Do I take this job?

[Bagabee]

I've been off for 14 months since my ds was born. I had a job I loved but felt I couldn't manage the commute (1.5 hours each way) 4 days a week so didn't return - and regretted it almost immediately. Since then, I have become pretty unhappy, partly through lack of sleep and anxiety, but, I think, mainly due to lack of purpose / contact / stimulation via a job. I was offered a full-time job last week - 5 days in the office, with a 1 hour commute each way. It would mean leaving my ds at 7 and returning at 7.30pm - we'd probably get a nanny share. Whilst I hate the thought of not seeing him in the week, I feel so unhappy not to be working that I wonder if it would actually be better for him? I have declined the job but wonder whether I could retract that on Monday if need be. It would be a real challenge - and could help rebuild things for us as a family. I just don't know. Being on maternity leave has left me hugely anxious and uncertain. I feel so sad it has turned out like this after an amazing start. Any advice welcome...thank you...

You'd hardly see ds and the hours sound exhausting - would probably be equally as unhappy and dissatisfied as you are now.

Are there jobs nearer that you could realistically apply for?

The hours would be horribly tough. Ideal would be 4 days - like old job! I want to work in London to retain a link and allow the possibility to move back in the future. I feel I must start work soon for my own sanity and the happiness of our family.

Hi Bagabee
I've just posted my own message. I recognise the way you are feeling and I too feel unhappy not working. I don't think it's unusual. However I haven't even applied for full time jobs as the mums I know who have gone back full time are finding it very hard and seem to be even more unhappy than I am.
Perhaps you can let the job offer give you confidence but hold out for something with more flexible hours? I don't know how likely it is as I know I've found it very hard finding part time jobs, but perhaps it's worth it?
Or you could view the job as a trial and just see how it goes and how you feel. There is nothing that says you have to stay. But I agree, if you are feeling so anxious and unhappy not working your son will be picking up on that to some extent.
It's so hard being a mum. I feel guilty that I can't be happy staying at home at doing things with DD all day like some mums I know. But we are all different.

It's reassuring others feel the same. I just wish I'd got over my guilt at 9 months and gone back to work then on 4 days, like most people do. Horrid thing, hindsight. I think I should hold out for 4 days if I can. Tough tough tough though. My ds goes to nursery a bit already so he has a good balance.