I am going to resign but I'm scared!

[luckymoray]

Dear all, I'll try and keep it short.

I have had my 2nd application for flexible working turned down. I now feel that I can no longer work for my company as I've given them 6 years of service and I feel very disaffected (I don't want to appeal). I guess I just want people to say that I am doing the right thing as I will suddenly be a full-time mum. I'm terrified but I do feel in my heart that it's the right thing to do. I have tried to find work part-time but it's so poorly paid (I am a journalist) that it generally doesn't cover childcare. I feel terrified that I am jumping off the career wheel after 10 years of working and building myself up. Can I ever go back do you think?

Imagine you're 80. Look back at your life and think what you will regret most. Having less time with your baby than you wanted or losing your position on the career ladder. It's unlikely you'll never work again. Volunteer, write about being a mother - I don't know anything about journalism really but I made sure I did lots of pretty minor things during my career break so that the 'gap' didn't look so 'gappish'! Good luck.

If you can afford it, go for it, you will never regret spending time with your DCs.

Employers will use you for what they can get out of you and treat you like crap when it suits their business. Do you really want to sacrifice your life keeping them happy?

Your DCs will love you forever and you will never lose the memories of being with them.

And yes, you will get back to work when you want to. It may not be exactly what you are doing now, but may well be something you find much more satisfying.

Why not go all out to find part time work that's paid better, or a full time job where they are more willing to let you work flexibly?

As for imagining you're 80, I don't think anyone would look back and regret spending time with their children, but I do think people look back and sometimes wish they had done more with their time, led a more fulfilling or stimulating life, grabbed opportunities. If you are having reservations about giving up work totally, that maybe suggests that in your heart you don't want to. it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can work part of the week, and get plenty of time with your children, and feel fulfilled as a mum and as a person in your own right.

Btw - Your children will love you forever, and your memories will be with you forever whether you work full time, part time, or not at all!

Lucky - For what its worth I am in the same position as you (sort of)

Flexible working turned down - though I am appealing at present.

Work in publishing, so specialist field, no other qualifications so part time jobs would be badly paid.

Working part-time would be great and would offer such a good work/life balance. But I know I will be turned down again, and then left wondering what to do.

Would love to be a SAHM but also think would get bored after a while and need some mental stimulous.

Decisions decisions... I with you, its hard to know what to do.

I have friends who are freelance journalists - I don't know what your field is, but could you keep your hand in by doing odd pieces? Not necessarily for the money, but just to keep your name out there?

Hi, luckymoray. This is a tough one, as journalism is a notoriously difficult career in which to "work your hours". I was in this position as well, and despite being told I could go back to my last job, it would have been impossible in the hours, so I left for good.

As I see it, these are the solutions:

• work for a daily or newswire, where there is a hard deadline at a certain time, and then you go home. No carrying work home with you, as the deadline is already gone

• sub-editing. This is often organised in shifts, so, again, there is a sort of "deadline" or end-point

• PR/ editorial assistant in a job-share. This is a bit of a long shot, and the hours on the days you work may be long, but it's something to think about.

• Press officer, again as a job share. Various charities have these, as well as government departments and local government.

• work-from-home features/articles. If you have daily childcare, you may have enough time for features. You will need regular breaks from your DC in order to get out news which is relevant. Both of these require other people's input, so you may need flexible childcare, or be able to trust that you can get in a phone call without a very unprofessional yowling in the background!

• work-from-home proof-reading. This is what I'm doing, as it requires very little telephone work, and very little external input, so I can manage the time myself, not have people put off interviews/site visits or make me chase them. I can judge easily whether I can do the work, and can respond, so end up looking more professional than if I had tried some of the above suggestions.

Hope this helps?

I was just coming in here to post a similar thing.

Have you tried the www.do-it.org.uk website, you might be able to establish whether you can use your skills volunteering which would hopefully give you the flexibility you require and let you keep your hand in.

My dilemma is different in that I have the flexible working but am doing poorly paid, low skilled work as a result. I want to leave but am scared of walking away. Good luck with your decision.

Yes, BeatrixRotter (BTW, I like the name!), it's annoying that if you want to Work The Hours, it's immediately a massive drop in salary. Sorry you're feeling stuck....

I think you need to keep your hand in - features or something.

If at all possible try not to completely jump off the wheel - your career doesn't have to end because you are a mother.

Yes, Katisha, although features take time to research and write, so there needs to be enough childcare in place for that! This is not a complaint, only a proviso.

thank you for all for advice - i actually resigned yesterday - eek! - so no going back now. i have been looking around for part time opps but you are right, they are shockingly paid. the trouble is I have 2 children - one and two - so I need to clear at least a minimum every day to justify double London childcare costs...that makes freelancing quite a scary prospect as i need to start earning from day one and, to be honest, after the seven/eight months I've just been through, i am exhausted. WingedVictory can I ask you about your home-proof reading...how did you get into that? thanks

I'm afraid it was friend-of-a-friend business, but if you know anyone in academia, that could be a way to replicate it. Basically, the person I proof-read for is not a native speaker of English, so has asked me on and off for years to go through his papers to sort out the English.

There are loads of foreign students and postdocs in the UK, so it could be an idea to advertise on university bulletin boards. You seemed to suggest you are in London: there are loads of universities, some which attract a high proportion of overseas students/postdocs.

You would have to work out up front how much time you could commit (e.g. evenings, naps, like me), and how much you would have to earn to make it worth your while. Also, how to charge - by the word and it can be a nightmare to calculate if the grammar needs rebuilding, by the hour and the person may not trust you to be honest...

Do you have any specialist subject knowledge? That plus experience in Quark or other content management systems could be helpful for getting casual work in the trade press. What about your current place? Does it have a subediting section?

Hope these are some good starter questions?

thanks for the advice - there is a lot to think about. i do think a bit of retraining might be in order - i think i might have the summer off first!!

''sub-editing. This is often organised in shifts, so, again, there is a sort of "deadline" or end-point''

hmm, except you are often reliant on other deaprtments doing their jobs to their deadlines.(like telesales)
Just a warning that subbing is another ''you stay until the job is finished'' role. I found having to leave at 6pm because the nursery closed at 6pm didn't go down too well when we had been given extra pages to sub at 5.45pm....

Lucky - Handing mine in tomorrow too.

Appeal for PT hours refused again.

I'll be having the summer off too I think, then I'll worry about retraining!!

Good luck Pippi and Lucky. I am so . I really wish I could do the same.

Sorry Venus - don't want to seem insensitive, but am only in a position now to leave after selling the house and paying off debts!

After a lot of worry about doing the right thing, feeling like a quitter, worrying about not being able to get a mortgage again, I have come to the end of my tether, and the knock back today with my appeal was the last straw!

Hope you find a way out if thats what you want and need xxx

Aw thanks Pippi. I actually have 2 part time jobs (which together add up to full time) and its only one of them that I absolutely hate. May look into the option of increasing hours in the 'good' job even if it dosent cover the hours of the 'bad job'. Hope things work out for you too. I was once in a similar situation years ago where I gave up a job - I actually found the uncertainty quite exciting in a strange sort of way!

good luck with the resignation PippiL - it annoys me so much that so many women are denied part-time work...and then the work force loses them. Let us know how it goes...