Job hunting whilst TTC (poss. IVF) - Advice please!

[extremesitting]

I was hoping one of you lovely ladies could help me with a frankly all consuming problem:

I lost my full time job last year in the recession and aside from some freelance or temping work I have pretty much been unemployed since. I assure you this isn't to do with laziness: we have been trying to conceive for two years which has brought on a terrible depression and most recently I had to have a tube removed and the other one operated on in an attempt to get it working. In short they haven't given us much hope in conceiving naturally so we are now facing into the prospect of IVF.

Financially we really can't afford for me to be at home any longer. I also know that this depression won't lift unless I get back to some sort of work. I have been reworking my CV for a while now but am somewhat paralysed to know how to move forward.

If you were in my shoes would you apply for full time positions knowing that you are actively TTC? If you knew you were going to have to take time to go for various IVF treatments as well as the downtimes to let things "stick" would you consider returning to full time employment? I have always been a loyal employee so it feels deceitful to go into a new position when my energies are concentrated elsewhere and I have learned my lesson in terms of loyalty to employer above own desire to have children. I also know how stressful IVF can be, so outside pressures from colleagues who don't know what I am going through is a terrifying prospect. Of course temping is the other option, though is not exactly a reliable income.

Finally if you know of any place help/ advice group who could help me with this dilemma I would really appreciate being pointed in the right direction. Right now I don't know which way to turn.

Sorry, in a bit of a hurry but wanted to answer.

Yes, I would look for a job if that's what you want. You don't know how long treatment will take and if/when it will be successful. Therefore, just like someone who is about to start trying to conceive naturally, I would say carry on with your normal life and look for a job.

BUT

Bear in mind that you don't, strictly speaking, have the right to time off for fertility treatment. Your employer can treat it like normal sickness absence if you are absent for treatment and, particularly as a new employee, there is no guarantee you will be paid. I would therefore focus your attention on family friendly type employers (which, fingers crossed everything goes well!, will also be better after you have the baby). Go out of your way to be as flexible as possible, offer to make up hours you miss, etc.

I'd also, being brutal, go for the big employers. They aren't as put out by a new employee effectively announcing that they are TTC. No one is allowed to discriminate, but a three man company will find it financially harder to bear, and is less likely to have the scope to be generous.

Good luck

Thanks Ribena . Its the BUT bit that I am so fearful of. Frankly the whole matter is traumatic enough without the added fear of work related showdowns. You are quite right about the size of employer though. For years now I have worked for smaller businesses which is why I didn't feel I could get on with starting my family. I will definitely focus on larger companies from here on in.

I really appreciate your advice.

I think that's definitely the way. People like NHS, local government, FTSE 100 etc won't be mega pleased about the news (let's face it, all employers would rather that we had an 'off' switch and they could store us in the cupboard til morning with no personal life), but they'll be used to it and should have policies in place.

Or, like you said, you could temp. Might mean not working at all during the treatment though, and doesn't leave you something to go back to after leave.

What Ribenaberry said. Unless you go in as tempting or fixed term contracts, you are always going to have the risk of work related showdowns - to be frank no boss is going to be thrilled for a number of reasons and so you'd need to be prepared for negative reception whatever size. Practical steps you could consider would include making it clear you'd make up time missed for scans/blood tests (eg if you can have them first thing), using some leave rather than sick leave for some of the absences and only taking off the minimum time, not numerous days after EC/ET (something your OP has suggested to me you'd be thinking of?) etc. Plus of course making yourself indispensible whilst you are there!

By way of other alternatives, have you considered if there is scope for freelancing/teaching in your field/setting up your own business etc.

It's also worth considering what the clinic is like wherever you'd go for the IVF. For example I have been through two fresh cycles while working and didn't tell anyone. This was helped by Hammersmith opening for scan appointments at 7am, which meant it was usually pretty easy to get back to work for half nine. If it looked like I was going to be late, I said I had a late-running doctor's appointment (not totally untrue).

Egg Collection/Transfer can pose more difficult questions, especially as they require more time off and you can't always know when that will be in advance. I booked my time off as holiday but said 'sorry for the awkwardness of the scheduling, it's to cover a minor hospital appointment' and no further questions were asked. If I'd taken it as sick they would've wanted to know what it was for - of course I could've said it was a cold/tummy bug. Some people do go that way though not everyone will want to.

After my last egg collection I needed a couple of days off to recover, but it's much easier (or was for me) after egg transfer. Depending on what stage the embryos are when you put them back, they're not going to implant for a while anyway, so there's not always any need to take resting time off. Besides, think of all the women who get pregnant while going clubbing and all sorts! Of course the two-week wait is considerably more evil in IVF, so I totally get wanting time off. I think I did it with one, but not the second - but I have a desk job so it wasn't going to be physically demanding anyway.

I would recommend trying to go for a family friendly company - some have very generous maternity allowances, even for newish starters. Others only do the basics.

Good luck with the job hunt

Thanks Ribena and Axis for your advice. A lot of my worries come from just not really knowing what's ahead of me but HelenFF has cleared up a lot of my concerns. If I were still in my last full time job or had been established in a position I don't think I would be worrying so much, but the thought of even getting through the interview process knowing what I know is ahead .... makes me feel sick with worry! Thank you all for taking the time to reply to my post. I'm off now to track down some family friendly businesses