SAHM or Career?

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If it were financially possible, would you rather be a full time SAHM/ housewife and let your husband be the main earner? Would it be better for the kids? Or do you think its important for a woman to have a career?

Unless someone pays me a very big wedge it is impossible for me to work until at least one of them is in school. Which is a shame, because I think it would be better for all concerned if I went back to work.

Basically I think it's important to do whatever works best for the individual which will vary across the board.

Really hard to say, as I think it would be much better for the child - providing the mum is happy and not bored, depressed etc, but it is a long day if you have no social support, but I suppose there is a lot more available to mums now than in past years by way of socialising. So yes, in an ideal world with enough money to enjoy liofe reasonably, I would stay at home.

I would stay at home if I could (in fact after next baby I hope to, with my Usborne business topping up our income).

I don't think I'd like it if I had nothing to do except look after the children but there is always something, even if it's volunteering for a few hours a week (perfectly possible to do something like deliver meals on wheels with a LO in tow I reckon).

That said, I do think that children gain a lot from the socialisation of nursery, but there is plenty of time with the free place to get that without needing to go to nursery because Mummy is at work.

But then I've never been career driven!

It really depends on the individual. I have been a SAHM but would rather be in a career. I am expecting my second child and plan to get my career back on track next year. I need to work not only for financial reasons but also for my own self esteem. However I don't want to become a wage slave and want to be able to balance my family/work so self employment seems the obvious answer for me.

I have friends who are SAHMs and they have no desire for a career which I think is fine if it makes them and their families happy.

I am lucky as I have been in a position of choice and have done both. I would say that being at home is only something I could endure for short stints as long term is a little soul destroying for me. I enjoy the buzz of working, the confidence that the earning power gives me and the mental stimulation. I think that if someone has had a successful and lucrative career it is very difficult to be a stay at home mum for a very long time - most people do it for a period and then reinvent themselves in some way, even if it is doing charity work, school governor or other. I also - controversially perhaps - feel uncomfortable in relying solely on a partner for my subsistance - I like the feeling of being financially independent!

It always makes me realise how far we have to go with regards to equality when the choice always seems to be couched in terms of the mother staying at home to look after the children; what if the parents wanted to share work & care or for mum to work outside the home and dad to be the main carer?

Always talking about the choice being between a career and care also means that people who consider they have a 'job' rather than a career mean they feel less justified in carrying on and - perhaps - progressing to a career.

Having said that, I think it's great the progress that has been made in maternity provision & flexible working in recent years so you can maintain a career & care for your children.

Marriages can end, husbands can lose jobs or become ill. It can be hard to return to work after many years at home.

Children also grow up & fly the nest, what then?

If I could turn back time I would have chosen to keep my career, but obviously there was no way for me to know, back then, that life would take over and leave me without the husband who promised to care and provide for me and DS when I had to face the dilemma.

I'm struggling badly, going back to work after many years is incredibly difficult, lack of recent experience is a big problem. So, sadly, I can't provide DS with the same lifestyle I had, much less so with a better one. So, my advice for all women would be: Do not loose your financial independence.

I absolutely think some kind of shared childcare with both parents sharing both work and childcare, proportioned as per their individual desires, and then supplemented by professional childcare, is the way forward. i feel that i was a bit 'brainwashed' by my year at home with dd and came out of it almost unable to comprehend how i could ever cope with work again, was literally sick with fear but had to find a job for income's sake. One week into a part-time job and I now don't know how i will cope with 3 days as a SAHM! If you are totally focussing on the needs of the child, having childcare input from both parents is important, but so is having other adults in young children's lives - we were designed to be brought up in village culture after all.

What happened to your other thread on this subject and why did it get deleted?

I'm have to echo Emy.

I gave up work to be a SAHM. Loved it at for first few months but over time, realised I just can't do it all the time. It made me a bit miserable eventually to be honest, especially in winter time.

I now work p/t again, brings some of the balance back (for me).

Have to say though, it's a very personal thing. I have lots of friends who love being a SAHM and wouldn't change it for the worl.

For me SAHM all the way but thats because it suits me, it doesn't suit everyone. I gave up a career as lawyer well paid actually earned more than dh at the time as it was something I really wanted to do and dh wanted it for our child too. Bit Jools Oliver in that respect the only thing that I've ever known I wanted to do was to be a mum.

Drifted into my career in law I did enjoy it and was pretty good at it but I'm not sad to see it go. My game plan was that I worked for 12 years am now off with ds's 4&1.5 then when they are at school retrain/find a school hours job/work from home etc. Probably much easier said than done but time will tell.

I do think I would have gone demented if I was a SAHM in my mum's era no car not much social interaction etc, I absolutely have to get out of the house every day either visiting /park/library/play date/playgroup/shop etc. Also discovered over time how important it is to have my own hobbies/interests that don't concern children. Would not swap for anything, we manage ok not many luxuries but would rather have to work in the evenings than give up my days with the boys. DS1 starts school in Sept and the time has just flown and I feel grateful that I've been able to spend that time with him.