Should go back to work, but zero confidence. Where to begin?

[Marblecluck]

Hello everyone! I am not sure where to post this, so I'll start here.

I used to have a well regarded yet rather specialist job in a prestigious company, and left to have my first baby. I then relocated to another part of the country to live with my partner(now husband), who was earning much more than I was, so I put my job behind me for the moment and pootled along at parenting for a few years. Then I had a second child.

Now that child number 2 is starting school in September, my thoughts return to getting a job. My husband is feeling pressure financially, and would dearly love for me to help out with that, which is fair enough. Realistically, I can't see us continuing to live our current lifestyle (not that we spend an awful lot or anything.. just the occasional take away, a week in cornwall every summer, that kind of thing) on one salary.

However, the thought of it makes me rigid with fear. My confidence level has dropped to earth over the last few years. I have not worked in my original profession for over 7 years, and it is a fast moving business. I am educated to postgraduate level, and I am a personable and reasonably literate individual, so on some levels I must be employable, but I genuinely cannot think what, or how I can do it. I obviously do not have any imagination!

Also, there is that old chestnut of childcare. I reason with myself that at the only salary I could expect to earn on the basis of my lack of desirability would render wrap around care unaffordable. I don't know how much of that is an excuse to myself. Also, I genuinely don't want to be in the position where I am dropping the kids off at 8 and picking them up at 6. Especially with my youngest, who is very sensitive and clingy, and will only have just turned 4 when he starts school.

I don't know where to start. I don't know whether to retrain, or what to consider retraining to do. Once I thought I would like to go into some kind of business, like my own retail or something, because at least then I could work around the kids and from home, but I don't know what, and it is not my area anyhow.

My confidence is literally at rock bottom. I don't feel like I have anything to say to anybody, and I even look like a fright, having put on lots of weight since having my babies and developing a daily bad hair day habit. If I tried to get into a suit for an interview I would look like a frizzy tellytubby. The thought of wearing anything but a pair of jeans is enough to send me into a sweat of despair.

If you have read through all of that, thanks!
Any advice? Have you been through/going through the same?

Childminding?? This can be done from home and that way you could build up friendships etc with the mums which would get your confidence back up. The other things are playgroups etc which you dont have to be qualified to work in and you are speaking to parents but primarily it is about the kids. You also get the holidays etc.

I was like you and had no confidence when it came time to go back to work, I FORCED myself to go and do a training course to make me get back out there again and now I work for Sure Start and LOVE IT. I used to go to the training shaking from nerves and feeling very sick and after I finished the course I would fell the same going into work with people I had not met before. I am now a totally different person and am in the process of looking into how I can further myself in my job. You will be fine once you realise you can do it.

Yes, it does seem like a tough, uphill struggle when you think of all the obstacles that lie between where you are now-increasing financial pressures, worries about your child settling in at school, and a lack of confidence in seeing yourself back in the workplace-and where you want to be-a satisfying, fulfilling career that provides you with the flexibility to be there, when necessary, for your children. First think about your strengths and achievements of which you have many: you used to have a well regarded, specialist job in a prestigious company, you have a postgraduate qualification, you are personable and literate and you?re still essentially the same person that you were seven years ago. But you also have key (and marketable) transferable skills that you?ve developed while being a SAHM-these include skills like communication, empathy, time management, budgetary, organisational as well as project management skills (moving house to another part of the country) Don?t undersell yourself -I?m sure that you can think of lots more! Do a brainstorming session with a friend so that you can see the huge range of skills and expertise that you can offer a prospective employer. Maybe get some flipchart paper and start making a spider plan of what you have to offer, where you would like to work (within X miles of children?s school, for example), how many hours a week would you like to work? Could you work from home, job share? Which local employers have family friendly policies, have flexible working practices etc

If you?re thinking of retraining, why not look at online courses that you could do from home (try www.hotcourses.com), the Open University (www.open.ac.uk), or maybe your local uni offers online/distance courses? Doing a course not only helps your career plans but also it?s great for building up self-confidence.

Good luck!

I think that part of the answer may be to break the problem down into some smaller steps. How about starting by doing some or all of the following:

1. Getting back in touch with people from your old company / profession. Not to do anything more than chat about what the job was then and is now, what steps to a return might look like, etc. Specifically, not to explore yet any options for a return to that company.
2. Finding a job coach.
3. Working out the income you would like to have and what jobs would fit the bill
4. Thinking about what difference you would enjoy making in the world, and what jobs could enable you to do that.

Great replies, thanks! Betty, I don't think I would consider child-minding. I love my own kids, but I don't think I'd have the patience for it as a job choice.

Yourbrilliantcareer... do you do this for a living? LOL! I'm going to print it out and write a few things down in something like a spider chart.

Similarly, SLHilly, thanks for that. It never even occurred to me to work out what income I would like to have etc., it is all a bit hazy. Having a financial goalpost might sharpen my thoughts a bit.

I might have to come back to this thread if faced with a big blank page and blank brain though.

I think you sound like you will be eminantly employable soon, just a matter of building your confidence up and thinking about what you want to do next.

As you have the luxury of not needing an income straight away have you thought about building your networks and confidence through unpaid work like serving on the PTA, school governor, magistrate or doing some voluntary work that could lead to paid.

Obviously what you can do will depend on your skills set and the opportunities within travelling distance but I'm sure there must be something suitable.

Treat yourself to a good haircut, have a chat with one of the cosmetic house people and get them to give you a makeover. Buy a nice outfit that fits the size you are now, it doesn't have to cost the earth.

I'm sure there's an interesting and rewarding position out there for you & someone will think you excellent value for money when you do return. Good luck.

I only took a year off with DS maternity leave and I found it hard to get my confidence back when I returned to work, so I can only imagine how you feel after several years!

I think all the advice on here is brilliant - making lists of good things about yourself and skills you have is always an eye-opener I find.

Have you considered a job you can do from home like selling Usborne books? It's really flexible so you don't have to worry about childcare - you are your own boss and I have found it a real confidence boost to be in control of my own business. If you're interested drop me an email to [email protected], or have a look at my website.

Good luck with whatever you end up doing!

YES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I came on MN tonight to write a post almost exactly the same, I have also been away from work for 7 years and for the same reasons as you so must start to look.

Am petrified, mortified, fatter and have zilch confidence and feel sweaty and faint at the thought.

Will be watching this post with interest!

Shall we hold hands?!

I was a SAHM for 18 years, and only returned to paid employment when my youngest was 8.

What really helped re-boot my self confidence was doing volunteer work.Initially it was NCT and PTA stuff, such as planning and running fund raising events, then I approached the CAB and was fortunate enough to train with them as a volunteer advisor.

This in turn has led to my current paid position.

If volunteer work is feasible,(I sort of equated it as not having to pay for re-training iyswim) then look at
www.volunteering.org.uk

You may find your pre baby skills are just what some group is looking for, say as a treasurer or trustee for example, not only helping out in a local charity shop.

When I got back into work I soon realised that rather than being incapable and out of date I had many more life skills to bring with me, than when in my twenties eg much better time management skills, better at negoitiation(sorting out all those tantrums )and more patience and tolerance.

good luck, it is daunting but do-able.

ps I also did a return to work skills course at a local adult education centre,It included doing the ECDL, CV and interview practice.You may be able find one running near you