should i go back to work?

[bozemum]

I know this is a question that I need to answer myself, but I would love to hear some of your experiences.

I have a 6 month old little boy, who I just adore. I was planning to go back to work part time when he is a year old. And am currently looking round nurseries to find a good one to put him in to. But the idea of handing him over to someone I don?t know for 8+ hours a day is not something I am liking.

Before he was born I was full of opinions about nurseries being good for them. But now I am not so sure. I think ideally they should spend most of their time with the people who love them at this age. Although I know nurserys can sometimes be a good thing. I think in an ideal world, they should be with their mum.

So I am now wondering if I should go back to work at all. Financially, we don?t need me to go back to work. Although the extra money would help. Especially as we would like to move to a bigger house.

I worked hard to get to where I am in my career and would rather not give it up as it is well paid. And I do enjoy it most days. But my little boy means more to me than my job. And I am worried he won?t settle well at Nursery. And I won?t be there to give him a cuddle when he crys.

I am just wondering if anyone could share your experiences. Did you go back to work and regret it? Or did you quit work and regret it?

Can I just make the following points:

• you won't be 'handing your child over to people you don't know'. You'll very quickly get to know the nursery staff, and so will your ds

• 'I think ideally they should spend most of their time with the people who love them at this age. ' - children do. They spend the majority of time with their parents, whether those parents are working or not. Working part time means you'll have more time at home than if you worked regular hours anyway.

• Everyone's children mean more to them than their job! It's got nothing to do with one being more important than the other. It goes without saying children are more important. But it's perfectly possible to combine working with being a parent. (Most parents do!)

• Don't worry about whether your child will settle quickly or not. No point. You can't tell yet. Wait and see. Even if he doesn't go to nursery, you'd have the same situation when it came to playgroup or school.

• only you can make the decision.

• Personally I would have strongly regretted not returning to work I did part time when my children were little, and never regretted it. I think I would have regretted being out of my career totally, not so much from the financial point of view, but because of all the other plus points of working.

HTH

I think if you can manage to stay at home and you feel good about it then why not? What's the rush to go back when you are happy?

I have worked with my first two and now i do not with the third and expecting the fourth - honestly, if i hadn't have had to return for deperate financial reasons I would not have gone to work. I think this is time you cannot get back and as along as you feel happy and fulfilled stay where you are and enjoy it.

I agree with violethill on all her points.

Is it possible for you to return to work for just 2 days a week, to keep your hand in, or even one day? or a couple of mornings/afternoons? It would be a shame to take a break and risk your long term career.

My own personal choice - DD for financial reasons went to nursery for longer than I would have liked, but she was and is still a happy, loving, compassionate girl who loves her mama, and loves her nursery (now preschool) she was only at nursery for 1.5 days a week, and now she is there for 2.5 in preparation for shoo in September. DS is now 4 months old and I will return to work at 9mths. This time i have chosen to return to work on less hours, regardless of the financial implications. But I could not stop working completely, for many reasons, including the time it has taken to get my career to this point and how hard it would be to return to it with a full break, and also I like the idea of a couple of days to me, to be me, to continue to grow. Nursery will be great for DS, as it was for DD.

But, at the end of the day, you have to do what is right for you. Being a SAHM or a WOHM or a bit of both, there is no right or wrong answer.

When I had my girls, I was determined that I was going to be a SAHM until they started Yr 1. I loved being a SAHM for quite a long time, but then started to get jaded with it, and started to feel that I was doing nobody any favours by doggedly staying at home. Then an opportunity for some part time work came up at the place I was full time at before I took maternity leave. It seemed right, so I took. Revelation! Suddenly I was enjoying life loads more. The girls were in nursery, having a fab time, I was busy 2 days a week, and loving spending time with them when I wasn't at work. Now I'm planning on upping to full-time hours in September, and the girls are starting reception.

I think my point is that this is a decision that you A) can't make much in advance as you have no way of predicting how you might feel at a given point in the future, and B) have to make for yourself.

If it feels like the right time to go back to work, then do it. If you have reservations, then don't. This isn't a "now or never" decision. If it doesn't feel right now, then think about it again in 6 months, and remember - whatever you decide is the right decision!

I went back to work at the beginning of Feb when my DD was one. TBH I was dreading it because I loved my ML so much and I felt similiar to you. But, I am SO glad I have gone back to work. I feel much happier in myself and I am so excited to get out of work every day to get back to her and she has settled in well and made lots of little friends.

I was lucky because I found a nursery that I absolutely love and the staff are great. I wasn't so keen on others we looked around.

If I had left my job I would have struggled to return to my chosen career at the level I am at.

It has to be a decision you are happy with and I would personally say, give it a try and if in a few months you or your DC are not happy then you could always give up work then. Good luck whatever you decide.

I think you make a very good point reddaisy.

You shouldn't necessarily think that because you really love your maternity leave, therefore you are bound to be miserable returning to work. I thoroughly enjoyed mine, but equally, was very happy to return to work.
I think sometimes women who have interesting and rewarding careers, perhaps expect to get bored and miserable quickly on maternity leave, and when they find they don't, they question the decision about whether they should return.

But being at home temporarily, knowing that you have the security of a good job, salary and pension to return to, is very different to giving all that up and being home full stop.

As reddaisy says - you are happy now; but who's to say you won't be just as happy, or even happier, returning to work part time?

Thanks. Sounds like I am in a similar situation as reddaisy was. I think the sensible thing to do would be to go back and see how I get on.

I think I just got a bit scared recently when I spoke to someone who told me their daughter crys ever time she is dropped off at nursery and holds onto her mummys legs and trys not to let her leave. And I thought - I'm not sure I'd be able to handle it if my wee boy did that! My guilt would just be unbearable.

Also - I should probably say - in case anyone was offended. I am absolutley not meaning to criticise working mums. I am in awe of mums who manage to juggle going to work and have a happy family. Just trying to decide what is right for me though.

All children are different though bozemum - some are naturally more clingy anyway. Also, there are lots of other factors to consider - eg a child who isn;t left at nursery until the age of two is likely to be far more clingy than one who is used to it from a year or under.

BTW you haven't been remotely offensive to anyone, you have just been very honest and open about how you feel.
It sounds as though the best thing is to give it a go and see how things pan out - you may surprise yourself and find your ds settles happily, and you feel more fulfilled having a part time job - and then it's win win isn't it, because you are keeping your hand in which is vital these days, earning a good income, and I think you'll feel really good about having a child who is secure and adaptable.

Good luck.

I would go back and see how you get on - I didn't go back and now regret it and am looking for p/t work - very difficult and I have the guilt of my ds being in nursery while I am looking too. I would give it a go if you can.