Going back to work at 7.5 / 8 months

[JamieJay]

I'm 23 weeks pregnant with first baba.

DH has today been told that someone from his dept is to be made redundant and he feels that in all honesty it could quite possibly be him.

I get 6 months maternity on full pay (I know I'm very lucky) and looking at our money I should be able to stretch it out with some savings and leave so I return to work when baba is 7.5 - 8 months old.

I know I'm lucky to get a good maternity package and lots of mothers have to return much sooner than this, but I am finding it hard to get my head around it we'd always agreed I'd stay home for the full 12 months.

Can anyone re-assure me that they've returned when LO was this age and it was okay??

Thanks and sorry if this is tactless in any way

I went back to work when dd was 5 months (in the days before extended ML) as I was hospitalised for most of the last month of my pregnancy. I DREADED going back and felt quite depressed about it, but in reality it was fine. Dd was happy at nursery, and i enjoyed being back in the swing of things. The first few days are HARD though.

My top tips - do a trial run at childcare so you know what to expect but also book baba in Nursery a couple of days BEFORE you start work. That way you do not have to go to the office after the hysterics that you go through leaving your precious child for the first time. Red and blotchy is not a good look.

I used the time for unmolested work clothes shopping and getting a much needed haircut. (Guess how many times I panicked over where I had left the pushchair...)

Secondly, once they start they seem to go through a period of picking up every bug going, so have a PLAN of how you will cope when the nursery/CM rings you at 11.30 to say they have high temp/d&v etc.

I was lucky and could work at home but my boss used to do the catsbum face after the say 4th time, and wondered why I wasn't looking for "better" childcare....Once they get past 1 they are MUCH more robust.

I went back when dc1 was 3 months, for 3 days per week. This too was in the days before extended maternity leave, and many mums did the same as me. Paid maternity leave was 3 months, with the option of an unpaid additional 3 months, but this was in the 90s when interest rates zoomed into double figures and barely knew anyone who could afford the full 6 months.

IME it is harder physically to return when the baby is younger, but loads easier mentally. Physically it's demanding - I was still bf, and having to set the alarm really early to give a good long bf before leaving for work. But from an emotional point of view, I think its easier for the baby to adjust. The experts seem to say that around 12 months is probably the most tricky time to start to leave a baby; earlier is ok, and later, but the separation thing is apparently hardest at a year - which is rather ironic since these days many mums start leaving their child exactly then.

Get yourself really organised and in a routine, and keep telling yourself that by a year, your baby will be brilliantly well settled in childcare, and you'll be fine.

Thanks both, it's re-assuring to hear about others experiences.

I guess it's just a case of adjusting to yet more change.

Agree with Violet. When they are little, they settle in much more easily. Their needs are still quite simple and as long as you research childcare that you are happy with it is not THAT hard.

We had a stage at about 18 months when dd didn't want to be left - it normally came after holidays. It is heartbreaking, but it doesn't last more than 5 mins after you leave - believe me I checked! The staff know how to cope with this.

DD loved the nursery. In fact she was just 2 when we moved to Belgium - I left my job of 10 years, my friends etc - but it was picking her up from there for the last time with the pressies, the hand prints on a card, the tears that did it for me. It was a huge part of her life and she did so much....God another mum had to put me in the car - I was sobbing totally. It makes me cry even thinking about it!

I went back when DS was 8 months, again in the days of 12 weeks maternity leave (plus holiday & some unpaid leave). Echo what Workshy says about childcare, get it booked and have trial runs. 8 months is probably not an ideal age to start in childcare - quite clingy but needs must. DS did get measles quite early on but again, if they get things at nursery you don't have them picking up so much in early education / primary school. If you are thinking about working full time especially, perhaps look into one to one care if you can afford it because research shows group care for babies is not ideal (especially if they are there for long hours).

You have a long time yet to plan this and leaving your child does feel terrible at any age, but we've all done it (DS at 5.5 months and DD at 9 months) and survived - all of us!! The separation anxiety (Mums) doesn't stop after the first time you leave them either - my Mum cried when she left me at uni!!

Good advice here already and lots of Mums used to return alot earlier - and lots of US Mums still do.

A friend of mine recently returned to work after having had her daughter in nursery one day a week for about eight weeks - seems to have made separation and nursery bug situation easier? (If anyone had suggested it to me, I'd have thought they were nuts!)

If your DH does not get made redundant, you can extend your maternity leave, you don't have to say how long you intend to take at the start of your leave. Also, if he does get made redundant, maybe he could look after the baby while he is job searching? (or he could take a parenting career break for a few months?)

Second the advice to think about one to one care if possible.

Throwing a spanner in the works while you are pregnant and preparing your nest is upsetting but having time to come to terms with it makes it easier. The cavewoman in you is probably feeling threatened by the threat to your provider (even though you are clearly capable of supporting the family!!) and threatened redundancy is stressful for everyone so make sure you both take / get the support you need through this.

Good Luck!!

Thanks for the extensive replies everyone - DeirdreB you're right about the provider part even though we couldn't survive on DH's salary alone! Programmed into me I guess.

I will focus on my ever present nesting and see what happens for a while....