I love my job but thinking of packing it in because of the stress of it

[Enid]

I wasn't going to post this but anyway.

I seem to have endless problems with the people I work with and so I have to look hard at myself and think...is it me?

I work in an arts centre and run the educational side of it as an independent educational charity. I am good at my job and have really turned things around from being a struggling enterprise with almost no funding to a thriving, respected organisation with core local govt funding and other grants etc. I am proud of that. The gallery at the arts centre is run by a different organisation and here is the problem. Two people from that organisation have recently absolutely lost it with me. Accusations have been that I am negative, unsupportive and I say things in meetings that make their lives much more difficult.

I am knackered atm after finishing a big project and am quite willing to believe that my 'aura' or whatever you call it is tired and I seem uninterested in taking on new big projects. I do deal with problems in quite a subjective, professional way and I think it is this which is annoying and upsetting them.

I dont really know why I have typed all this, prob just to get it off my chest and to try and make things clearer. The gallery director rang me at home on friday afternoon to tell me that she felt I was trying to personally undermine her and had some sort of agenda against her.

I didn't sign up for this and am seriously thinking of leaving so I can use all this emotional stuff on my family rather than at work!

Just to make things more complicated we are supposed to officially merge with the gallery side in two years.

no I don't have an agenda! In fact I have always supported her even when she has been criticised by our council of management.

I am beginning to see that we come from very different places. She is almost fanatically committed to the high quality of the gallery and this has helped to make it a very respected place. BUT there is no doubt that a lot of local people hate what she shows there and it is very challenging to them. I guess our arm will be the softer side of it. Part of the problem is that I totally see where she is coming from and and I admire what she does, whereas i dont think that is the case for her (although I know she has enjoyed working with me in the past and thought the project that I have just finished was excellent).

I so hope we have a new Director that is appointed above both of us. I really hope she doesnt apply for it and get it.

It cuts me to the quick that she questions my committment to her new project when I have worked so hard, put up with so much crap and neglected my children and worked voluntarily so many evenings to help with it.

I am at the stage when I feel like saying stuff your project. Do your own bloody education and outreach programme for it, I'm off!

Luckily I am going on holiday next Thurs so I really hope I feel better when I get back.

She is cross about that as well as I will be missing important meetings about The Project.

She did break down in tears at the end of the phone call and say that she had no life and no partner and no one to talk to. I hate myself for feeling so uncaring towards her although I made a big effort to sound very sympathetic and said that I would have her round for supper when I get back from holiday.

I want to go and work somewhere highly professional with lots of men. Maybe I will retrain as an accountant

Can you go for the director's job? And then fire her? (joking about the firing)

was considering it on friday

Ah honey, just seen this thread. I am so sorry. No, it's not you. But that of course does not eradicate the fact that there is a problem. I will rack my brains...xxxxxxxxxxx

Enid it can't be that bad that you woudld consider accountancy surely.......

And trust me there are many power-crazed woman in accountancy - their suits just tend to cost a bit more!

Chin-up love.

Obvioulsy got nothing useful to add thou' - sorry!

agree with www about change management. It's the responsiblity of your bosses to communicate to you both how this change will work.

lol at kittenpainters. Serioulsy though, what sort of friend would say this in front of you knowing what you do as a living? a bit insensitive to say the least.

I would hate to work with a single, childless, work obsessed, blinkered colleague who was feeling threatened. I think you're a saint for inviting her round to supper - make sure your dd's are indulging in some messy, arty play if you do.

"I want to go and work somewhere highly professional with lots of men. Maybe I will retrain as an accountant "

Believe me men are no better!

OMG, Enid, just read your first post and the "personally undermine" comment sounds very much like something my last boss would've said. What is it about charities that attracts these power-mad paranoid deluded bitches?!

Seriously, I think there are some people in the public sector/charity areas who think you should be constantly emotionally involved like that makes you a better employee (and better person) - its crud....charities are businesses like anything else and would benefit IMHO from some clearsighted objective thinking. SOunds to me like just because you don't wear your heart on your sleeve they can't handle you - sounds more like their problem than yours....

BD, my boss thought that everyone else should be as committed as she thought she was, that was the problem. Long lunchbreaks, haircuts in work time, a series of phone calls that lasted three hours out of the working day - and not being able to do the job without somebody there to catch her (copious) mistakes, trumped up gross misconduct charges for a member of staff she loathed because they dared to question her...yet still telling me I wasn't committed to the Fund because I was going on jury service - the mind boggles!

HM - it does boggle indeed! What are some people on??

Well to add insult to injury I had to go in today to discuss things with the gallery director and Chairman instead of having a day off as planned (sorry tamum ).

Phillipa - I really used your words in the meeting (and felt a bit guilty while I did it ). I pointed out that neither she or I had any real change management skills and would benefit from advice. The gallery director tried to gloss this over and insist that change would happen 'organically'. I pointed out that it wasnt't working very well at the moment and the problem with the 'organic' model was that it gives you very little support when things go wrong. She admitted that we were both coming from opposite ends of the spectrum and this would need managing carefully.

It also became clear that she definitely sees herself as the new director once that post is funded and in place.

We agreed to have a meeting with the funders to discuss it further when I am back from holiday.

Privately she apologised for 'losing it' on the telephone, she said she had been having no sleep and wasn't coping very well.

Anyway I don't feel so tearful about it today although I can predict trouble ahead . I cannot wait for my holiday. Thanks so much for all your fantastic, pertinent advice. x E

Enid, apply for that job, you can't let her get it!

Glad to hear you're feeling stronger about it I reckon you might be right to trouble ahead, but at least you know you did right. Worry about her getting the job when and if she does.

You are very welcome to quote me (you've done me good too, I've been feeling guilty about the times I've quietly scoffed at 'pictures of alsations' in our open exhibition... I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm an evil person )

dont forget the local shop fronts and African scenes (a la that bloke who painted the elephants charging)

I actually had to give back the 'rejects' from our open a couple of weekends ago. Bless 'em, some of them were truly heartbroken. I think the local scenes painted on oatcakes was probably my favourite.

pmsl