Don't know what do to...

[Aleesmum]

DS is 11 months old and I'm due to start work on Monday.
Have been trying to settle him with a childminder. Today I dropped him off for 4 hours, 9.30 to 1.30. When he got home he seemed very subdued and withdrawn. He didn't laugh like he normally would or interact or play.

This lasted all day right up to when he went to bed. He was a bit better during his bath but not much. I could tell that the spark was missing.

I do not have the heart to take him back to the childminder tomorrow, he obviously isn't happy But how will I go to work?

Can I request some parental leave? I don't know what to do, it breaks my heart seeing him like this

Oh poor love. Could be that he's poorly though?

I have no experience as I gave up looking for a job as every interview resulted in 'internal candidate got it' or I was over-qualified. I am now a sahm (single), running my own business around ds.

Has he been to the childminder more than just today for settling in? Perhaps he just needs more time to get used to her? Maybe you need to be there a bit with him too and keep popping out for longer periods?

Sorry - not helpful - but I'm thinking of you. Good luck!

Hi Wheres, thanks! I went to the childminder today and she said that except for his nap he had cried all the time he was there

The last 2 weeks i have spent time with DS at her place. But yesterday was only the second day that I left
him. He does have a cold though..

Anyway, the worst part was that the CM said that she had family problems and that she couldn't have DS any more!!

So now I will have to look for another CM and no idea how I'm going start work. I mean 2 weeks were not enough for him so i might need to take more time.

What sort of business do u do if u don't mind me asking? I'm thinking of that myself!

Oh dear. I hope you've had a VERY large G&T! Just remember that the babes are very resilient and you'll be traumatised by it for longer than he will...! But I do feel for you hugely. Is your dp supportive over this?

Can you delay your start back to work a bit with holiday or a few weeks unpaid? Even if she hadn't pulled out of having ds, there's no point in you going back to work in this worried state - you'll be no good to anyone! Failing that, do you have family close by to pitch in for a bit?

I sell Usborne Books at toddler groups, home parties and to schools. The toddler groups and home parties are great as I can take ds with me, so he gets to play, I earn money and don't fork out for childcare. Happy Days!

Have a look at my website www.little-bookworms.co.uk for full info (do drop me an email or call me for a chat - details on website) - I'm always looking to increase my team. You work as much or as little as you want - you're totally in control of what, where and when!

Take care and try to get some sleep!
x

Have you found another cm? Unfortunately at the age your ds is at, separation anxiety does set in and it tends to take them longer to settle than a small baby. He will get used to it though. As an ex-childminder, I looked after a little boy who was 14 months old when he came to me (full time) and his mum had not had time to do any settling in sessions. He spent most of the day sobbing for the first 2 weeks but we persevered and I spent most of my time comforting him. On the Monday of the 3rd week he came to me and didn't cry at all.

If it was me I'd request more leave. In a way the childminder backing out is a blessing because you can blame your late return to work on her leaving you in the lurch.

On a practical level, there are 2 issues here relating to you going back to work.

1. How long to ask work for - i.e. how long your DS needs to settle in
2. Finding a CM asap

Are you working full time or part time BTW? I'm asking as my feeling is you'd need quite a bit more time to build up to full time if you don't want a miserable child!

My DS has just started with a CM. We had to find one at fairly short notice - but it is possible! We went through www.childcare.co.uk, which was really good. We have found a brilliant CM.

Do make sure you read their OFSTED report. They are quite detailed and where it's a good report I found it very reassuring and helped speed up our decision making. Also are you claiming Working Tax Credits? We choose to go for our favourite CMing candidate, who is lovely and had an outstanding OFSTED report. We wouldn't have been able to afford her fees without the tax credits though, and it would have been a harder choice.

Are you scared of what your work will say? In a way it is a bit of a test of them for you - how sympathetic / flexible are they to the demands on parents? If the answer is "not very" perhaps it's time to look for a new job!