Advice: Feel sick about returning to work

[MyBoo]

I am due to go back to work full time and the thought of it makes me feel physically sick.

I have to go back to work for financial reasons, i tried to drop to 4 days per week but my employer rejected this so I will be 5 days.

We have a childminder and made sure we have had a lot of settling in sessions so I am sure my little one will be OK but I will miss her so much. I envy the fact that she will take her to the park and play group etc.

Please tell me that this feeling goes away and it will get better.

Having childcare you are really confident with is the key thing. So you've got that sorted.

Remember, you (and your partner if you have one) are still the primary carers - you are the most important people in your dd's life, and going to work doesn't change that. (You don't see all these thousands of children failing to bond with their dads, in families where mum is home and dad goes to work, do you? Quite the opposite).

Yes it will be different to the life you've had on Mat Leave, and that's what many people find difficult to cope with - change - but it doesn't mean you won't enjoy your life. You'll quickly settle into a routine.

Finally, remember that even if you were home full time with your child now, those periods of change would still happen, just at other times eg I see women who are really struggling to get back into work,and feeling bereft because their children are all in school and they feel a lack of purpose. It's swings and roundabouts - you will have the financial security.

Finally - the thinking is worse than the doing. Once you're actually back at work you'll find your ok. A few weeks in, and you'll be flying.

Thanks for your kind words and what you say makes complete sense. I think I just needed to hear that it will be OK. My husband does not understand probably because he has had to go back to work when she was 2 weeks old.

My husband didn't understand how I felt either when I went back to work.

It does get easier and when you get there I bet you will find it is actually a bit exciting being back. I'm not going to tell you that you won't miss your LO but it's a lot less bad than it feels like it will be at the moment, I promise!

I had to go back to work for similar reasons, but I have started my own business as an Usborne organiser in my spare time (my website) and am building it up so now with the aim that I won't need to go back to work after my second ML (which is what the lady who recruited me did - very successfully - as well). Have you considered something like this?

I am in a similar situation, I am returning to work 5 days a week but my hours are 8-4. So I will get in for 5 and do the evening with my dd2o months and son who is 4. My son is in pre-school so I am not as worried about him as I am my dd, who will go from having me around all the time to not....
Its so difficult I work in the city and have got my dream job but am torn right down the middle when I look at my kids. I am searching for a nanny but havent found the right person yet, I almost feel like I am looking for reasons not to employ as no ones good enough !!
Im desparate to have some freedom back after 3 years at home but feel the leap is harder to make now that its here. I know I will go back as my career will benefit my children in the future but feel rotten about leaving them.

It DOES get better honest! And you get to drink coffee and go the loo in peace. And have adult conversations and even the odd pub lunch if you are lucky! I must admit to a small dd photo shrine in the area of my desk though....in fact 6 years on, I still have one!

If you are happy with the childcare you have selected it makes a big difference to your happiness levels. I too had to go back for financial reasons - it makes it easier on one level ifswim. No choice etc.

FWIW, I went back when dd was 5 months old. She settled really well. She is now 6, happy and confident, and very good at mixing with others and dealing with new people/places.

If you have the opportunity, put your dd with the childminder a day or so BEFORE you start work. The first big drop off can be very emotional, so better not to have to face a day in the office right after. I had a day, which I used to get my hair cut and buy new work tops. I kept worrying about where i had left the pushchair! But it did help. The next day, when I had to face the office, I felt a lot more confident.

MrsCMaw - I've never heard of Usborne but had a quick look at your site. I wish I had the brains to be a dot com millionaaire!!

I guess in my heart of heart I know you are all right in what you say but I needed to hear it.

Thanks for your help. x

MyBoo - you don't have to be a dot com millionaire in the making to sell Usborne books - I bet if you look on your children's bookshelves you will find plenty of books with the balloon logo on - what about That's Not My.... books?

It's a brilliant job because it's totally flexible - you can work as much or as little as you want. You also start making money from day one and there is loads of support from other organisers and from Usborne head office. Drop me an email to [email protected] if you want to know more - and good luck!