouldn't feel pressured etc etc. It's OK, I don't!!

Also, I should think you're aware by now that this can become a really contentious topic! I have found that it's hard for one mother to talk about being bored at home without other mothers feeling like that is a comment on them, even when it's very definitely not! One person I mentioned it too said, oh well, I'm lucky in that I've got lots of friends. That put me in my place! Anyway, I find that I sometimes have to avoid the subject with friends who have made different choices - although I do discuss it with my sister who finds being at home as boring as I do!

Good luck with everything!

Thanks Mystro. I think that's the benefit of hindsight - If I'd known I was going to feel this way I would definatley have organised something with my employer around flexi-working. It's great that you've decided to do what you want rather than cave in to societies pressures and stay at home. Surely a happy mum = a happy family life. I have friends coming over on Wed and I'm already thinking can I even mention this without them being offended / horrified etc....even though (as you say) it's no judgement on them. Maybe I'll limit my venting to mumsnet :-)

Maybe it's time to compose an email to my boss and see what comes back!

It's understandable not to have arranged to keep doing some work beforehand. I had no idea I'd feel the way I do and only organised something as I needed the money at that point more than anything. Turns out it suited me but that was luck rather than planning. Hope it works out for you whatever you end up doing.

I also found it a bit boring at this stage.. passed at around 3 months for me, though.. then I swung from desperately wanting to be back in work to desperately wanting to be a SAHM!

I am currently on maternity leave and my 3rd child is 8 weeks. I loved my first maternity leave and never wanted to go back to work, I'd been made redundant before my 2nd maternity leave so didn't have a job to go back to but this time I'm desperately missing work. I only work 15 hours a week but it's a great job and just enough to keep my brain ticking over and although I adore my baby it's pretty boring being at home 5 days a week with him. I know that as he gets older he'll be more interesting and I'll be going back to work just as he starts to get really fun but I'd happily do a few hours here and there from now on and I definately don't have PND.