Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Flip

Original poster

Leaving DS with grandparents, instead of nursery

15 replies

thisxgirl · 10/05/2010 21:31

I return to work three days a week in August, when DS will have just turned one year old.

My mum and stepdad are both retired and bored out of their minds and really want to take care of him while I work. Especially so as they know I am anxious about nursery fees. They are 63 and 70 and in pretty good health between them.

Do you think this is a good idea? They intend to take him to lots of activities and centres where he can interact with other babies/toddlers, which has been concerning me.

OP posts:

Original poster

thisxgirl · 10/05/2010 21:33

Sorry, by 'concerning me' I meant that I'm eager for him to mix with other babies and worry that the grandparent option is more isolating for him.

OP posts:

Maveta · 10/05/2010 21:35

3 days might be too much for them but it really depends on how their general health/energy is. Maybe they could start having him for 1 day on a regular basis soonish so they can get a realistic idea of how much work it would be and take it from there?

Eglu · 10/05/2010 21:37

I think it will be lovely for your DS. He is only young and doesn't need huge amounts of interaction with other children just yet. A couple of toddler groups would be plenty for him, and you pareents are happy to do that.

Maveta · 10/05/2010 21:38

personally i wouldn´t worry about the social aspect of nursery for him, at his age he is much more likely to enjoy being with them and having the odd playgroup, i think the issue is whether they really are up to maintaining 3 full days a week with an energetic (and increasingly so) toddler. You don´t want to go back to work and find a wee while later they have had enough and you have to go through finding a nursery and settling him in while working.

kittens · 10/05/2010 21:39

My DD1 had a mix of Nursery and my parents. She hated nursery and loved being with my parents so we ended up taking her out of nursery. There are plenty of playgroups and Childrens centres around so you DS should be able to see plenty of other children. My Dd1 is 7 now and really close to my Mum she still remembers being looked after by her as a child so it does build a real bond. My Dad has now passed away, but out of all the grandchildren she speaks about him the most, which is really lovely.

I don't think the grandparent option is isolating and if I were still working it is what I would pick for DD2.

feedthegoat · 10/05/2010 21:41

I think there are always advantages and disadvantages to all childcare options.

I went back to work 2 days a week when ds was one and my mum and mil offered to have ds for a day each.

It worked really well for us and ds has a great relationship with both of them.

On the other hand, my mum has him both days now as she is local and he is at pre school in a morning. She is a very young and active 53 year old (most people are suprised she has a 34 year old daughter ) but she says those two days on the trot tire her out. She does have her own business though so works hard the rest of the week too.

It can work well and if they are happy to do it I would give it a try. However, I would keep an eye on them and have a back up plan if you think it is all getting too much for them.

emy72 · 10/05/2010 21:42

Hmmm I think 3 days is quite a lot to expect on a regular basis....they do get very very energetic and demanding as they get closer to two...

maybe you could mix it and match it and do 2 mornings at nursery so that they all get a break. Also, if they get ill/want a holiday/need a break then you have something to fall back on.

I agree with the others that they don't need much social interaction yet but at two they would and that would soon come round!!

Dysgu · 10/05/2010 21:43

My mum is 61 and has 2DDs one day a week. She has done so for 3 years - starting with only DD1.

She seems to love it and DDs love their time with her but she does find it exhausting sometimes! She often says she wishes she had become a grandma at a younger age! She also says she worries more about her GC than she ever did when we were small - and this only adds to the stress! She used to have DN one day a week and always made sure she had a full day 'off' between days to recover!

I agree with Maveta that trying him with them for 1 day already will give them an insight into what it might actually be like.

wonderingwondering · 10/05/2010 21:43

He really will be fine with his GPs, especially if you are home a couple of days a week to take him to see your friends etc. Once he gets to 2/2.5 he (and your parents!) might benefit from the structure and interaction a nursery offers, maybe for a couple of half-days per week.

The most important thing for a baby at that age (and for you when you leave him to go to work) is to feel secure and loved, and his GPs can offer that, no problem. And there's also the benefit that if he's very slightly under the weather (minor upset tum, teething) you can still leave him and go to work, whereas a nursery might refuse to take him.

feedthegoat · 10/05/2010 21:43

There were always plenty of grandparents at the mums and tots group I went to. My mum also used to spend time with her friend her looked after her grandson on the same days too.

Maveta · 10/05/2010 21:44

agree with everyone else. My mum looked after ds from 5-11mths about 5 hours a day and it was enough for her. she looked after my nephew full time for almost a year and it was too much for her, she now does 3 full days and 2 afternoons and finds it more manageable, she is 58. The kids do thrive in that environment vs nursery or ours did anyway, I guess it depends on the child and the grandparents though. It does nurture an incredible bond between them though and my parents moved away over a year ago, we see them about every 2 months and they are still a really central part of ds´life.

potplant · 10/05/2010 21:45

We did a mix of parents and nursery.
Just as well as when my FIL retired they went to Oz and NZ for 6 weeks. If I hadn't had nursery as a back up I don't know what I would have done.

You need to consider what your back up plan is if they are unwell or want to go on holiday.

Montifer · 10/05/2010 21:51

My Mum and Dad looked after DS for 3 days a week when I returned to work when he was 12 months old.
They are both early 60's and in good health.

It was actually due to me having made a major cock up with nursery planning and we entered into the arrangement knowing that he had a nursery place available when he turned 18 months old.

TBH it was the best possible scenario and made my return to work so much easier than I think it would have been if I had been settling him into nursery as well as going back to work after a year off (I recognise I was very PFB about him starting nursery).

By the time his nursery place became available I felt he was more ready for it, more mobile and confident with other toddlers.
My Mum and Dad loved having him so much they offered / asked to still have him 1 day a week.
DS has a lovely relationship with my parents and their home is definitely his second home.

If it is an option could they have DS for a few months whilst you settle back into work and he gets used to you being away from you for a few days a week but still has loving family as his main carers; then consider starting some nursery days so your folks aren't tied to 3 day a week childcare indefinitely?

violethill · 11/05/2010 18:37

I agree with potplant - don't put all your eggs in one basket, have a back up plan. Your parents may be recently retired and bored right now, but they may develop other interests, or want to travel, and 3 days every week is a big commitment. If you combine with nursery, your ds will develop confidence and become secure in both settings so that if your parents can't look after him, or become unwell, then it isn't a case of starting all over again.

Personally I would also feel a bit uneasy to be keeping all my earnings and not paying anything for someone else to caring for my children, but if you are ok with that, and your parents are genuinely happy to do it with no strings attached then it shouldn't be a problem for you.

bowbluebell · 12/05/2010 20:44

I agree with others that this sounds like a fantastic arrangement.

DD stays with my parents for 2 days (and 1 night, I work in London) a week and it works brilliantly. Mum takes her to a toddler group, but she's just as happy pottering in the garden and Tesco with them! She has a wonderful relationship with her GPs and I never have to worry about her wellfare when I'm not with her.

Today DD was poorly and, rather than me having to rush back, she got lots of cuddles,a trip to the doctor and lots more cuddles from GPs.

I'm having a similar experience to Kittens in that my DD seems unhappy with her 1 day pw at nursery, although 3 days with GP seems too much (for then!).

Also, financially it means that most of my salary actually goes into my bank (and swiftly out again!) rather than to a nursery. Although I do pay mum £100 pm to cover travelling, food, nappies etc. I have offered to pay them the going rate, but they have kindly declined, which I appreciate greatly!

In terms of the 'social' aspects of nursery, I'm a child psychologist professionally and I assure you that babies (until about 2 and a half) don't need to mix with other babies- they need consistent and loving adult care. If you parents can do this for you, then it sounds like a great arrangement.

Flip