Baby inconsolable at CMs - how long will this last?

[herbaceous]

Hello

I've recently returned to work two days a week, and am leaving 9mo DS with a lovely childminder just across the road. We had a few settling-in sessions ranging from a couple of hours to half a day, when he seemed fine.

But for the last two full days - his third and fourth full days at the CM - he cried pretty much the whole time he was there. His bottom lip even started quivering as we got to the front door.

Naturally I feel terrible that he's so distressed by my absence, and I worry about him all day. What's more, the CM keeps muttering about 'long time to settle, let's' just hope it works out', making me fear I'll have to have him back and won't be able to keep working, which would be bad for the bank balance and for my brain - I was really rather enjoying it.

He's never been left with anyone before, so I realise it might take a while for him to settle, but can anyone share their experience of how long this might take? And while your at it assure me that he's not in unbearable mental torment at being away from me?

I think its better for him to settle in at 9months that it would be at about 12-18months, whatever age he is he will still need to settle in, I think it's worth perservering if you like the cm, is cm fairly new? I'm asking because she might not have settled a baby in before, because 2 days of crying is really nothing imo she should be more reassuring but if she hasn't had much experience she might not realise it won't last long.

The thing to bear in mind is also that as he's only doing 2 days a week it's almost like starting again every week because he just starts getting used to her and then he doesn't see her for 5 days so it could take longer because of that iyswim.

Thanks LMG. I think you're right about it being like starting again each week. It would be better if the two days were non-consecutive, but she hasn't got any other vacancies.

And no, shes not new to it. She's been doing it for years, and has said that some of the children she's looking after were difficult to settle as babies. So she is used to it. Maybe she's just sick of the screaming!!

We had this when dd first started with the childminder at 10 months old. She just didn't settle, refused to sleep, and as a result, was really upset by the end of the day. Things were further complicated by the fact that her childminder was a friend of mine.

After 2 months of her settling a little, but not being every really happy, the childminder and I sat down and had a really honest conversation. We both agreed that it wasn't working. For whatever reason, dd just wasn't happy there, and it therefore it was stressful for the childminder, her other mindees and her own children.

We agreed to look for alternative care. I still believe that childminders are the best option for very young children (rather than nurseries), so I looked for another childminder. We were incredibly lucky and found a wonderful lady who had just started up, so dd was her first and only mindee for a while. Dd settled almost immediately, and was incredibly happy with her for nearly 4 years.

I suppose what I'm saying is, arrange to have a review with your childminder in a couple of weeks, but be prepared to look for alternatives. Usually, children do settle after a little while, but sometimes they don't. My dd just didn't gel with her childminder, even though the childminder was nice.

Thanks Littlefish. I do wonder if it's just the current CM, or whether it is just anyone other than me. He's not all that keen on being left alone with other people, even at home.

If he did never settle, and if I did have to look for another CM (or a nanny) do you think I'd be able to leave him with current CM while I looked? I can't really not go to work...

I left dd with the old childminder whilst looking. Like you, I had to work, so I just did it as soon as possible.

Could you afford to find a new one, and ask to do a few trial sessions before making a definite decision to give notice to the old one. I'm not sure how these things work with insurance/fees etc. though.

However, I've just re-read your first message - he's only done 4 sessions with the childminder. I would give it a bit longer to be honest before making any decisions.

Also, could he be coming down with something, or teething?

Oh he is teething - got about four coming through, I think. He's OK when with me, but it takes less to tip him over to being upset, IYSWIM.

I shall grit my teeth for a bit longer, then. I do miss him so much during the day though. It's worse today as I'm working from home, and as I can see the CM's house from mine, know he's only a few yards away. I just want to give him a huge hug.