going back to work pregnant

[verybusyspider]

I've done this twice now, I took a years mat leave for each ds and have 3 ds's, eldest will be 4 next month, this time I've asked to take 15 wks extra mat leave to get ds1 settled at school (and 3 under 5 in childcare seems impossible, I can't even find a nanny... I was supprised this would be cheaper than a CM) and I'd like dc4 - our last - with the age gaps we have (18months between each) I'd like a 2yr gap between ds3 and dc4 but it would mean going back to work preg again which would, understandly, be very unpopular, I don't expect my line manager to say it to me but I know it could affect how my work progress in the future.

I want to work part time - 3 days a week - I'd like to do (try) to do this with 4dcs too... its silly (maybe?) but this is one of the only things putting me off having dc4, emotionally my job is important to me too, financially we depend on it and with 3 ds's I can't afford to mess it up...

I don't really know what I'm asking, I work in a male dominated industry, I now what the 'policy' says but how much do you think this will affect my long term prospects?

anyone been in this situation or am I just crazy wanting to have small age gaps? I kind of saw having children as a chapter in our lives and then we could all grow up together, it would only be 6 yrs of having babies, guess it just seems like a lot at moment...

I am totally with you on the small age gaps - I did the same and it means your children are tending to go through the different phases together, and tbh the thought of a large age gap and always having one child who has massively different needs and wants to the others was not an attractive prospect for family life!

BUT I did this in the days when Mat Leaves were shorter, so having several children didn't mean years out of the workplace. You don't say exactly how long you have taken off, but if it's the full year, or anything approaching, then it makes a massive difference. TBH, I read your post and wondered how much you have actually been at work over the last few years!!

Obviously you have contractual rights, BUT that doesn't mean your employer is going to feel happy about it, even though technically they will have to keep to the letter of the law.

Hmm, that doesn't really answer your dilemna. I think only you can weigh it all up. Realistically, dropping to 3 days IS likely to affect your long term prospects compared to people who are working full time without the breaks, but I guess you feel there are positives to working less, so it's a case of accepting you have made that compromise.

expect to be treated like shit.
make sure you are very good at your job and completely scrupulous about every teeny tiny fragment of paperwork, keep copies of all documentation.

but good luck! maternity rights are there for a reason, they are your rights.

In many other countries you would have the right to have your job kept open for several years so this wouldn't even be an issue.
Expect to be flamed for it on here too.

I'd say it will all depend on how good you are at your job and how easy you make life for your employer.

Being blunt, you have already made life quite difficult for them by taking 3 years' maternity leave in a short space of time, and part time working will probably make things more difficult again. So I would imagine you will need to be pretty darn good at your job to outweigh that...

However, I'm sure you are excellent . And if you emphasise how important your job is to you and how much you want to keep going with it, I'd imagine that will help - at least it will help assuage any worries they will have about sorting out a p/t arrangement and then you leaving anyway.

"it will all depend on how good you are at your job"

and how good you can manage to continue being when you have 4 small children - with all the sickness, stress, sleepless nights etc that will inevitably involve.

Disagree with the comment "expect to be treated like shit" - very negative. Yes, I doubt the employer is best pleased if someone has been at home more than they've been doing the job for the last few years! Makes life very difficult and expensive. But, as you say, people have rights. With the rights come responsibilities - to do the job. It isn't the employer's problem if an employee is knackered because they've had a sleepness night. It's part of life with young kids - you just have to get on with it. I agree you should need to be very good at your job - but then so should every employee, parents aren't a special case.
If you can't do the job properly, then don't take the salary!

of course you just have to get on with it Violet .
But if your employer is already pissed off with you because you've taken your (legal) maternity leave, and decides they want to get rid of you, you may well find yourself being held to higher standards than your colleagues. Which normally you might be able to attain, but with 4 young children it will be very difficult indeed to never make a mistake because you are tired, never get called away at an inopportune moment because your child is sick and your cover has fallen through.

If the OP is going to make this work (which some people do and I hope she will) she needs to be better than her colleagues as a starting point and she also needs to think defensively. Expecting to be treated fairly is naive and lays you open.

Thank you for your feedback.
You've made some good points, I don't expect to be treated 'fairly' I dropped to 4 'days' a week after ds1 (it was actually only 5 hours on a friday so I worked a 32 hr week in 4 days) and that makes me the only p/t employee in my and wider team, but like I said its male dominated so men, generally, don't take p/t working.
To answer one question I had ds1 in 2006, took 1yr mat leave, worked 8 months, 1 yr mat leave, worked 6 months and now having another yr plus requesting extra 15 wks so effectively 16 months leave. So my employment history is I've worked for this company full time for 3 out of the last 7 yrs...

when I write it down I really wouldn't employ me I know my company is over a barrel in terms of legal obilgation which doesn't create a good feeling

I guess its a tricky balance, I'm good at my job but by no means irreplacable, I don't think many people are and it would be conceited to think it

It sounds as though you're coming at it from a realistic viewpoint then - aware that you have rights, but also aware of how your frequent and lengthy absences are impacting on the employer. TBH having come this far with the employer, you may as well keep going, do your Mat Leave and then return and be super efficient!

I liked you comment about working 3 out of the last 7 years. In my leaving speech, my boss quoted my employment history, which went something like this "has worked for the company for 900 days, been on holiday for 100 and on maternity leave for 300." I started with the company, pregnant and resigned four months after returning from my second maternity leave - not the best advert for working mums!!

You will do what you feel is right and IMO, your long term prospects are down to you. When you are ready to committ fully to your job again and compete for advancement, you will just have to get out there and prove you are the best man for the job!!

Good Luck!!